Late Daughter's husband

Fionamay I am very sorry about your daughter, only a few months ago, any parents worst nightmare.
Her children too, so young to lose their mum, it’s very sad.
As for your son in law, I understand completely why you are struggling with this and it’s to your credit that you are happy for him, though still understandably have mixed feelings about the timing. It’s a lot to accept so soon.
You are grieving and I hope the meeting with him goes as well as is possible in the circumstances .

The counsellors at the hospice describe men grieving in two ways. They either cannot contemplate another relationship and are left incapable with their grief, or they cannot cope with the emptiness of their lives, and seek a new partner almost immediately. Some of these rushed new relationships work really well, strangely. I am so sorry for your loss and can fully understand how difficult this must seem to you, like betraying your daughter's memory, but everyone has to find their own way of coping. Give the new girlfriend a chance, if it works out, the children will have a very important female model in their lives. They will never forget their mum, and you will help them keep those memories alive, you will always be there for them if you don't alienate a new partner.

It's not disrespectful, fionamay. He has to live his best life. Seeing someone else does not mean he loved your daughter any less.

I speak as one in the same position as you. My daughter died earlier this year too and left two sons. The boys could not have a better father and he is being absolutely marvellous but I shall be glad if and when he meets someone else because, as my grandsons' father he is just as important to me as my daughter was. One of the hardest things about my grief is knowing how hellish it must be for him.

There is no substitute for the lost wife but there might be comfort to be had in having someone else to share your life with.

I've found one of the hardest things to come to terms with, is the knowledge that for other people, life moves on.

That will always hurt, whether it happens over time, or quickly, I think.

So sorry for the loss of your daughter. You are grieving and to find your son in law is already in a relationship with another person must be hard to take.
I'm sure your main concern is your grandchildren. Speak to your son in law and let him explain.
Try not to be judgemental as you don't want to alienate him. I would advise him to take things slowly with the new relationship and not bring someone into the children's lives while they are grieving for their mother. By that I mean not living together and only some contact with the children for a while.
It's far too soon for the children accept your new partner.

I am so sorry, how difficult for you all. I have often noted these 'rebound' relationships, and think they can be a reaction to grief.
You don't say how well you got on generally before you daughter's death. Certainly express no opinion as to how you view this new relationship.
I think, broadly it is OK to say 'I'm sure you realise that we are struggling a bit with this, but of course are here for you & the kids'
He probably won't suggest it yet, but if asked to meet the new 'someone' I think you should have a response ready. You may feel the need to meet her if she is spending time with the children. But I also think it OK to say 'Do you mind if we don't just yet - I think we need a bit longer'. Don't say it in a way that makes him feel bad, just to explain that is now you feel.

I'd like to add that I have known a good few of these relationships last and be very good for the children. That is not what is on your mind now, but your grandchildren need you to keep things on an even keel.

Some people do move on quickly. When my friend was dying, her husband started clearing the house for his new life afterwards. He was a kind man and was obviously in distress and she had no idea really as she was confined to one room - but I found it quite hurtful. After she died he said he had little time to waste because of his age and he needed to move on, but I must admit I found his attitude quite upsetting - though I understood he was grieving too. Grief is complicated

Hello

I am sorry to hear about your daughter. This is all incredibly raw and difficult for you and it is completely understandable you are knocked sideways.

I would let him come over to explain and I think it is okay to say how upset you are but I don;t think it will change anything.

Some people just don't cope well being alone. He will have been through a grieving process whilst your daughter was ill and he may well have been in shock to start seeing someone quite so quickly. I have not lost a partner but he is presumably a young man and this is very unusual situation to be found in, feeling such grief and loss when your contemporaries only have the normal everyday worries of young family life, plus he is having to manage the children's well being (as I imagine you are too)

I know it is difficult to accept that life moves on after someone dies so young it is completely normal to feel how you do

The new partner may not be serious.

Sorry to hear about your daughter; so very difficult for you, and such a short while ago.

I'd feel exactly the same as you, regarding the new girlfriend, but, I suppose you'll have to hear him out, as at least he wants to discuss it.
I sound like an old fart, I'm sure, but people these days seem to move on so quickly.

Hi

Just need to chat