Dementia husband

Virtual hugs and sympathy. I know how you feel.

Thank you silverlining48. I do try and live day by day. As each day is different and I have no idea what the immediate future will bring. My daughter is coming tomorrow for a couple of days and that cheers me up a lot. She knows exactly whst life is like here and that helps.

Oh Juniper I feel for you. My DH has had a diagnosis of mild dementia for the past year. I know what you mean about advice and leaflets. The people who give the advice and write the leaflets prob haven’t walked many miles in our shoes.
DH still enjoys talking to family and his mates. He reads the paper sort of and we discuss the news.
But he can’t make a cup of tea, sort out his meds, run the washing machine, remember between kitchen and garden whether a rubbish bag goes in the blue or green bin.
None of the children live locally.
I know it will get worse. But how dare these websites talk about journeys? Who wants to be on a journey if you dread the other end. My DH and I are at the top of a crumbling cliff. I’m clinging onto something and he’s clinging onto me. Eventually the cliff will crumble some more and he will slide away and I don’t know how I’ll bear it. So I cling on with all my might.

Lots of excellent advice here. The Alzheimer’s society is a very good source of help and understanding; it does not only help people with Alzheimer’s but any sort of dementia. If your husband is not getting Attendance Allowance do apply for it. I used my husband’s to pay for someone to sit with him a couple of hours a week while I did my old volunteering for a short time and caught up with friends and felt myself for a little while. The last few months he slept a lot. She loved ironing ( which I hate) so she did ours which was a bonus!
There will be days you just can’t manage to do your best. Try not to dwell on it. You are only human. It is an exhausting and deeply sad time : it’s not surprising if you just can’t cope for a few minutes.

HUSBAND HAS DEMENTIA. I DONT' UNDERSTAND I HAVE AMD.MOST OF WHAT HE SAYS. HE SAYS IT IS PART OF HIS JOB. I HOPE IT IS NOT CATCHING. I HAVE AMD ANd fall many times. my balance has totally gone.

This awful disease is so exhausting, I sometimes feel I am starting with dementia myself-My mum must feel a thousand times worse as she’s the main carer at nearly 80
I find myself wondering & praying if the end is near. Sounds selfish but it would mean my mum could live what’s left of her life.
I get really mad that because my mum & dad have worked hard, paid taxes, they are penalised, mum was told she would have to pay £1485 a week for care- never worked & it’s all paid for. I think that’s why I come on here for a rant, because I am so angry

Quite apart from the physical and emotional strain of caring for someone with any form of dementia the loss of the person you love is hard to bear. It is lonely and sad and hard to be the person you feel you ought to be, and when life with DH got too frustrating I used to go into the garden and scream (I did warn the neighbours!). At least then I could go back indoors and pick up the reins again and not shout at poor unwitting DH who would have hated the thought of being such a problem.

Accept all and any help - I was too wary but we did get to the stage when a weekly trip to the supermarket was my only free time, not good for either of us.

I just wanted to add to the others' comments that you absolutely should not put the additional burden on yourself of feeling guilty for feeling irritated and upset. It is "normal" and absolutely ok to feel that way. I don't have a lot of "professional" advice to give, but only wanted to say, I feel for you and wish you strength. There is no more difficult task or burden than the one you are having to undertake at this time. I know there are support groups out there, and even though, you may have little time to participate, try to even if it is just for 1/2 an hour. Though it may seem a little callous to say this and I do not mean it too, at your darkest moments try to remember that this time period will end and your loved one will move on peacefully, and you will miss their presence but know you did everything you could and finally be able to have peace. I wish you all good things and am sorry you have to experience this now.