Paying for family holidays?

I am so glad that so many of you grandparents can afford to pay for holidays and all sorts of extras. We never had help from my parents, they couldn't afford it, but we did get £40.00 once and I was so grateful.
Our own 3 adult children ask for nothing. We like to give the odd treat, but it is never expected or asked for.
Now that I am living with bone cancer, our spare cash goes to make life easier and more comfortable, for both of us now!
If, there is anything left when we depart this mortal coil, the three families will share the proceeds.
I do not, or never have felt slightly guilty that we do not spoil our kids. They are all very much loved and know it.

They are all very much loved and know it.

Lovely, Auntieflo.
Ours are too.

When we win that million on the Premium Bonds we will treat them!

A family holiday is lovely, we went away with one of our daughters, SiL, and GC last year, but they paid their own way and we paid ours. If they didn’t have much money I suppose we might offer to pay for them, but we are not that well off so would probs have to suggest a few days in the UK, though that can be expensive too.
I suggest to the OP that you break this habit of paying for holidays away if you are not that well off either, and perhaps pay for day trips somewhere, maybe just take the children and so give your daughter some down time.
What you have done is lovely and am sure your daughter and GCs really enjoyed it but aside from the expense of it if the GCs are asking about the next holiday you run the risk of being taken for granted, then when you stop paying for a holiday run the risk of your daughter and GCs being upset with you.
Offer alternatives and do mention to your daughter that you really don’t have unlimited funds for your old age

Gran32 when you said your 11 year old gd asked so nicely, it reminded me of when my gc wanted something expensive I caught my dd telling my 11 year old gc to ‘ask gran and granddad’.

Every Xmas season, I used to take my whole family 8 Adults (including self) and 4 little ones, to a really good Hotel for a lovely room, dinner and breakfast….basically 5 Family Rooms.
Then I realised, that I was paying all that money just for us to sleep in the rooms. We hardly saw each other at breakfast, because everyone got up at different times, had breakfast and left.
So last year, I changed the repertoire. I explained the situation and the change of plan. I would take them to a restaurant nearer home, have a lovely meal, kiddies could play together and then, we could all return home and sleep in our own beds….. a saving of about £1500.
I had a big birthday in August. We booked a couple of cottages in West Wales. We had a lovely time. The AC paid for it all. It was lovely.
Gran32 - my daughter is also on her own (divorced) with 2 teenage children. She has a fairly good job at which she works very hard . Her Ex-husband hardly contributes.
Sorry for digressing 😂

Gran32 - sometimes we have to do things, which may seem unfair, especially if there’s a disparity in our AC’s financial circumstances. One of my friends has even written her Will, leaving the bulk of her estate to one of her sons, who is not doing as well as the others. Now, I wouldn’t do that. All 3 of mine are getting equal shares.

crazyH

Gran32 - sometimes we have to do things, which may seem unfair, especially if there’s a disparity in our AC’s financial circumstances. One of my friends has even written her Will, leaving the bulk of her estate to one of her sons, who is not doing as well as the others. Now, I wouldn’t do that. All 3 of mine are getting equal shares.

Quite so.
We have split everything equally in our wills.
Who knows what is round the corner, an AC struggling for now might do well later on and equally those doing well right now could fall on hard times.
Just give them all equal shares.

Blimey Big Bopper.
I hope your ACs don’t read GN and recognise you!

We have in the last chosen (it’s not been requested) to book a large self catering accommodation to suit us and our two sons families. Once there food costs were shared and they treated us to a meal out. We stayed a week, they stayed for differing amounts of time time according to work and school commitments. It worked well and wasn’t too expensive. A holiday abroad for eight of us was beyond our budget. Now they are older it’s all very different and we’re lucky to get them together for a day. That’s fine, life moves on, we’re just pleased when we see any of them as we’re not that close geographically.

gran32 while it is wonderful when we can treat the family in the way you have it’s fine to make adjustments as time passes. If you and your husband are happy to offer the holiday one more time then do, if it’s pushing the budget too much explain and suggest something less expensive. The important thing is spending time together, not where it is. At eleven your granddaughter will understand, different doesn’t have to be worse, it’s just different.

I’d tell them in advance that you can’t afford it any more. That’s how we had to do in the end.
We always took our GC on holiday when they were younger, but now they’re teens it’s more expensive, and we just can’t.
In addition, when they, and we were younger, they were happy to camp, hike, go on bike rides and swim. Now they want more entertainment than just those things. They eat more too, so going out for lunch or dinner which was part of the fun at least for us, is a huge expense.

The old pre 2016 pension is a tiny £23 per day so why is it so many of us, which includes me, always seem to pick up the bill for the whole family.

Our children earn far more than us. Everyone earns more than us, even those on minimum wage only work 2 hours to get our weekly pension.

AC often have bigger cars and houses, fancier phones etc but happily accept their aged parents paying for all of them, rather than them paying for just one or maybe two of us.

What do others think. .

silverlining48

The old pre 2016 pension is a tiny £23 per day so why is it so many of us, which includes me, always seem to pick up the bill for the whole family.

Our children earn far more than us. Everyone earns more than us, even those on minimum wage only work 2 hours to get our weekly pension.

AC often have bigger cars and houses, fancier phones etc but happily accept their aged parents paying for all of them, rather than them paying for just one or maybe two of us.

What do others think. .

What I think: I'm happy our AC earn more, have more - times change.

BigBopper

Here we go again, adult children expecting their parents to pay for everything. When will it stop.

I have said in a previous chat that all parents, once their adult children leave home, should emigrate as far away from them as possible and let them stand on their own two feet.

If I and my late husband had our time over again that is what we would do.

Since my husband died 10 years ago our two daughters got divorced 5 years after very expensive weddings which we paid for. Childminding our two granddaughters but being told what to feed them and where to take them, a thankless job. Then helping them out with money all the time. Even being told that I had plenty of money since their dad died so to start giving them money every month so the care home won't take it if I have to go into a home.

If I was younger I would move as far away from them as possible but I am now in my 80's and just cannot face the upheavil.

... and do they actually come to see you *BigBopper, now you are in your 80's, and are you still paying them money?

Terrible, and be careful, as should Social Services become involved, they may come after you for 'Deprivation of Capital' so if you are, I would stop. Also YOU need that money to get you into a better care home should it be required!!

crazyH

Gran32 - sometimes we have to do things, which may seem unfair, especially if there’s a disparity in our AC’s financial circumstances. One of my friends has even written her Will, leaving the bulk of her estate to one of her sons, who is not doing as well as the others. Now, I wouldn’t do that. All 3 of mine are getting equal shares.

Because I am struggling financially on disability benefit, my mum does help me out from time to time, so I've told her to split the money should there be any, 55% to my brother (who earns far more than any of us ever have and will have a huge pension as he's worked in the same place since he came out of college and has risen through the ranks to the top) and 45% to me, as he has mentioned it in the past!

You can rent Youth Hostels for the whole family.. that might be a much cheaper but fun holiday.. otherwise why not a day out in London with GC's..

Of course I am happy too Norah, but my question was why is it so many of us end up paying the family bills quite so often.

The last 2 years I have gone camping with some of my family only for 5 days to a simple place. It has been brillant and taken my relationship with my Grand kids to a new level.

Thanks so much everyone. Your comments have definitely put my mind at rest.

We have booked a big family holiday in Wales last year (everyone pays own transport but we pay for accommodation).
It is way more expensive than the enormous villa with own private pool we went to in Italy a few years ago.

Maybe you could look at the possibility of booking some accommodation (even if just a long weekend) and the separate families saving up for the travel costs?

Not last year - should have said next year.

silverlining48

Of course I am happy too Norah, but my question was why is it so many of us end up paying the family bills quite so often.

The reason people end up paying is because that is what they have always done and therefore it is just expected of them.

Now I am the selfish celf-centred sort and i made my children stand on their own two feet. Right from the start when they got into a financial mess at university, as most students do, we lent them money to sort it out with strict repayment terms, which we kept them to.

When it came to house purchase they had inherited just enough money to buy the cheapest most delrelict flat on the market and we helped them renovate it, with labour and planning, but not money.

They say'act mean, to keep them keen'. We didn't do that consciously, but it meant that by the time we were in a position to help them financially, they are now both in their 50s, both children thought independently and never expected us to pay their way in the world, and really appreciate anything we do, like occasionally pay for family holidays, or subbing the cost of a replacement car or some major house project. We always offer, they never ask.

I am afraid silverlining you and others like you caused the problem you outline and you need to work out how to resolve it.

You are right Monica. I resolve to keep what savings we have for things which will/ may come up as we age.

I feel for you. My youngest daughter is divorced with a 9 & 5 year old. If we don’t pay and take them away they don’t get a holiday. Money is tight for us but we will do it as long as we can. The children love their time away with us.

GrannyIvy that's the same with us. My daughter would end up going into debt to take them🫣