Paying for family holidays?

grandtanteJE65

As you and your husband feel that you no longer can afford these holidays, the matter is quite clear. Tell your daughter this and ask her help in explaining to your grandchildren that now that you have both retired you no longer can afford these holidays.

Work out whether you could manage both moneywise and work-wise to have the grandchildren staying at your house for a few days of their school holidays.

We are doing children no service if we bring them up to believe that money grows on trees, and even less if they gain the impression that spending money on them is the only real expression of love

A week at your house, with outings as cheaply as possible on one or two days and plenty of time to do things together at home demonstrates your love for them and the fact that you .love being with them just as clearly as a holiday abroad

perfect answer grandtante, we must reason differently to most.

Nanniejude

If you can afford it, go for it and enjoy the fact they want to go with you. As someone said grandchildren late teens and older won’t want to go!
Can’t believe the post earlier that said she’d move as far away as possible from demanding adult children! Why on earth did she bother to have kids!

What a strange statement, we are meant to bring up our children to be independent and self-sufficient, not to pamper them throughout all their life. They will never learn to budget and live within their means if you keep on supporting them. And yes it will eventually be taken for granted by most.

Calendargirl

Just because you’ve treated them to a few holidays in past years doesn’t mean it’s a done deal for every year in the future.

Tell the GC and DD that the next holiday will be for you and your DH as a couple, and will have to see how your finances pan out for the future.

I bet in a few years time the GC won’t be so keen on holidaying with the ageing GP’s.

This without a doubt, Your daughter should tell the children not go expect everything on a plate, particularly from their grandparents. It sounds like they all think you are loaded. Perhaps it is time you start telling them the truth. I am on your husband's side 100%, I bet they will not be paying for you when the start earning good money themselves. Your daughter should cut her cloth to suit as hard as it may be. Personally I do not get that grandparents keep their children and grandchildren. As the poster above says, keep your money for future possible good care. It is your money you may just need it.

Take them if you can afford it. We pay for our younger daughter and her family to come with us on short breaks in the UK, and it's well worth the money. We're not well off but they have very little surplus money after the bills have been paid. Not enough to pay for a holiday, even a short one. The pleasure of seeing the kids enjoying themselves, and their mum and dad having a break, is enough of a reward.

I am very aware that, in a couple of years, the eldest child probably won't want to go on holiday with her parents and grandparents. I think you have to make the most of the years when they are growing up. It passes very quickly.

I wouldn't want to be worrying about spending out on my adult children.

Not that I'd move, as I found the word "no" quite sufficient.

Yes * Nanniejude*- can’t remember who it was, but I was horrified.

If you can afford it, go for it and enjoy the fact they want to go with you. As someone said grandchildren late teens and older won’t want to go!
Can’t believe the post earlier that said she’d move as far away as possible from demanding adult children! Why on earth did she bother to have kids!

They’ve had holidays in the past but doesn’t mean it will go on forever. Don’t be bullied into it. Live within your means.

If you can book a cheaper,shorter or just a weekend,if not say we thought a camping in the garden holiday would be fun,2 of our Grandchildren love camping here,they have the run of the house etc & when it rained they camped in the front room,they still talk about that ! Explain things cost so much we just adjust our plans,good life lesson

I go for this solution.

My Gran helped my mum and aunt out as both were widowed at a young age. But they did a lot for my gran by helping look after my disabled aunt. Unfortunately both died before Gran which left her bereft so the GC stepped out to help Gran remain at home for as long as possible, she was always trying to give us money which we all refused. We all felt she’d given us enough of her time and money growing up. I’m sure your Gds will appreciate all that you’ve done for them.

Your grandchildren need to learn that life is not always easy. If your husband says you can't afford it, tell your daughter and her.
children up front.

Can you have the children to stay with you at home and do picnics, visits to the park, games in the garden. When I was a child Mum and Dad couldn't afford to take us away so we had a holiday at home.

GrannyIvy that's the same with us. My daughter would end up going into debt to take them🫣

But neither should you go into debt if you can't afford it. She could perhaps still make some contribution.

As you and your husband feel that you no longer can afford these holidays, the matter is quite clear. Tell your daughter this and ask her help in explaining to your grandchildren that now that you have both retired you no longer can afford these holidays.

Work out whether you could manage both moneywise and work-wise to have the grandchildren staying at your house for a few days of their school holidays.

We are doing children no service if we bring them up to believe that money grows on trees, and even less if they gain the impression that spending money on them is the only real expression of love

A week at your house, with outings as cheaply as possible on one or two days and plenty of time to do things together at home demonstrates your love for them and the fact that you .love being with them just as clearly as a holiday abroad

Gosh! You really are generous Gran32. I was a single parent myself but my Mum was widowed young and so couldn't possible have afforded to take us on holiday. So, I was the one who booked and organised trips in the UK. We'd plan a year in advance and save up, paying monthly with my Mum contributing equally. The idea of expecting her to pay for us is unthinkable for me! I think the time has come for you to just say no, we can't afford it. Seems to be a very high level of entitlement here. Holidays in the UK are just as expensive if not more so than those abroad, so I don't think that is an option personally. How about you plan as I did a year in advance and you all contribute equally?

‘ I bet in a few years time the GC won’t be so keen on holidaying with the ageing GP’s.’

Nor with their parents.

Devon is great as are the other SW counties, loads of accommodation for families across price points & rail tickets booked well in advance with family railcards etc can turn up a great keenly priced holiday.

Maybe it is time for a reconfiguration, perhaps you take the oldest away for a midweek break in a city of cultural interest?

Maybe bite the bullet & enquire if you may take your DD & GC to your in-laws place in Spain?

I suggest that you take the older teens on a city break & broker a short family holiday chez in-laws with both your DD & DS & all the smaller children so that your own adult children spend time together & all the GC have cousin time. You & DH could have both family & couple only time.

Of course, your DS in-laws would be very generous to accommodate this proposal..& you would be generous to pay your DD’s family’s fares.

Just tell the DGC you won't be having a family holiday end of I very much doubt it was her idea in the first place . Your husband is right and deserves to enjoy spending the money on a holiday for both of you

I know where you're coming from. My MIL spoilt my children rotten (not my choice I'd rather she didn't!!) to the point of ridiculousness. Now shes retired obviously she can't afford to do that and theres been a few conversations where shes had to explain to my youngest why not. If you really want to take them I would go in the UK theres some lovely seaside places here we never go anroad as can't afford it we go to Norfolk. If the kids ask why just be honest say Grandmas retired and doesn't have as many pennies as she used to! Honestly most decent kids don't care they'll be happy to be anywhere other than home its an adventure to them no matter where you go!!

I understand your dilemma as my four adult children are all in different financial positions too & it’s hard trying to be fair on everyone . It’s our 50 th wedding anniversary next year and we have booked a large villa we will pay for but they will have to pay for their own flights and spending money etc. we will pay for hire cars too. We help one of our grandsons financially as his college expenses are high & his mum is a single parent on a low income . I’m sure our other children are aware of this but have never said anything . My view is whilst we can we will help Where we can but it’s our money we’ve worked hard for and aren’t that well off . I would be very disappointed in them if they challenged this

I pay for holidays with the family, it is usually a rented house in the UK and I give DS and DIL money for food and meals out. My family have to take two cars when I go so it is double the fuel cost for them. Last holiday DS's car had to have an expensive repair while we were away.

It's a lovely thing to do, and so good to have the family together, making memories. I would say keep doing it as long as you can - and Devon or somewhere else in the UK, is a great option!

Could you not ask your son if you could all go to mother in laws place in Spain? Would probably be a cheaper options with flights and rent.

Make the most of time with the grandchildren if at all possible...perhaps a short holiday at a holiday park or something might be less expensive? They grow up so fast...I feel for you...my grandchildren have gone to Australia and I am so sad I don't see them..try to find a way?

You can only help the child that needs it most.
How lovely your other child understands!