Care home thoughts

My husband asked to go into a care home. He wasn’t able to garden, fix things and had stopped reading. He had jobs where he was always around a lot of people and our lifestyle at home had become limited due to his illness. He loved being in the care home. He thought he was in charge and would keep watch when the supervisor went out. He loved all the activities and tried to get me to join him to come and live there. He said it was like being on vacation. I think he loved all the attention.

Recently visited a spinster who has been in a care home over a year. She was so animated telling me about all the things she enjoyed doing there and how kind the staff are it made my heart sing and confirmed some care homes are doing a great.job.Yet.it is definitely not the poshest place .Don't judge on appearances!

At the care home I visit all of the above are absolutely fine.

And can they string a sentence together, because I can't, so I'll shut up.

Yes, and also asking things such as is it ok to pop in at anytime? If not, why not, because some places do prefer to keep mealtimes visitor free.
Ask about activities, and how they are personalised.
Can you go along on activity days to help?
Can your relative chose their bedtime, stay in their room if they want to, have safe, supervised access to the garden.
Are pets allowed?
Will they be able to attend church if they wish, and what are the arrangements for baths/showers, nailcare, hair washing and cuts.
Can they choose where to sit, and with whom, or sit away from others if they want to?
Ask to see a typical menu, and can they have coffee or tea, or another choice?
Can they have a newspaper delivered, and access to books?
Can they stay up until they wasn't to go to bed?

I live in a nursing home, moved here 2 years ago. Fiercely independent ? There are residents living here who are fiercely
independent. I made the right decision and choice so certainly no regrets

Worth checking Care Quality Commission reports.

The best advice, as above, is to maintain constant contact with the home - enough that they are well aware of it, and aware that you will ask questions, if necessary, and expect answers.

Care homes are a necessity for many elderly folks. I dont see much difference in many of the larger ones that provide a suite with all the facilities they would have at home. As long as a range of activities are provided, good homely cooked meals and helpful friendly staff, it works well. However many care homes lose clothes (in the washing) and other personal items such as jewelery can go missing. There are also issues with other residents becoming aggressive and upsetting others. The management tend to be good but are too soft on staff if something goes wrong. It's important that the whole family keep regular contact with their parent/spouse when they are living in a care home.

I know MissA, their quality of life is diminishing rapidly - but they are absolutely adamant that it’s what they want, however challenging. The crunch will come when one of them dies, because my mum is the brains and my dad the physically active one now, between them they just about manage.

That's what my mum used to say, too, but what an absolutely terrible last year or so she had, in her own home.

I just went on the online inflation calculator, which says that £800 in 1994 is worth £1,994.21 today, so the rates are now higher than purely inflationary. I’d guess that increased regulation, including minimum staffing level, accounts for part of that.
My parents are both 95, and still living in their own home, with a lot of support. They are both fiercely independent and would hate the structure of living in a care home - my dad says the only way he’s leaving his home is in a wooden box. It’s a constant worry for us, but it’s what they want.

My Mother had to go in to a Care Home in 1994, thirty years ago. I had Power of Attorney and paid £800 per month for her care. I only had to pay for toiletries and
clothes, when necessary. Her State Pension, Attendance Allowance, and Occupational Pension covered the bill. and Occupational Pension covered the bill. It was one of a number that were provided by the Council.
Why is it that fees have become so extortionate? Is it because nowPrivate Companies are making huge profits out of the old and vulnerable?

What a shame, Hellogirl1, because she probably would enjoy herself.

No, MissA, she won`t hear of even that.

We looked at so many carechomes for my mother and my Fil (both had dementia) and would just say that in our experience the most expensive certainly didn’t strike us as the best. Cosy and homely, even if a mite shabby round the edges, with cheerful, friendly staff, is IMO much more important than ‘Homes and Gardens’ decor.

twiglet77

I worked in a lot of care homes 30-35 years ago as an agency night care assistant, mainly dementia homes. There is not a thing on this earth that would ever make me agree to move in to one and I really hope that my daughters will respect my insistence. Neither would I live with them, I hope I’ll have the wherewithal to take myself off to the deep blue yonder if ever they decide that I can’t manage to live alone.

30 years ago, hopefully, doesn't give an accurate picture of how care is now.
It certainly shouldn't.

Would she agree to try a weeks respite in a home?

My eldest child is very disabled, aged 60, lives with me, I`m 81 and not very fit or able. The whole family think she would be better off in a care home, but she is adamant that she won`t go into one. The trouble is that when I`ve gone, the rest of the family don`t have the facilities to look after her, so she will HAVE to go into a home then, but I don`t know how she will cope.

I worked in a lot of care homes 30-35 years ago as an agency night care assistant, mainly dementia homes. There is not a thing on this earth that would ever make me agree to move in to one and I really hope that my daughters will respect my insistence. Neither would I live with them, I hope I’ll have the wherewithal to take myself off to the deep blue yonder if ever they decide that I can’t manage to live alone.

Moving into a care home can be both good and bad for people. I was talking to a friend who was telling me about a friend of hers whose husband had just moved into a care home and it was costing £3000 a month. When I pointed out that it was £100 a day, all expenses and bills taken care of with 24 hour care, it was quite a shock to see it that way. Most people would pay more than that for the daily cost of a holiday. The guilt is the worst feeling- I know- both my parents had to go into residential homes- the guilt never goes😩

Luckygirl3

The simple fact is that homes vary enormously.

And that is the problem.

The surroundings and actual buildings will of course vary.

The standard and level of care should not be a variable.

Sago👍🏻

More expensive certainly doesn't mean better in care homes, though.

It’s all very well saying choose your care home carefully but my late fil was funded by the local authority who would only pay x amount . So we had to look at the cheaper ones . Luckily we found a lovely one with caring kind staff. He had dementia and thought he was in a hotel as it had wood panelling throughout and a lovely garden .
Interestingly a friend who was a domicillary dentist who went into lots of care homes recommended it . And had told his kids , that’s where he wanted to go .
Sadly the owner died and his family sold the house and land to a property developer.