Did she provoke him ?

IOMGran

I am afraid after my daughter was half strangled by a boyfriend she was trying to leave I have nothing but contempt for the man that killed and your friend. BTW never expect much help from the police.

This is so true.
My daughter was assaulted for over four years by her ex husband. On the night she left him, she was black and blue from her hands to her shoulders. She picked up a kitchen knife and threatened him if he touched her again, so he rang the police and reported her. They came and took her to the police station. She wasn’t allowed to see her children then for a week. The charges she made against him afterwards are still being investigated!!

I would have given her a lecture on the cause of male violence against women and girls ie.violent men and she would never have repeated that apologist nonsense in my ear shpt again !

That is heartbreaking downtoearth.

Downtoearth, I am so so sorry.

That poor little girl, Sara Sharif, provoked her parents by being ‘naughty’. Her father killed her but it was ‘justified’.

That is truly awful downtoearth. I am so sorry.

MissAdventure

I did jury service with people who were of the opinion that the schoolgirl victims had "asked for it" and it made me feel ill.
The fact that there are people who think that way, openly, really affected me.

Gosh, how awful! Being narrow minded in a café with friends is bad enough, but to be on a jury, listening to evidence and still thinking that provocation/asking for it are a defence is beyond belief.

My daughter took her own life believing she deserved the beating of her life, she was so destroyed by her partner into believing she was a bad mother...she wasnt.. she was 23ywars old, and left me to care for my grandaughter then aged 4.

When is victim blaming ever right, ...never...it could be your daughter next.

My work brings me into contact with victims of Domestic Abuse on a regular basis and it really isn't unusual to hear friends/families (of both victims and perpetrators) say "but if you hadn't done/if you didn't do".
It's horrifying.
A colleague did some training with young people and kept hearing the same thing....
I don't know what it will take to change attitudes like that.

MissAdventure

I did jury service with people who were of the opinion that the schoolgirl victims had "asked for it" and it made me feel ill.
The fact that there are people who think that way, openly, really affected me.

I did jury service, different scenario to you, no schoolgirls involved, but it did make me aware of the mindset of some women, even in the 21st century!

I lost confidence in fair trial by jury thereafter.

Why didn't she tell you what the murdered woman was wearing, too? paperjacketblog.wordpress.com/2022/01/06/pictures-and-thousands-of-words/

gentleshores

I'd have reacted very strongly and been quite vocal about that comment and the person wouldn't want to be a friend any more.

Having said that, some people are just educated badly. My Grandmother used to make unfortunate comments about certain people looking like Jews because of their nose shape. It was awful and embarrasing, but it was the way she had been brought up, she was very old, a bit deaf and very loud. Thankfully people were quite good humoured about it.

😁I have a very nice nose.
Yeah, the old trope about big noses and Jews is probably still around but very outdated.Older people way back when said all sorts of things about Jews, black people and those with disabilities, it was considered to be ok to say them.
‘The past is another country, they do things differently there’.

Sago

Victim blaming is disgraceful.

I’m afraid I would have challenged her.

My father was an aggressive bully, he didn’t need any provocation, just a bit of alcohol.

How awful for you.🤬

It’s awful what people use as justification for their actions. I read the amount of injuries that little girl Sara sharif had at the hands of her father, who claimed he legally punished her for being naughty, but went too far. I wept at the end of the report, but nothing that child did could justify that amount of punishment

Two women a week are murdered in this country. Mostly by men who they know. For your friend to make that remark about provocation is truly shocking.

I'd have reacted very strongly and been quite vocal about that comment and the person wouldn't want to be a friend any more.

Having said that, some people are just educated badly. My Grandmother used to make unfortunate comments about certain people looking like Jews because of their nose shape. It was awful and embarrasing, but it was the way she had been brought up, she was very old, a bit deaf and very loud. Thankfully people were quite good humoured about it.

Another murder here yesterday. I think that's 6 in the last month in NI.
I couldn't believe my friend today when she asked this question.Everyone changed the subject quickly as we were in a busy cafe but how can women still think this is an excuse?

I'd find it difficult not to challenge such a comment - what she is saying in effect is that it is acceptable on occasions for men to murder women, depending on how far they are provoked, so it's up to women not to provoke them.

The men who hurt women are cowards and no an mount of provocation justifies violence. I find it shocking that a woman would ask if the man was provoked.
I believe there is a lot more domestic violence towards women and children than we know.

fancythat

^@fancythat, it hasn’t got worse recently has always been bad, is just that now women’s deaths are more publicised and there is more focus upon this as a major issue, back in the day it got swept under the carpet or people would say ‘she provoked it.’^

Has it though?
I dont normally look up official figures on something, but may see what I can find, in this case.

From goog le

How many women killed by men in the UK?
One of the most depressing findings of the Femicide Census is that the rate of men's fatal violence against women in the UK has not shown a tangible decline since the first year we monitored, 2009. The number of women killed by men has hovered between 124 and 168 a year.

What a crass statement. Sadly, maybe she said it because she has knowledge within her family of such things.

My friend is not a close friend just someone in our keep fit group.
The man had already been arrested twice and told to stay away from her. He is out on bail again.It seems hard to get proof in these cases.

What a frightening remark. I had a neighbour years ago who was regularly slapped or punched by her husband - a hateful posturing individual. She once said 'I expect I deserved it'. Many who knew her tried to help, but they moved away; what happened to her, and whether she is still alive comes to mind often.

There is or should be, nothing that a woman can do that should prevoke violence let alone murder, and I say this as a man.

I have been married twice, violence was nothing to do with the divorce, and i am pround to say I have never shown or used violence to either wife or previous girlfriends.

I am afraid after my daughter was half strangled by a boyfriend she was trying to leave I have nothing but contempt for the man that killed and your friend. BTW never expect much help from the police.

' Did she provoke him'
That statement beggers belief!!
Violence towards women is nothing new .