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Did she provoke him ?

(68 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Wed 16-Oct-24 21:07:23

Another murder here yesterday. I think that's 6 in the last month in NI.
I couldn't believe my friend today when she asked this question.Everyone changed the subject quickly as we were in a busy cafe but how can women still think this is an excuse?

Fleurpepper Wed 16-Oct-24 21:14:14

Incredible, and from another woman. I would not have ignored her comment, busy cafe or not.

Babs03 Wed 16-Oct-24 21:41:58

Oh dear. Apologists for crimes against women, am afraid there are a fair few about.
It’s a bit like the old ‘she was asking for it’.
I mean what on earth was your friend thinking ?

Allira Wed 16-Oct-24 22:19:58

I don't think I'd be keen to see that friend again, quite honestly.

Macadia Wed 16-Oct-24 23:29:48

It can't be ignored. This is a world-wide issue. What is going on? It is making me fear for every woman with a partner that she could be next.

Sago Thu 17-Oct-24 06:16:15

Victim blaming is disgraceful.

I’m afraid I would have challenged her.

My father was an aggressive bully, he didn’t need any provocation, just a bit of alcohol.

Babs03 Thu 17-Oct-24 06:23:58

To be honest provocation isn’t the issue, if a woman provokes a man so what? That is grounds for an argument not murder.

MissAdventure Thu 17-Oct-24 07:51:49

I think I could really fall out with a friend if they said that.
It would really provoke me!

Cossy Thu 17-Oct-24 07:57:03

If she did or didn’t “provoke” anything, that’s never, ever, ever an excuse

Cossy Thu 17-Oct-24 07:58:47

MissAdventure

I think I could really fall out with a friend if they said that.
It would really provoke me!

Yes!

fancythat Thu 17-Oct-24 08:00:14

Macadia

It can't be ignored. This is a world-wide issue. What is going on? It is making me fear for every woman with a partner that she could be next.

It has been rife in some countries and cultures, since time began.

I dont know why it does seem worse in the Uk now too?

There could be a number of reasons.

Babs03 Thu 17-Oct-24 10:08:13

@fancythat, it hasn’t got worse recently has always been bad, is just that now women’s deaths are more publicised and there is more focus upon this as a major issue, back in the day it got swept under the carpet or people would say ‘she provoked it.’
One of the biggest hurdles is our judicial system. Men known to be violent towards women and in some cases a real threat to an ex girlfriend/fiancé/wife are released without any real attempt at monitoring the man, also women complaining about a man threatening or stalking them is often not taken seriously.

Gummie Thu 17-Oct-24 10:14:54

Is she still your friend? Has she not seen the news and how much crime is inflicted on women and children! No amount of provocation (if there is any) is an excuse for anyone to harm, kill, maim and/or abuse women.

I would definitely have called her out. Probably walked out.

MissAdventure Thu 17-Oct-24 10:25:38

I did jury service with people who were of the opinion that the schoolgirl victims had "asked for it" and it made me feel ill.
The fact that there are people who think that way, openly, really affected me.

Allira Thu 17-Oct-24 10:37:17

Everyone changed the subject quickly

What do your other friends think?

pascal30 Thu 17-Oct-24 10:41:50

She is not a sister is she?

fancythat Thu 17-Oct-24 12:32:02

@fancythat, it hasn’t got worse recently has always been bad, is just that now women’s deaths are more publicised and there is more focus upon this as a major issue, back in the day it got swept under the carpet or people would say ‘she provoked it.’

Has it though?
I dont normally look up official figures on something, but may see what I can find, in this case.

Galaxy Thu 17-Oct-24 13:11:30

I think the number of women killed by men has remained fairly constant from what I remember.

Shelflife Thu 17-Oct-24 13:15:39

' Did she provoke him'
That statement beggers belief!!
Violence towards women is nothing new .

IOMGran Thu 17-Oct-24 13:24:15

I am afraid after my daughter was half strangled by a boyfriend she was trying to leave I have nothing but contempt for the man that killed and your friend. BTW never expect much help from the police.

EEJit Thu 17-Oct-24 14:23:39

There is or should be, nothing that a woman can do that should prevoke violence let alone murder, and I say this as a man.

I have been married twice, violence was nothing to do with the divorce, and i am pround to say I have never shown or used violence to either wife or previous girlfriends.

LovesBach Thu 17-Oct-24 14:25:41

What a frightening remark. I had a neighbour years ago who was regularly slapped or punched by her husband - a hateful posturing individual. She once said 'I expect I deserved it'. Many who knew her tried to help, but they moved away; what happened to her, and whether she is still alive comes to mind often.

kircubbin2000 Thu 17-Oct-24 14:29:10

My friend is not a close friend just someone in our keep fit group.
The man had already been arrested twice and told to stay away from her. He is out on bail again.It seems hard to get proof in these cases.

FriedGreenTomatoes2 Thu 17-Oct-24 14:30:00

What a crass statement. Sadly, maybe she said it because she has knowledge within her family of such things.

fancythat Thu 17-Oct-24 15:05:43

fancythat

^@fancythat, it hasn’t got worse recently has always been bad, is just that now women’s deaths are more publicised and there is more focus upon this as a major issue, back in the day it got swept under the carpet or people would say ‘she provoked it.’^

Has it though?
I dont normally look up official figures on something, but may see what I can find, in this case.

From goog le

How many women killed by men in the UK?
One of the most depressing findings of the Femicide Census is that the rate of men's fatal violence against women in the UK has not shown a tangible decline since the first year we monitored, 2009. The number of women killed by men has hovered between 124 and 168 a year.