The 'famous' bed side manner, NOT!

I don’t like being called a lady, don’t mind woman or girl. But I really don’t like being called by title eg ms or miss. Just use my first name!

As long as they do not refer to me by my given name, I am quite happy.

In the present context I would prefer "the patient" rather than either "this lady" or "this woman".

Crossstitchfan

ixion

Accompanying my distinctly unwell husband in A and E a while ago, the Consultant breezed, looked my husband up and down, then turned to me and asked
Are you the wife?
🤷‍♀️

My goodness! Whatever next?

My husband had an accident and split the full length of his finger open to the bone.
I drove him to hospital and was asked to sit with him in the treatment room as he was distinctly queasy.

The surgeon walked in, ignored us both, just spoke to the nurse:
"Is this the wife?
Make her leave."

Aren't all and sundry supposed to use a gender neutral reference nowadays in case they offend. Not a woman or lady only a person.

Babs03

I have yet to meet a doctor/consultant who wasn’t abrupt recently, maybe I am just unlucky but they tend to treat me like a silly old trout. But that aside doesn’t bother me whether I am called a lady or a woman, though I think is much nicer if someone actually bothers to call me by my name.
However, like another poster I hate being referred to when out for lunch with my girlfriends as ‘you guys’.

In all the years of attending hospitals all over Glasgow and beyond, apart from one horrible pain consultant, I have been treated with nothing but kindness and respect.

This particular gentleman demanded to know what I was doing at his clinic, north of the river, when I should have been attending a hospital on the south side of the river.
I had a terrible chest infection and he told me that I needed a respiratory appointment, instead of me being at his clinic.
Finally, he told that I should find a new career, teaching was a terrible job.
His wife was a supply teacher, who couldn't get a job. I thought that if she was anything like him, I wasn't surprised.

I was in tears, when I left that clinic and refused to go back to that consultant.

Totally agree! Makes you sound like a specimen... disgraceful

I find your reply quite rude

I went to see a consultant at a NHS hospital a while ago. His letter to my GP addressed me as 'this lady's. For some reason it goty back up. I have a name, use it.

Lady, woman, Mrs xx, Jax, mate, you guys, I really don’t mind, it depends on how it’s said really.

Baggs

But, but, but, if you are a woman (adult human female), it's a perfectly respectable thing to call you! What. thing to get upset about, especially when this man gave you the correct treatment that you needed.

He was not being rude. How could he know you yearn to be called a lady?

Don't be ridiculous!

Totally agree. They can't win, can they?

The use of 'lady' is old fashioned and even seen as patronising/condescending by others (mostly younger women).

Give me a good surgeon with great experience, and she or he can call me either- just don't care.

Kate1949

When I was at work once in a meeting (Civil Service), a male manager referred to us as ladies. He was reprimanded twice by a woman who said 'If you refer to us as ladies again, I will report you. We are women'.

I think maybe doctors are using the same guidelines as the Civil Service and referring to all females as women nowadays? Personally I don't care whether I'm called a woman or a lady.

As Miss A says, how can anyone possibly win, just read all these comments on this thread. I cannot believe how sensitive some people are. For goodness sake stop picking at everything anyone says or write. Most people mean well and want to help each other, they would be shocked at the reaction on here. No wonder people think females are strange characters. Do you really think men would worry so much about what anyone called them or how they addressed them?

Jaxjacky

Lady, woman, Mrs xx, Jax, mate, you guys, I really don’t mind, it depends on how it’s said really.

👍 👍

Though my dh received an NHS letter today which refers to him as ‘this gentleman and his wife’ - no ‘pleasant’ or ‘delightful’ to be seen. 👀. It had been a phone appt and in fact the letter reflects his phone manner, direct, no dressing things up, so hopefully I don’t need to read between the lines!

I think 'woman' for professional or business contexts and 'lady' for social occasions seems to work for me.

Bedside manners were lacking decades ago too. A friend’s mother was referred to by a consultant on his rounds as the expectant mother whose baby wasn’t going to survive the birth as it was too big. Poor woman was devastated and terrified as at no point before that was there any suggestion that there was anything amiss. That baby is now a grandparent.

win Actually I do think what terms we use matters. Words are very important and the way we address each other can carry a whole lot of different meanings, including respect and status of individuals involved.

Agree. And I think within the medical proffesion it's an etiquette of how to address patients between Doctors (eg in letters). A polite professional etiquette.

Interesting though that some toilets say Ladies and Gentlemens and others say mens and womens.

It’s not what you say it’s the way that you say it
Having said that I have met various consultants, both private and NHS , over last few years all have been extremely pleasant either called me Mrs X or if I had seen them a number of times my first name.
However I would rather be seen by a good doctor who may be curt that the other way round
One extremely lovely doctor was really awful and I had to request a second opinion It turned out the department was under special measures
At my sisters funeral the vicar referred to her as. This woman which I felt was out of line

I’ve asked my medic dd about the secret code behind statements of ‘pleasant’ or ‘delightful’ patients. She was quite baffled and said she wasn’t aware of any such thing and hadn’t come across it herself. Maybe it just older doctors who use it.

A propos ladies & gentlemen, I was at a ceremony where the gathering was addressed as ‘men & women’. It felt rather abrupt and I was cross at being demoted from first place to second!

I don’t know about descriptions of female patients but according to my husband and his past colleagues there always was a code in children’s hospital many years ago

At least he didn't call you "this person with female anatomy" which is something the young adults are starting to say.

I never realised before that this was such a sensitive subject. Thanks for enlighting me.

But I cringe too when I hear "Enjoy, you guys"

I’m with you on this one Indigo8- as a retired retail worker it drives me mad to read/hear female store staff referred to as ‘ the girl on the till’ or ‘I asked the girl to help’.
I always ask anyone who uses ‘girl’ to describe an adult woman if they would use ‘boy’ to describe a man. Invariably they say ‘of course not’!
Both girl and boy used in this way make me think of servants.

win

As Miss A says, how can anyone possibly win, just read all these comments on this thread. I cannot believe how sensitive some people are. For goodness sake stop picking at everything anyone says or write. Most people mean well and want to help each other, they would be shocked at the reaction on here. No wonder people think females are strange characters. Do you really think men would worry so much about what anyone called them or how they addressed them?

Yes, I do really think some men worry about what people call them so I think you are over-generalising

I can't speak for all mankind but my DH fumes for days if someone he doesn't know calls him by his first name or mate, or pal, or, even worse, buddy. He has a number of like minded friends.

I am far more relaxed about all this generally but I do have a thing about adult women/laydees being referred to as girls.

I do think consultant's letters are in code. I have ones to GP from my surgeon " I saw harri in clinic today, this well read lady ......"
Watch your back, she knows what she is talking about ? 😆
I hate " you guys " when in a restaurant, I think the training in hospitality is a bit off if they are told to say this.