The 'famous' bed side manner, NOT!

Just goes to show, you can't please all of the people all of the time.

Part of my deputy practice manager role involved typing 80 referral letter a week, and there was definitely a code. 'Thank you for seeing this pleasant lady' meant 'she's okay, shouldn't give you any trouble'. Leaving out the word 'pleasant' meant 'this one could be difficult, I don't like her'. 'Thank you for seeing this very pleasant lady' meant 'this one is a favourite, be nice to her'. However 'Thank you for seeing this delightful lady' meant 'treat this one with the utmost care, as if she were your own mother, I will never forgive you if you mess this one up.'

Then patients were given access to their electronic records and everything had to change. Instead of carefully crafted letters picking out the relevant details, consultants now get a printout of the summary and last consultation with the four words 'Please see and treat' and that's it.

I too find 'lady' antiquated

B9exchange When the consultant started treating my husband his letters to our GP stuck very much to the code. Although how he could refer to my husband as a pleasant gentleman and keep a straight face was a mystery! After a few months he just called us by name and that continued for the next 6 years.

I'm sorry you had such a rude Doctor. I don't think it's a sign of the times, I think it's individuals and there are some very rude Doctors. I posted recently about a very distressing experience with a Consultant (also paid privately, in desperation). I think he was ageist, sexist, a misogynist, arrogant and it left me in a state of shock (and very upset).

In comparison, I was having follow ups with a respiratory Consultant (NHS) who was wonderful, talked to me like a human being, took me seriously and bent over backwards to try and work out the best resolution for me - giving me options. And his letters to my GP all started with "I saw this pleasant lady today".

Having said that I do think bedside manner has generally gone out of the window with GP's! I feel like I'm an annoyance just for speaking to them at all! I waited three weeks for a phone consultation recently, had a lot of things that needed to be dealt with (a lot happened in a couple of months) and knew I only had 10 minutes! As it turned out I only had 3 minutes! I got an abrupt "Is it your knees" I said yes. And then told I'd be referred to a clinic. I didn't get to say well actually I can't use my right arm either and am trying to get rid of a pressure sore!

I know they are hugely over-stretched and some is surgery policy and some Gov policy, but it just isn't delivering is it? you feel left on your own.

I would just be grateful to talk to my GP!

Signed Grumpy Old Woman

The most recent time I saw a GP, I was pleasantly surprised. He was not young, and treated me with the utmost respect and kindness. I looked him up later online and found he mostly works as a GP private practice, just doing a couple of sessions a week at the local NHS health centre.

I do believe our “cards are marked”, favourably or unfavourably, probably using code like “ very pleasant lady/ gentleman”. Whenever my husband rang for an appointment he always got one quickly with his chosen GP. A rarity indeed.

Accompanying my distinctly unwell husband in A and E a while ago, the Consultant breezed, looked my husband up and down, then turned to me and asked
Are you the wife?
🤷‍♀️

I don’t care, really. They tend to use ‘ladies’ here still. Also ‘you guys’ from the younger ones. Or ‘people’s’. Still even, ‘girls’ which is a bit of a laugh when you are 70 plus but taken in the jocular spirit it is meant.

It doesn't bother me I have to say. It's a different era now. As long as it's said in a polite way I don't care how I am addressed.
I have a new female doctor who is the best I've ever had. She's a straight talker and last time we ended up in fits of laughter. I felt better and went away with a smile for the first time ever.

Kate1949

When I was at work once in a meeting (Civil Service), a male manager referred to us as ladies. He was reprimanded twice by a woman who said 'If you refer to us as ladies again, I will report you. We are women'.

That’s the sort of person that gets us females a bad name! Stupid, ignorant woman!

Shortly before I retired at the age of 65, I was talking to an elderly gentleman (his words) he thanked me for being an efficient young girl. I had to smile.

After nearly 30 years as a medical secretary I can assure you that not everyone is referred to as pleasant!

I agree with this, the man that called round to do our boiler service and referred to me as mate… alright mate, I laughed and said that I couldn’t believe he called me mate. I am a woman, so if I got called lady or woman is fine, much better than mate.

ixion

Accompanying my distinctly unwell husband in A and E a while ago, the Consultant breezed, looked my husband up and down, then turned to me and asked
Are you the wife?
🤷‍♀️

My goodness! Whatever next?

Beg to differ.

Man/woman
Gentleman/lady.

I always identified as a woman, and I'm over 80.

madalene

In most circumstances, lady/ladies is far more polite eg in a restaurant a waiter/waitress may say ‘what can I get for you ladies?’ opposed to ‘what can I get for you women?’

Even worse when an all-female group is referred to as”you guys.” I inwardly cringe when bidden to: “Enjoy, you guys.”

What I hate is being called pet, love or dote a very Northern Irish thing

I hate being called a “lady”. I find it patronising and demeaning. I had a work colleague who always diminished my teams input by calling us ladies.

Being called Madam grates on me.
It reminds me of what's her name who ran a brothel.

Can’t get my knickers in a twist about this. I don’t mind being called you guys. Just don’t ignore me.

I like to be called a girl. It makes me feel young. I am 78.

My world is very small right now. I care not how I am addressed as long as it's not a swear word

Consultants writing to GPs do use code when referring to patients
My late DH was referred to as a "delightful gentleman" as was my neighbour's DH. I rather suspect it means articulate, understands why a particular course of treatment is recommended, will keep appointments.
I don't know how they characterise rude and stroppy patients. Drunks?,