Chapters in your life closing

Mt61 sincere condolences but there is gratitude to be had in a ‘good death’. My darling mum had that too.

Mt61: my condolences 💐

Mt61 Condolences but it sounds like a perfect end to a brilliant life

My Dad died on Sunday evening, peacefully in his own bed, thankfully. That’s end of a brilliant chapter 😔

Hi. I’m 64. I’m retired a year and have found I’m happy in my own company.
I thought about joining U3A but then I realised I’d be overwhelmed by all the new people and being tied to meeting and doing things as certain times.
I’ve realised I’m a free spirit who has to do what I want when I want. I never realised this before!
I looked after grandchildren for 7 years, now I rarely see them. My son and d I law are self absorbed and it’s all about her family. So, what can I do about that? Absolutely nada. But it frees me even more,
I play walking netball every week and pickleball. I’m not tied into that, it’s pay as you go which suits. I get to talk to others, have a laugh and get invited to other things if I want. It’s pretty perfect. I’ve realised I need very little. X

I so much identify with losing a sense of belonging and purpose LilCatMomma. I look back on the chapters of my life and cant believe that I used to be so busy and engaged. I am eternally grateful to still be here, having lost my parents and younger brother, but I struggle with working out what use I am now to the world. I do have two volunteer jobs and that definitely helps, so you might like to look around and see if there is anything you would enjoy. I work with the Royal Voluntary Service who have a whole range of roles.

Dempie55

I have just started a short course in Art History at my local university- it’s given me a new interest and inspiration for travel. I also love being a student again, taking notes, having a reading list and research tasks. Please consider some further education courses to spark your next passion!

This is a great idea :-) I've done some myself when younger and think the OP would find this good too :-) Especially the Art History one - you go on visits don't you? We had tutorial support groups (Even if online rather than in person).

I have been told I shouldn’t leave the country due to health reasons,so adjusting to that——-

I have just started a short course in Art History at my local university- it’s given me a new interest and inspiration for travel. I also love being a student again, taking notes, having a reading list and research tasks. Please consider some further education courses to spark your next passion!

I too miss the days when my husband and I looked after my two grandchildren, pre school and then school run and after school fun. Now my husband is no longer here and my grandchildren are teens and have full social lives, I feel surplus to requirements. I see them regularly but not part of their daily life, which is ok but I still remember the days when nanna was so much fun to be with.
At least my little dog wants to be with me and since getting her I bless every day I’ll have her.

I am very sorry to those who have been forced out of their jobs due to ill health.
Today I was called into my team leader’s office to be told that the people on high, will not be renewing my contract, through no fault other than my age. The local townhall do not employ anyone over 70 and they have just realized I was born in 1950.

I so identify with this post and reading all the comments has made me feel less alone with the situation. I unfortunately have an energy limiting health condition which now limits what I can do enormously. If I was able, I would be out there doing loads of voluntary work and hobbies. As it is, my voluntary work is admin based done remotely but it’s better than nothing. Having no purpose is our biggest health hazard so we have to find one xx

I think the most daunting time for me was when DH finally retired from the Army after 22 years. We had been married for nineteen of them. Suddenly we were civilians and felt we had left our family behind, because that is, in essence, what the services become. People were very curious about our previous life, and couldn’t understand why anyone in their right mind would want to pack up their home and move every three years. We actually missed it for ages but you settle into a new pattern with new people eventually. The ties are always there though, and the allegiance to the military never goes away.

I’ve recently started a new chapter of my life as I retired from work in October, but this was my choice not forced upon me. I found work was affecting my mental health so I’ve seen a big improvement in that since giving up work and haven’t once been bored. I have mobility issues so if I’m having a bad day I rest no more guilt about not working. I hope you find peace and your depression lifts soon.

thank you all for this uplifting and encouraging thread.

I agree. Perhaps because I spend so much time volunteering at a care home I find myself preoccupied by sad thoughts of what will come next. I do have lots of other things to do and holidays booked but at the back of my mind is, 'How long can this go on?'

RosiesMaw2

Recently I have visited two places I am very fond of and found myself wondering if I will ever go there again.
Depressing thought- so decided not to pursue it.
Best not to go down that road though, never say never - who knows what is round the corner?

I'm amazed how quickly ( it seems) these sort of thoughts are upon me. I must have been so fixated on my children and elderly parents, I got lost along the way.

Now I find myself sounding like my mother, struggling to get in and out of the car.

For myself, a lifetime of putting others first had meant that I'd never done much just for me until a chapter closed when I was estranged by my son. I was very miserable for a long time and it's ok to grieve for a lost chapter. Just don't stay grieving.

Now I think a chapter closing is a chance to make a list of all the things you want and like, so you can fill the time up with things that bring joy, even if they are just small joys.

The worst thing anyone can do is sit on a pile of money, live like a pauper, never even going on holiday and complain about how miserable they are. I know folk who have done this and then ended up in a nursing home they will never get out of that will cost them every penny they have.

The best thing anyone can do is go out and spend it, so you have made joyful memories to look back on even if you are eventually in a care home or unable to do so much. Don't have regrets. bronnieware.com/blog/regrets-of-the-dying/

Well, "life is a book" as they say, and each chapter leads on to the next. Some chapters are long, some brief. Some exciting, some sad. I'm nearing the end of my book and it's interesting - and informative! - to flick back through the chapters and see things from a different perspective. It's also comforting to see the progression through life and how when one door has closed another has opened. It's not always easy to see at the time, but that's exactly where you are at this moment Li'lcat. You didn't want that last door to close the way it did, but try to trust that the one that's opening is going lead through to something good ........

Summerfly
Hope your ent appointment results in a good outcome. 💐

Recently I have visited two places I am very fond of and found myself wondering if I will ever go there again.
Depressing thought- so decided not to pursue it.
Best not to go down that road though, never say never - who knows what is round the corner?

We have made the decision never to make the long trip to Europe again which means we will never see certain relatives . As you grow older you are no longer the centre of the family, especially when you have great grandchildren which have parents and grandparents ahead of you. I don’t mind, it is nature and we are lucky that our lot still all keep in touch. We have plenty to do but are definitely slowing up a bit and things change.

I retired early 17 years ago to help look after my first GD, I was so happy to do that while her parents were working , I then looked after second GD. while parents worked,
How life has changed. My adult family are busy with their jobs and life commitments , when I ring them they are always on a call , or Zoom , my GD,s are lovely teens now but also busy with their own lives , but I have to accept that’s how it is ,but it’s hard when I don’t see them as much and I am not as important in their lives as I used to be. Sad but that’s life. I am happy to have helped out when I was needed,

Thank you Smileless and Doodledog.

Doodledog, I was the same. I retired "by accident" (long story) without planning to and spent two years in depression before finding a niche in our local community as Treasurer of our u3a. It has been a life saver. Like you, I did not have many friends in my home town as I worked long hours, 50 miles away.

Like others, the kids have long since flown the nest and one is 200 miles away where she went to Uni 20 years ago and never came home. I am lucky that my other DD is only 25 miles away and tried to involve us as much as possible with her life. I am lucky.

Until my cancer diagnosis in 2023 I had some paid part-time work from home, which sounds restrictive but did occasionally involve face-to-face meetings and Zoom sessions, but it seems to have dried up. Well, I am nearly 73 so it wouldn't last for ever.

I also renewed my interest in politics and after 50+ years of being the minor party in government we now have 70+ MPs. That hobby has taken us all over the country to help out with elections, using our touring caravan and we've visited areas we would never have consider going to.

But DH now struggles with mobility so not sure how long it will all last.