Chapters in your life closing

Hello LilCat I'm sorry that due to health issues you're having to retire earlier than you wish.

Sometimes the closure of a chapter in one's life can seem particularly daunting when it's not a chapter we ever thought would close, and can leave us feeling adrift, as you do now.

You do as you say have an open book of opportunity to write those next precious chapters and even if you find yourself staring at an empty page and wondering what to write to begin with, I'm sure that page wont stay empty for long.

I wish you well .

I too am finding this part of life unsettling.

I am not in quite the same positions as you, but feel I and my DH are "making life up as we go along", currently.
Not at all what we did previously.

Hard One OP. It's good to reflect on these things. It seems this was out of your control.

Until recently my mother was " the old one". Now I realise I am.

Sometimes you think a Chapter is over but the page turns backwards!

Sorry you are struggling with depression it's a nasty thing which nobody chooses.

I understand, too. I left work earlier than planned, and whereas I do some part-time and voluntary work it is all quite isolated, in contrast to going into the office most days and being around other people.

My children have properly moved away now. I didn't really count when they were at university, or for a while after, but they are both now settled in the towns where they studied (or nearby - my son moves to a new house on Wednesday), and unless life takes an unexpected turn I don't think they will come back to live with us.

It's difficult to feel useful sometimes, but I'm quite happy to take each day as it comes and see what happens. I did make a conscious decision to meet new people after Covid - I'd worked quite a distance from home, and wanted to have more to do in my local area. That's worked quite well. We go away a lot to our caravan, which gives a change of scenery. I do enjoy it, but sometimes it feels like it's more difficult to be part of things at home, as I have to ration regular commitments or try to group them together, so there's not too much coming and going.

I got rid of a lot of large cooking pots recently, as apart from Christmas I don't have large gatherings round the table any more. That was hard to do, but not seeing them every time I reach for a 'serves two' dish is better. I have gradually made the house more 'ours' in other ways, too. It isn't set up as a family home any more, but it works better for us as a (mostly) retired couple, and could change back again if the need arose.

I don't know what you did for your work, OP, but could you do something voluntary that would make you feel useful? It doesn't have to involve going somewhere if your health isn't up to it. You can do lots of things digitally now, if your skillset allows.

I feel like I’m at the end of a chapter too, having made the decision to move out of the home DH and I shared for many years, my family are dispersing and I need to make the move while I’m able. Decluttering the house is hard as someone else said just Christmas dishes that I’ll never use again and the BBQ that DH loved to take charge of it’s just letting things go that’s difficult. It’s got to be done but I’m taking my time but along with lots of family stuff it can be overwhelming at times.
Onwards and upwards to the next chapter everyone.💐

Yes it's difficult. I've had a varied life with many chapters in it. Many ups and downs. However one of the saddest chapters to close was when my grandson grew up and didn't need looking after any more. I said this to him recently and he said, "But I'm still here, Nanna," That was sweet but I miss him so much as a little boy and all the things we got up to.

I’m finding it hard to accept the aging process. Yes, I know it’s inevitable and comes to us all. I’ve had a varied life. Married very young and had my children early. Divorced after thirty odd years. One of the most difficult and heartbreaking times ever. I’m married again to a wonderful man. Up until recently we had a great social life. DH is a musician and has been in bands since his teens. I’ve always loved the folk/acoustic scene but due to illness, I haven’t been able to attend. My voice has been affected by it which has made me so sad. I’m hoping with all my heart that my singing days won’t be over.
I’ve been fast tracked to see an ent specialist. I go on Tuesday and obviously, I’m feeling very unsettled about it all.

Summerfly I just wanted to wish you all the best for your appointment on Tuesday .

I worked up to 68 so not early but it wasn’t when I d expected, my mum and dad died that year 6 months apart and I was completely all at sea needed work to keep me going grandchildren growing fast not so needed and last partner loooong gone It took me about 12 months to pull myself round and start voluntary work and I have never looked back I get so much out of it and ten years on I m still going strong

All best wishes for your appointment Summerfly

I'm retired 10 years now. Over this time several chapters have opened and closed again but, crucially, they were my choice. I'm currently in another one and it's looking interesting.
I hope the OP can find meaningful and interesting things to fill her life with.
BTW I do agree about missing the DGSs as little boys. Such fun. Polite now but very occupied with their own lives. To be expected of course but ...

Really sorry to hear this LilCatMomma83. I think I understand the "feeling adrift" feeling - I posted about something similar when I joined here. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. But gradually it was all sorts of griefs and changes - my Dad died about 3 years ago and I had maybe never quite come to terms with that or the changes it made to my life.

Ill health is hard enough to deal with, without losing your job and role in life as well. All I can say is something a Cruse counsellor advised me. You can actually do a diagram of it.

You start with the small circle that is your life and you draw another circle around it, then another circle and so on. And basically that is how you expand your life to be a full circle again. You maybe start one new little thing and that expands life a bit. Then you might meet people through that and that expands life a bit. It takes time.

However, when you have health issues it can be hard to start new things. And we get bogged down with "managing" each day. But I would start with emailing or writing to old friends you haven't seen for years. I always find that helps - it reminds me of the person I was when I was young :-)

Doodledog, I was the same. I retired "by accident" (long story) without planning to and spent two years in depression before finding a niche in our local community as Treasurer of our u3a. It has been a life saver. Like you, I did not have many friends in my home town as I worked long hours, 50 miles away.

Like others, the kids have long since flown the nest and one is 200 miles away where she went to Uni 20 years ago and never came home. I am lucky that my other DD is only 25 miles away and tried to involve us as much as possible with her life. I am lucky.

Until my cancer diagnosis in 2023 I had some paid part-time work from home, which sounds restrictive but did occasionally involve face-to-face meetings and Zoom sessions, but it seems to have dried up. Well, I am nearly 73 so it wouldn't last for ever.

I also renewed my interest in politics and after 50+ years of being the minor party in government we now have 70+ MPs. That hobby has taken us all over the country to help out with elections, using our touring caravan and we've visited areas we would never have consider going to.

But DH now struggles with mobility so not sure how long it will all last.

Thank you Smileless and Doodledog.

I retired early 17 years ago to help look after my first GD, I was so happy to do that while her parents were working , I then looked after second GD. while parents worked,
How life has changed. My adult family are busy with their jobs and life commitments , when I ring them they are always on a call , or Zoom , my GD,s are lovely teens now but also busy with their own lives , but I have to accept that’s how it is ,but it’s hard when I don’t see them as much and I am not as important in their lives as I used to be. Sad but that’s life. I am happy to have helped out when I was needed,

We have made the decision never to make the long trip to Europe again which means we will never see certain relatives . As you grow older you are no longer the centre of the family, especially when you have great grandchildren which have parents and grandparents ahead of you. I don’t mind, it is nature and we are lucky that our lot still all keep in touch. We have plenty to do but are definitely slowing up a bit and things change.

Recently I have visited two places I am very fond of and found myself wondering if I will ever go there again.
Depressing thought- so decided not to pursue it.
Best not to go down that road though, never say never - who knows what is round the corner?

Summerfly
Hope your ent appointment results in a good outcome. 💐

Well, "life is a book" as they say, and each chapter leads on to the next. Some chapters are long, some brief. Some exciting, some sad. I'm nearing the end of my book and it's interesting - and informative! - to flick back through the chapters and see things from a different perspective. It's also comforting to see the progression through life and how when one door has closed another has opened. It's not always easy to see at the time, but that's exactly where you are at this moment Li'lcat. You didn't want that last door to close the way it did, but try to trust that the one that's opening is going lead through to something good ........

For myself, a lifetime of putting others first had meant that I'd never done much just for me until a chapter closed when I was estranged by my son. I was very miserable for a long time and it's ok to grieve for a lost chapter. Just don't stay grieving.

Now I think a chapter closing is a chance to make a list of all the things you want and like, so you can fill the time up with things that bring joy, even if they are just small joys.

The worst thing anyone can do is sit on a pile of money, live like a pauper, never even going on holiday and complain about how miserable they are. I know folk who have done this and then ended up in a nursing home they will never get out of that will cost them every penny they have.

The best thing anyone can do is go out and spend it, so you have made joyful memories to look back on even if you are eventually in a care home or unable to do so much. Don't have regrets. bronnieware.com/blog/regrets-of-the-dying/

RosiesMaw2

Recently I have visited two places I am very fond of and found myself wondering if I will ever go there again.
Depressing thought- so decided not to pursue it.
Best not to go down that road though, never say never - who knows what is round the corner?

I'm amazed how quickly ( it seems) these sort of thoughts are upon me. I must have been so fixated on my children and elderly parents, I got lost along the way.

Now I find myself sounding like my mother, struggling to get in and out of the car.

I agree. Perhaps because I spend so much time volunteering at a care home I find myself preoccupied by sad thoughts of what will come next. I do have lots of other things to do and holidays booked but at the back of my mind is, 'How long can this go on?'

thank you all for this uplifting and encouraging thread.

I’ve recently started a new chapter of my life as I retired from work in October, but this was my choice not forced upon me. I found work was affecting my mental health so I’ve seen a big improvement in that since giving up work and haven’t once been bored. I have mobility issues so if I’m having a bad day I rest no more guilt about not working. I hope you find peace and your depression lifts soon.