Dealing with a Grandson who shows signs of autism -

Sorry, Bella267, I have to disagree with you. Whilst we are all more knowledgeable about ASD, young people haven't usually had the experience with babies and young children in general. Not all of them will have any idea of what they can expect from their child and, in their defence, the close relationship with the Health visitor and parents is a thing of the past. Scientifically, young people at 23 may not have reached their full brain capacity either meaning their observations and actions may still be immature.
Incidentally, my son was 23 when he had his ASD son and my SIL was of a similar age when they had his ADHD daughter. Both of them had difficulty accepting that there might be anything wrong but 10 years on, they see the world in a totally different light. Their attitudes have completely changed, particularly about how important it is to get these things checked out.

NanaNell1967

My Grandson will be 3 in January and he is showing signs of autism.
He rarely speaks
He does not make eye contact or engage with me at all
He runs around the house/garden constantly (on his toes)
He spins the wheels on his toy cars for long periods, stopping the motion with his nose
He gags at food that I know he likes
This is just the obvious things - I know it is down to my DIL and son to come to that conclusion, they are both very young (parents at 23) and now he is at nursery so he is being cared for by persons other than his parents or me (he does not really see anyone outside of the home).
I am not particularly worried he will be what he will be and I adore him to distractions - what I need is some tips on entertaining him and suitable toys to get for him, when he comes to stay with me I want him as calm and happy as is possible - any hints/tips or suggestions would be very welcome.

Can I ask why the parents age has anything to do with it, you’d actually find most ‘young’ parents are more aware as autism wasn’t as bigger thing as it is now.
What does he do at home to regulate and occupy?
I’d be following his home routines

If you go onto National Autistic website ( if you’re in the U.K. ) they have lots of help & advice. If your GS goes to nursery they will flag it up / the GP would be the parents starting point . Sadly it can take years to get a diagnosis but once his parents get one , they should be able to get lots of support .

I would definitely bring the subject up to your son and dil. I'm not sure how long the waitlist is where you are, but here it is about 2 years unless you are willing to go private.
If he is autistic then early intervention will help.

I had this with my grandson and I was lucky enough to be at a visit to the Health Visitor so was able to express my observations at the lack of language, etc. She quickly picked up on what I was saying without my DIL being worried and sent him to the Development Centre for an assessment for his hearing which led to a further assessment for autism. He was very lucky to have his EHCP in place for starting school and is doing well with one to one help.
It is absolutely crucial to get help before starting school as things are done locally, Portage help and an EHCP drawn up with the child being able to attend the school where they support SEN children well . After that, CAHM's get involved, schools are reluctant to push for one to one assistance as they don't get enough payment to finance it, etc. The earlier the diagnosis, the better chances a child has.
The best thing you can do for your grandchild though at this stage is to teach him some simple Makaton if you can. Children often find it easier to communicate through signing rather than with words; my grandaughter is 10 but when she is distressed she finds it an easier way to communicate than talking.

Spencer 2009 is right in regard to early childhood professionals being trained to observe and follow on indicators of behavioural and socio/emotional issues.
I have worked in the industry for over 18 years and I am now at retirement age. The sooner your GC is diagnosed the better for him and his family. Nowadays there is a lot of support and research which can be utilised in order to help your GC.
Sensory issues and lack of eye contact and engagement are definitely a red flag, well done for having such a close relationship with him that you have noticed these issues.
Good luck.

Can you perhaps ask the nursery uour DGS attends. They will know what he is interested in and keeps him interested.

Our grandson is showing very similar traits as yours, his mum and dad have been very active in getting him and themselves support they found that their health visitor was very helpful referring them to paediatric speech and language therapy and
providing sign posting to small play group with other children and parents.

Swings and rocking chairs can be very popular with some people on the spectrum in my experience. Rocking in hammocks too.

Some great advice already given but my GS is on the spectrum and loves us to make a den / blanket fort together which he is then happy to sit in and play on his own or while I read him a story. He also loves big cardboard boxes that we make into all sorts by drawing on them - spaceships, racing cars etc

One of my grandchildren is on the autistic spectrum.

He might like visual things e.g. books with big pictures and interesting details to look at and objects with interesting textures to feel. Different coloured cars with some sort of garage to organise them in might help. Those magic painting books where you use a wet brush and colours appear might be interesting for him too. No mess either!

It's a bit tricky to recommend toys because everybody is a bit different. I expect you will be able to tell what sort of things he enjoys by watching him and how he responds to different toys.

NanaNell1967 you sound like such a lovely grandparent and I think all your concerns are valid. Your loving and balanced perspective will be a huge support to your grandson and his parents as his story unfolds
I completely agree with NemosMum's comments, waiting lists for assessment are really long, there's even a long wait for private assessment. I have no specific suggestions for toys but have a look on Amazon at toys by Learning Resources. I've bought quite a few of them: very good quality and the play value is excellent

Nemosmum. As an ex HV and GParent of a child on the autistic spectrum I completely agree with you. My GD had to wait even to be diagnosed privately, as the demand is so great. Labelling was a relief for my DS & DiL because they could then access support, and understand behaviour better, and ways of managing.

Grandmabatty is it Adam and his son Ryan that you follow on twitter?
Adam is an inspiration and it's wonderful that Ryan is developing into an outgoing, happy and confident young man.
Although Ryan is now in his twenties and most of us on here probably have concerns about younger people the Twitter posts are so uplifting and Adam offers such brilliant advice on living with autism that it's worth a
look @autcareandshare

Spencer2009

As he’s in a nursery setting the staff will be trained in all aspects of education and will pick up on any such problems.

Yes.

When I was first working as a teaching assistant I was sent on an autism course. In one of the sessions I just sat there thinking "That's DS!" with everything they said! By then my DS was alreay at secondary school. He is definitely autistic though he has never been formally diagnosed. He is very high functioning and as an adult he has been able to overcome the difficulties he had as a child which were mainly with socialising. He struggled making friends and was bullied at primary school and to a lesser extent at secondary school. He is sensitive to some sensory things such as hearing people chewing. However he is now a successful adult - he has a PhD and is a University lecturer. He is married and has children and plenty good friends.

Autism is a spectrum and children are affected in different ways and to different extents. DS succeeded without any particular interventions but many will need help so early recognition could be important.

I recently spoke to my ex husband and mentioned DS's autism and he got really angry, insisting that our son was not autistic! Unfortunately for some people there is a perceived stigma and I think in the end he was able to accept that I may be right. He also admitted that his own father may have been autistic too. Having worked with special needs kids over many years before retirement I know that there is a huge variation in how autistic kids are affected but there is help out there for those whose difficulties need it.

As for the suggestion that tongue-tie causes gagging and lack of speech - this is extremely unlikely. Even if the sub-lingual frenulum extends right to the tip of the tongue, children can still swallow and talk. You can try it yourself by keeping the tip of your tongue down while you swallow. Infants with extreme tongue tie are picked up at the maternity ward and have an immediate procedure if it interferes with feeding. Tongue-tie does not stop children talking. The only speech sound which might be affected is /r/ and most children substitute /w/ for /r/ until school age anyway ("I want a wed one".)

I was speaking from experience but obviously you have more knowledge of this than I do, as mine is anecdotal.

No, it is not always picked up in the maternity ward.

Read to him as much as he’ll tolerate. Rhymes, poems and songs are good too. Repetition will help, then he can be encouraged to come in with the last word in a line. He will enjoy the routine, and his success at getting the word right.

As he’s in a nursery setting the staff will be trained in all aspects of education and will pick up on any such problems.

NemosMum, thank goodness for your advice. I too tire of people who say ' don't label him or 'wait and see he will grow out of it'. Assessment is paramount and if there is a diognosis the stops will then be pulled out to ensure the child gets what is necessary to progress. If this were my GC I would be speaking to the parents.

We always thought our grandson showed signs of autism from an early age but said nothing. A big mistake. He has just been diagnosed aged 10 after having to pay privately and his parents going through hell trying to get help. All the family suspected autism but didn't like to say anything. Please don't make the same mistake.

I do agree that if it is autism then the sooner it is diagnosed the better and it's likely that the nursery will pick it up if this is the case.
There are quite a few children with autism at my grandchildren's primary school and they can cope very well there. Some don't like noise, some don't mix with other children, but many are very "normal" if slightly withdrawn.
One little boy there doesn't have school lunches because, even if the food is something that he likes, if it isn't absolutely identical to the one he gets at home he simply won't eat it. Maybe you can check with your daughter exactly how she prepares the food that he likes?
I wonder if you could take him to a big toy shop or toy department when it is quiet? Then he can see if there are any toys that he likes. I'd agree with other posters that you need extra sets of toys if that is possible as a missing piece would probably upset him.
"Orchard" make loads of different toys: pairing games, a lovely shopping trolley game and easy jigsaws, amongst others. They can supply missing pieces if things get lost. My own grandchildren love their games and have played them since they were less than two years old. Many toy shops sell them or you can buy them online from the makers.

I was a Speech and Language Therapist. I ran courses for families of pre-school children with suspected autism and severe communication difficulties. Obviously, NannaNell1967 you are quite right that the parents of the little one will need to be the ones to seek help, and you will need to choose your moment before suggesting they get an opinion from a Health Visitor/doctor. However, from the point of view of services and educational input, the sooner the better. I can't agree with people who say "don't label your child" and advocating wait and see. You have noticed some possible indicators and getting the right needs assessment and input can take a long time. There's no waiting list so long as the one you are not even on yet! As for the suggestion that tongue-tie causes gagging and lack of speech - this is extremely unlikely. Even if the sub-lingual frenulum extends right to the tip of the tongue, children can still swallow and talk. You can try it yourself by keeping the tip of your tongue down while you swallow. Infants with extreme tongue tie are picked up at the maternity ward and have an immediate procedure if it interferes with feeding. Tongue-tie does not stop children talking. The only speech sound which might be affected is /r/ and most children substitute /w/ for /r/ until school age anyway ("I want a wed one".) Regarding looking after the little one, routine is important for all children, and particularly those with challenges. Can parents send over a selection of favourites? Try and get down with the child and do a bit of parallel play with the same materials, accompanied by a bit of simple commentary: "Blue car goes ZOOM". "Mine car is broken". "What a big tower!" Wishing you all the best - you are very wise to say you are not worried about what he will be, and that your love is unconditional.

My DD has autism and ADHD and is a nurse.

She loved all sorts of toys and books when she was little.

Hi, when my GC was 2 we noticed similar traits. He was also non verbal. We expressed our concerns to DS and DIL and they had no idea as they were first time parents and had nothing to compare against. They took immediate action contacting the relevant authorities for help but it was a long slow process to get a diagnosis of Autism. This diagnosis has entitled them to all sorts of help, he’s 11 now, speaks well, is very funny and attends a special school. Please encourage the parents to take action to ensure he gets the best help possible.