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Would you allow a neighbour to use your shower?

(184 Posts)
biglouis Fri 08-Nov-24 01:11:55

Interesting discussion on Mumsnet where a neighbour has a broken shower that cant be fixed for 2 weeks and asks OP if she can use hers “every other day”. Op is taken aback and wants to refuse as she does not like visitors. However most posters tell her she is mean to refuse.

My nephew was recently in this position as the housing association could not fix it for 2 weeks. He showered here twice a week (40 minute walk) and the rest of the time made do with an old fashioned wash at the sink. Ive also had to do that for several days when my bathroom was being re-fitted. I would not have dreamed of asking a neighbour. I think its a dreadful imposition.

I was brought up in a house with an outside loo and no bathroom so all we had was a flannel wash at the sink or a tin bath once a week. We managed.

I would not allow a neighbour past my door. I don’t know them and they don’t know me.

What would you do?

flappergirl Fri 08-Nov-24 08:26:14

No, I wouldn't like that and certainly not every other day. When I moved in to my current flat I had no hot water for 2 weeks so we boiled kettles and had strip down washes at the sink. Admittedly I didn't know my neighbours at that stage but quite frankly even if I did, it wouldn't even enter my head to ask to use their shower.

Just to say that I have offered all sorts of help to my neighbours over the years and vice versa but this (for me personally) wouldn't sit well. It also wouldn't work logistically due to my strange working hours.

Oldnproud Fri 08-Nov-24 08:53:31

I would hate that, and would certainly never ask it of a neighbour, unless we were very close friends.

On several occasions in recent years we have been without any hot running water whatsoever for a few weeks, and have coped OK.

It's not like there are no alternatives to showering - a good strip wash is fine, and as long as she is still able to bend, it's not that hard to wash one's hair over the basin either. That's how most people did it anyway when I was a child.

But she has asked, and put you in a really awkward position ...

Grandmabatty Fri 08-Nov-24 08:56:51

I only have one bathroom but would happily acquiesce if a neighbour asked. My neighbours are lovely people and very obliging so I would be happy to help

Maggiemaybe Fri 08-Nov-24 08:59:18

Yes, of course, and I hope I’d think to offer if they didn’t ask. We’ve only one bathroom, but it would surely put it out of action for 10 minutes tops.

We know nearly all our neighbours and we look out for one another. Our toilet was frozen for more than a week one Christmas and we had six visitors staying over on Christmas Eve. Fortunately our next door neighbour was away, but she let us have her key without a second thought.

pascal30 Fri 08-Nov-24 09:23:51

I would certainly help neighbours if they needed it..

dogsmother Fri 08-Nov-24 10:03:11

Simple I would offer.
I on the other hand wouldn’t ask.

PinkCosmos Fri 08-Nov-24 10:10:58

I would probably agree. I would expect them to bring their own towels, soap/shower gel etc. though.

However, if I was the one without a shower, I am with Bluebelle. I wouldn't even ask my neighbours if I could use theirs, though I am sure they would let me. I would have a strip wash at the sink and, if necessary, wash my hair over the sink - like I did in the olden days grin.

25Avalon Fri 08-Nov-24 10:12:59

Surely they could manage for two weeks without a shower. Have we become too concerned with cleanliness? Does this post show an age divide? To some maybe a shower a day is an essential necessity but older people who remember pre shower times when it was a bath once a week May think not.

DamaskRose Fri 08-Nov-24 10:13:21

It wouldn’t occur to me not to allow my neighbours the use of our downstairs shower (or even the upstairs one) if they needed it, or the loo or anything else. I’m not overly friendly with them (except next door) but it’s just a neighbourly thing to do.

Fleurpepper Fri 08-Nov-24 10:19:07

Doodledog

For context, the neighbours on the MN thread do know one another- they walk their dogs together.

Obviously it is up to the householder whether she lets people use her facilities, but yes, I would allow it. I would give a set time, and expect the neighbour to stick to it - I wouldn’t want to go to use the bathroom to find it occupied, or have someone knocking on the door when I am showering- but it’s not a huge imposition. A shower takes less than half an hour from start to finish.

I don’t socialise with my neighbours, but would do them a favour if they needed it, and hope they would do the same for us.

Well here the big difference, I know my neighbours and I trust them. We are not in each other's pockets, but if they ever needed to use my shower, or washing machine, or even my kitchen, or my car (as I am covered by insurance for others to use it), or whatever- they would be welcome. And they would do the same for me. Makes for a better world all round truly.

Cossy Fri 08-Nov-24 10:20:09

We have done a neighbours washing when their machine was broken and their small amounts of shopping, I think I probably would let a neighbour use our shower, so long as they brought their own towel!

TerriBull Fri 08-Nov-24 10:20:35

I'm not sure I could see that scenario playing out, but in the interests of good neighbourly relations I think I would. I've definitely had members of the family use our facilities on the rare occasions they've had bathroom problems and also our washing machine if theirs had packed up.

I did once have an occasion back in 2 houses ago, where a neighbour a few doors along, who I knew reasonably well insomuch as we'd been invited to theirs for drinks, come and ask me if she could dry a rug on our whirligig, I said yes, but did think at the time, "what an utterly bizarre request" given she didn't really explain why she couldn't use her own garden to dry it in.

Athrawes Fri 08-Nov-24 10:32:38

In our neighbourhood everyone keeps themselves to themselves so the only people who shower in our house are my DH, granddaughter and her fiance. I don't think I'd like someone I don't know using our shower unless there'd been an incident of some sort

Shelflife Fri 08-Nov-24 10:47:09

It would depend heavily on which of my neighbours asked !
I must add that if my shower was broken I would not dream of asking any of my neighbours if I could use their shower! Surely a wash at the sink would serve the purpose until my shower was repaired.
A local leisure centre is an option , I attend one regularly and always use the shower there before and after my swim . Asking to use a neighbours shower is a bit if an imposition, but if put in that post I would or say yes.

Shelflife Fri 08-Nov-24 10:51:36

Position!

Allira Fri 08-Nov-24 10:52:39

If they wanted to use it at 6.30 or 7 am every other morning, then no.

I wouldn't ask either.

Reminder to self - do not get rid of the bath.

Cherrytree59 Fri 08-Nov-24 10:54:00

I would allow but I know my neighbour wouldn't ask .
If I was on that position, I would use gym facilities .

I am lucky enough to have 2 showers, but my daughter has only one , her and family would have full use , she has a key so not an issue.
Most of my friends have gym membership, so would use their facilities.
If I wasn't a member of a gym I would use local swimming pool every other day.

Most gyms gives a 14 trial period (due to cooling off period), so that would be an option.

But as the question was would you allow ? Then yes I would.

Allira Fri 08-Nov-24 10:54:48

I should add, if it was once or twice at a reasonable time then yes; but a fortnight? Surely they can find a plumber to come out in an emergency?

Our neighbours are lovely (most of them!) but we wouldn't ask them.

Fleurpepper Fri 08-Nov-24 10:57:41

When we were without heating last Spring for 10 days, no hot water, we didn't need to ask. Our neighbours offered immediately, but we managed with boiling water and a bucket of water in the bath. And I went to the swimming pool to wash my hair once and to the hairdresser once.

Luckygirl3 Fri 08-Nov-24 11:02:07

I would of course let my neighbour use my shower under these circumstances. I know they would do the same for me.

Debbi58 Fri 08-Nov-24 11:41:12

We had this dilemma a few months ago , hubbie and I were abroad on holiday Daughter ( 31) was at home. She's a teacher so works full time , first day of holiday , she rings us to say , we have no hot water. Long story short , we had a problem with our gas meter and it switched of the gas to the property, so she didn't have any hot water or use of the gas hob. Luckily our neighbours are lovely and they tried to fix the problem and let her use their shower , whilst waiting for ours to get repaired

TheWeirdo Fri 08-Nov-24 11:57:19

If the neighbour is disabled and/or elderly they'd be welcome to use my shower but if not ... they can have a sink wash!

AGAA4 Fri 08-Nov-24 11:57:56

Some of my neighbours are very kind and after an accident recently they all offered help so I would definitely let any one of them use my shower. Life runs more smoothly if we help each other.

Patsy70 Fri 08-Nov-24 12:09:03

I’d willingly let my neighbours use my shower in these circumstances, and I know that they would reciprocate, if necessary. I’m fortunate to have some very good neighbours, who are also friends. We all help each other out. 😊

Warbler Fri 08-Nov-24 12:11:43

It depends. If I felt uncomfortable about it I would probably buy her a nice flannel, a bowl and a bar of soap. I lived on a boat for years and for the first six months we didn't have a shower installed. I was horrified that I had to wash like this at first, but soon I got used to it and you can be just as clean with a flannel! Believe me.