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Would you allow a neighbour to use your shower?

(184 Posts)
biglouis Fri 08-Nov-24 01:11:55

Interesting discussion on Mumsnet where a neighbour has a broken shower that cant be fixed for 2 weeks and asks OP if she can use hers “every other day”. Op is taken aback and wants to refuse as she does not like visitors. However most posters tell her she is mean to refuse.

My nephew was recently in this position as the housing association could not fix it for 2 weeks. He showered here twice a week (40 minute walk) and the rest of the time made do with an old fashioned wash at the sink. Ive also had to do that for several days when my bathroom was being re-fitted. I would not have dreamed of asking a neighbour. I think its a dreadful imposition.

I was brought up in a house with an outside loo and no bathroom so all we had was a flannel wash at the sink or a tin bath once a week. We managed.

I would not allow a neighbour past my door. I don’t know them and they don’t know me.

What would you do?

Tenko Fri 08-Nov-24 19:51:48

We have 3 bathrooms , so it’s a yes from me . We have lovely neighbours except for a couple one side of us , who keep to themselves. In our road we feed cats , take in parcels and water plants and generally help each other . I’ve taken in washing when a neighbour’s machine broke and they’ve offered to do ours when it went on the blink .
I’m not sure id ask a neighbour if I could use their shower , I’d hope they would offer .

FriedGreenTomatoes2 Fri 08-Nov-24 19:58:21

Fleurpepper

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Here, in Málaga we did just that for a week during summer a couple of years back when our neighbours along the landing were having their bathroom refurbished. In fact, such a lovely Spanish couple, we gave his wife a spare key so they wouldn’t feel embarrassed - and we used to knock on and say “we’re off for the day, not back before 4pm, so come over whenever it suits you best”.

Ah thanks, got it now! Been wondering for a while.

What have you been wondering?
That I had a name change from Urmstongran?
It wasn’t a secret.
A glitch had me contacting GNHQ and they helped me set up.
A new name was my idea as with our family circumstances I felt too identifiable and Lily from HQ was so very kind facilitating my return.

crazyH Fri 08-Nov-24 20:05:23

I would and I have let my neighbour use my shower - no big deal !

lemsip Sat 09-Nov-24 00:07:56

I would not! don't know what I would say so hope Im never asked

Grammaretto Sat 09-Nov-24 04:08:19

When we first moved into our house over 40 yrs ago, we had no hot water for weeks and no bath for months.
My DM who lived with us, used to catch a bus into Edinburgh once a week to have a proper bath at the Infirmary Street baths, for a small fee soap and towels provided.

We met a family, through our church, who offered us all baths once or twice during those dirty months. They also fed us. At that time our 3 DS were starting at a new school.
We probably stank!
How excited we were when our bath was at last installed.
We didn't have a shower for another 20 years.
Recently I was able to house a family of 3 for 3 weeks while their house has been out of action due to flooding.
I now have a guest room with ensuite and mini kitchen so it's no hardship.
How times and standards have changed.

Bonnybanko Sat 09-Nov-24 06:21:06

Of course I would give my neighbour the use of my shower. That’s the neighbourly thing to do isn’t it? I’ve no fear, they would do the same for me.

Sago Sat 09-Nov-24 08:24:41

It’s an interesting one and the answers may depend on whether or not you have more than one bathroom.
I have a lovely neighbour who I would allow to use a bathroom in our home.
I do however have a neighbour who I would certainly not want to use our facilities.

NotSpaghetti Sat 09-Nov-24 09:13:12

Yes, I'd do it absolutely!
I have had extended family use mine and I have used my next-door neighbour's shower (when the spare part for ours was going to be 5 working days and the bath was "out").

Showering in a swimming pool in your swimsuit is not at all the same.

I'd want a time-slot though (5-6pm or 8 -9 am or whatever).
It feels awkward using a neighbour's shower - better if it's not their only bathroom!

NotSpaghetti Sat 09-Nov-24 09:25:27

Cherrytree
Most gyms gives a 14 trial period (due to cooling off period), so that would be an option.

Not here... neither my own gym, nor the one my daughter uses even offer a one day trial!

Curlywhirly Sat 09-Nov-24 11:23:46

Most definitely. We have more than 1 bathroom, so no problem, but even if we only had 1, I wouldn't hesitate.

Soozikinzi Sat 09-Nov-24 11:59:35

I would allow my neighbour to use our shower yes . We see to each others dogs if the other is out all day . But if I was in that position I'd ask my BiL and SiL.who live a couple of miles away and pop down there a couple of times and manage with a good wash on the other days. .

Rosie51 Sat 09-Nov-24 12:06:15

I only have the one bathroom containing the only toilet, so would be reluctant, but depending on which neighbour it was would probably agree. I'm surprised though at all those who say of course they would allow a neighbour, it's the friendly nice thing to do, but then go on to say they'd never ask the neighbour they'd improvise with strip washes. Why wouldn't they use the neighbour's shower, allowing the neighbour to be the generous provider?

Doodledog Sat 09-Nov-24 22:59:12

I wouldn't want to strip wash for a fortnight.

If a random stranger turned up and claimed to be dirty Gertie from number 30 I wouldn't be keen, but I know the people in my little street to talk to/take parcels in, which is different.

I think most of them would have other ports of call before getting to me, as I would them, but if next door asked I would offer them a time when we are usually eating (ie evening with warning, not first thing when we might have slept in, and definitely not a blanket 'drop in when you feel like it' offer).

Lovetopaint037 Sun 10-Nov-24 11:20:29

The only thing that first occurred to me about her neighbour’s request was that stated “every other day”. I could understand if she had asked for the a chance to wash her hair a couple of times. It is only for a couple of weeks after all. Surely a stand up wash at the bathroom sink could be managed with her feet in a soapy bowl of water.

Etoile2701 Sun 10-Nov-24 11:34:42

I am embarrassed at my shabby bathroom and would try to find an excuse .

undines Sun 10-Nov-24 11:35:29

I would say yes
I probably would even offer
But I would not like to be asked.
And I would never ask myself
It would need to be managed as I would not like the intrusion and would not wish it to extend to staying round my place having coffee etc as I am too busy

MissAdventure Sun 10-Nov-24 11:40:36

It does seem to be a strange request, thinking abut it, but seeing how obsessed some people are about bathing/showering, it's reasonable.

I haven't got a shower, anyway.

Brownowl564 Sun 10-Nov-24 11:43:12

I think the neighbour has a damn cheek asking, and those saying she should allow it are idiots, 2 weeks isn’t that long, they have a basin at least, maybe even a bath so they can make do and grow up

grandMattie Sun 10-Nov-24 11:43:19

I was incredibly grateful this time last year when my mouldy bathroom was being refitted; walls, floors and all…
My upstairs neighbour gave me her house keys so I could use the loo and shower; my neighbour opposite welcomed me at every visit.
I hardly knew them, having moved to this part of the country only a few months earlier.
So, yes, if one of the people in the retirement complex needed it, I would certainly let them use my bathroom.

HeavenLeigh Sun 10-Nov-24 11:43:38

No simply cos I don’t know my neighbours and they don’t know me either. I also wouldn’t ask although we have more than one bathroom. If we knew them well then yes but I’m not sure I would allow 7 times use no

CariadAgain Sun 10-Nov-24 11:44:53

undines

I would say yes
I probably would even offer
But I would not like to be asked.
And I would never ask myself
It would need to be managed as I would not like the intrusion and would not wish it to extend to staying round my place having coffee etc as I am too busy

Easy enough to say "Yes fine - you can use my shower - but I'll be too busy I'm afraid to 'socialise'. So tell me what time you have in mind for it....". So perfectly fair enough to be too busy for a quick coffee - but one is still being helpful and "getting a few favours 'in the bank' if one needs help oneself at some point".

The only reason I wouldn't do it for my current neighbours is they've been doing things like trespassing in my garden/stealing a bit of my garden/threatening to trim branches off a tree etc and that took a lot of sorting-out what they were up to and make it very plain it is my garden/nowt to do with them.

But if I'd got "normal" neighbours = then yeah...not a problem.

icanhandthemback Sun 10-Nov-24 11:46:55

They wouldn't need to ask, I'd offer. As long as they didn't expect to scrub their back...! grin

MissAdventure Sun 10-Nov-24 11:47:34

Or their front!!

fluttERBY123 Sun 10-Nov-24 11:49:20

Nobody except acs and gcs. For myself a flannel or the local gym. Bodies don't smell anyway except a few bits, it's the clothes.

Sweetsnbooksnradio4 Sun 10-Nov-24 12:01:15

I had a similar thought - take themselves off to the swimming pool and get a bit of exercise in the bargain!