Does anybody have literally nobody?

Juniewoonie I remember your post when your son died and have often thought of you since.

Fleurpepper

Of course, for the very elderly, this can be true.

However, and wihout sounding harsh or unsympathetic- having no-one must have an element of choice. Even if you have no sibblings or children, no family left- if you hve no friends or acquaintances you can rely on (and vice versa)- then it has to be because you have chosen to take yourself out of the world, somehow.

You might view that comment as not harsh or unsympathetic but some people just might.

A fleeting thought but have you considered researching your family tree to see if there are any distant relatives anywhere.
A close friend of mine did her H’s some years ago and discovered a distant cousin they knew nothing about and living about 10 miles away from them.
They made contact with her and she thought she was totally alone, never married and no relatives.
They had an instant rapport and became good friends until she died.
Her whole close knit family embraced her and they all benefited from her will when she died.
This certainly was not the reason they did it , they are a lovely welcoming family who enhanced her life.
How wonderful it would be if you could find family you have no idea about.

Anybody who wants a chat please PM. Thanks

Please ignore the above post from me. My phone played up. Lost the whole message. Will try again later.

I am so sorry to read your post stayanotherday and am at a loss as to what to say to you. My life is different in so many ways, not least of which, I’m old, mid 80s. You, my lovely, are so very young, especially to have made the decision in your early 50s to”shut down”. I was an only child, my parents’ friends were childless or had grown up children so I grew up surrounded by adults. I was determined this wasn’t going to happen to me, and it didn’t. After 62 years of marriage, my DH is still with me, together with three daughters, eight grandchildren and five great grandchildren, all but a handful living locally, keeping in regular touch through WhatsApp groups, etc. You don’t come more blessed than that. So I feel I can offer you nothing except to recommend this group. It’s so good stayanotherday - I’ve just had my hip replaced & the support and encouragement I’ve received from GN in the last couple of weeks has been invaluable. So stay with us on here & chat when you feel like it. There will always be someone on the other end. Sending you loads of hugs.

Taichinan what a I u

Stayanotherday I hope all the responses to your post are a help to you. Personally I'm wondering if you are actually depressed and not just feeling down. Others have agreed that
you're living in a rather depressed area, and your age points to your being either menopausal or post-menopausal and those two things alone would be enough to make you feel 'Oh what's the point!'. Perhaps the first thing you should do is see your doctor. As so many have said, early fifties is much too young to give up, and you've had many excellent suggestions as to how you can take charge of your life and turn things around. And I'm sure you do really want to do that! I am not in your position but I do spend a lot of my time alone because my husband died young and my wonderful family are spread far and wide. I no longer, at the age of 83, have the energy to go looking for things to do and new people to meet. I am also losing my hearing which makes social interaction difficult. Anyway, I've done all that and I've got the t-shirt! There are, however, two things that I keep at the forefront of my mind. One is the "attitude of gratitude" and the other is The Serenity Prayer. Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit low I find it hard to make a list of the things I'm grateful for and at other times the list is endless, but I do try to envisage something, however small, every day.
The Serenity Prayer - 'God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.' In all my life I have never come across wiser words.
And there is one other thing, and that is NOW. Now is all we have, so forget about the past and the future, and concentrate on making Now as good as you can. Once you succeed in making every Now something you enjoy and appreciate everything will be so much better.
I do hope you feel better about yourself soon and that posting on here will prove to have been a turning point for you x

Eirlys- I am also a member of that group - a Super Trouper!
Its a wonderful group and like you say, we talk about anything and everything!

stayanotherday
I am dsaddened to read your posts here. Wales must have changed a lot since I left the land I still refer to as Home. We usually make everyone welcome . The evacuee we had during WW2 became a close friend till her death in 2018. as were members of her family.
I am a member of a web group called Looking Fabulous Forever but frankly we don't often talk about make up, everything else, yes! The owner is Tricia Cusden and she is great. Do Google for info and join. It's free and I guarantee you will be made welcome. Real contact is best, obviously, but if that can't be managed then an online community really can help.

There was a case some years ago, of a working young woman who had died in her flat, with nobody finding her for some weeks.

I think everyone just assumed she was busy, like them, when she disappeared.

It's often rent owing that alerts people.

I’m on my own but keep occupied as bedbound watching films, chatting to friends on social media.

I keep sane by playing word and number games. I too moved to S Wales 10 years ago. There is no way of hoping to join in nor be accepted.

When I step outside, a dead silence greets me if anyone else is around.

Soul destroying really.

I remember some nurse or doctor saying she had been surprised to find so many patients who had literally nobody. No relations, no friends. It’s very sad.

Hi , I'm own my own , my 2 sons visit on Sat & Sun , all through the week I'm on my own with my little dog , if you want to chat please PM me

You don’t sound like an idiot or come across as a joke at all.
may I suggest another forum you may be interested in? www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/
Seeing many other people were going through the same thing as I had was really eye opening and helpful. Much better than any therapist I saw. Chin up! ;)

I have to spend a lot of time on my own in my room in bed because I am chronically ill. The Internet can be really good for providing a little human connection. Look at all the people chatting on this thread. Most of us are probably on our own right now.

I know of one or two with literally no relatives and not married so try and be there as much as I can but I do have a fairly large family far and wide . I once nursed a man of 86 who was quite a bad tempered person with no relatives . However an elderly lady with a strong northern accent used to ring up the unit and ask after him saying “Everybody needs somebody”. We nurses clubbed together so she could come from east London by taxi and back to visit but she declined saying she wasn’t strong enough to do it .

Dear Stayanotherday,
You are not an idiot and you are not a joke.
Please don't believe that.
Please take small steps to finding someone on your wavelength.
What are your interests?
We are all on your side xx

When I moved to a completely new area the local church was a lifeline for me. I didn't know anyone at first but people were so amazingly friendly and welcomed me with open arms. I found myself roped into helping with all sorts of things, some I enjoyed and others not so much. 8 years on I have a group of wonderful friends.

TheWeirdoAgain59

I'm 59, never married/no partner/no kids by choice and have only ever lived alone and with pets, which I don't have at the moment. Working f/t. I can't stand most men, with exception to Gary Busey and Erik Estrada!

I have absolutely no family of any sort by blood or law, nobody I would classify as friends, more acquaintances.

Once I'm dead I won't care what anyone does with my belongings but I've never made a will and never would, I don't see the point with my circumstances but I'm very happy on my own, I can do what I like when I like without a partner getting in my way!

I would say to do a will - unless you don't own your home and have nothing to speak of in the way of savings etc. Otherwise what you own will go to whoever is deemed to be "next of kin". It's laid down in law in Britain - well certainly the English/Welsh part anyway and I presume the rest of the country would be the same??

I know my father said to me years back - when I was finally able to buy a house at last (ie in my 30's - by which time both he and I had realised there was a good chance Mr Right never would show up and I'd stay single accordingly) that I needed a will - now that I owned something noticeable. His words were "....and if you don't make a will your brother will be treated as 'next of kin' and he'll get it".

I already knew exactly what my brother was like (and the years proved me right on that one!) and I duly made out one (leaving everything to whichever environmental charity I thought of first basically - specifically so my brother couldnt get his hands on it). I've amended it to a different environmental charity since - but at least heaved a sigh of relief when our parents died and my brother turned out to be exactly as I thought he would be - and I can at least sleep easy knowing I've made very sure he literally can't get a penny from what I own. My words at that point about him were unprintable and totally unsurprised that I'd been exactly right about him - but always finished with "Thank goodness I've made sure he can't get a penny of what I own - and his children will have to take a running jump off the nearest bridge if they start looking in my direction for anything at that point".

Since my husband and son died, I’m totally alone apart from my dogs and cat. Apart from the postman and delivery man I can go weeks and weeks without talking to anyone. I did try my local church but it was very cliquey (seats reserved for friends etc.). I do chat to a lot of people on social media but it’s not the same is it? I miss hugs and just having someone who cares. I do wonder if I died at home how long it would take before I was found.

What I find so sad these days is that so many adult children claim to be too busy to visit, pick up the phone, or even text, and the fact that so many of us even repeat this to others, as if to justify why they leave us alone. The fact is, that they can all make time for things they enjoy, and people that they WANT to see.

I had a very interesting conversation with two of my granddaughters at the weekend, where I asked them if they actually think about us, unless we contact them. One of them who is single works, and has no kids, early 20's, was really honest and said no, but also said that she's the same with friends, and is often told off by them for not keeping in touch more often. The other one is a single mum, again, early 20's who works part time, her response was that she's always got so much going on, so does tend to rely on me making the effort. I find this really sad, and wonder how their lives will be by the time they reach retirement, if they can't be bothered to even think about others at this stage in their lives. It also makes me wonder why I make the effort with them, if they don't even think about me, am I really that desperate to be loved??

Circumstances can take you out, I think.

Of course, for the very elderly, this can be true.

However, and wihout sounding harsh or unsympathetic- having no-one must have an element of choice. Even if you have no sibblings or children, no family left- if you hve no friends or acquaintances you can rely on (and vice versa)- then it has to be because you have chosen to take yourself out of the world, somehow.

Stayanotherday
Have you considered getting a small dog - they are great company and get you out which can lead to chats with other dog lovers.
I'm afraid I have nothing more to add so I will wish you all the best for finding friends who appreciate you.