Does anybody have literally nobody?

There is a lady over the road from me who has absolutely no-one. She is now early 80's but still quite fit at the moment but I keep an eye out if I don't see her bin go out on bin day etc. I don't know what will happen when she passes away as no-one will know and it is a worry. She admits to being a loner but enjoys it that way.

Thanks for replying.

That's very kind of you and pleased the lady's happy with her choices. That is a worry though.

We know someone who is in that situation, currently in hospital after a fall. He lives some distance from us but we try to keep an eye on him.
How about you stay another day?

I’m sorry you’re in this position.
Is there anyway you can get out & about?
Churches are wonderful places to make friends as they often have things like coffee mornings.

Hi stayanotherday - what a poignant username. I don’t know anyone who is completely alone. However, 2 doors away , there’s an 85yearold widow, with no children, but has sisters and a niece, but they hardly bother with her. She is very lucky in that her neighbours keep an eye on her. She has had a couple of falls recently m but has almost bounced back. She is quite content. Do you have neighbours ? Do you live way out in the country? Or were you asking just out of curiosity? Interesting question though …

I knew my neighbour at least had a daughter but she keeps herself very much to herself apart from her little dog.

I found out the other day she has 7 grandchildren! I've never seen any of them, seems a bits sad to me.

Well, you've got us now stayanotherday.

@Silverlining48 How kind of you to look out for him and he's not on his own with you

@ Kandinsky Thanks. I've tried everything but people either don't bother or use me.

@CrazyH Thanks. It's from the East17 song! Glad your neighbour's okay and has great neighbours.

@Keepingquiet That's a shame but glad the lady's happy

@Growstuff Thanks so much and you've got us too

My friend only has her partner. If anything happened to him, she has nobody.

Thanks for replying and enquiring. My story:

Wasn't wanted by family apart from two members who died early on. Lived rurally, nobody my age nearby. Loved secondary school, great teachers and had a few close friends who disappeared on leaving.

Moved away to a town, Llanelli where I could afford but very unfriendly and insular and now rundown with little going on. Nobody talks to anybody here. Once an outsider, always an outsider so wasn't welcome at clubs and groups. A number of others have found this. Tried to be neighbourly but after anti-social behaviour from a few and being taken advantage of, stopped.

Thought I had friends at work and volunteered at a group for nearly twenty years but they disappeared during the pandemic and after redundancy respectively, despite many efforts to stay in touch phoning, messaging and offering to help drop shopping off.

Found another job, NHS where you're on your own and people move around. Joined courses where the people were great, the classes got on very well and they mentioned keeping in touch but disappeared or were always busy.

Became a Samaritans listener and although some were kind and I loved the volunteering, there was a very toxic atmosphere so people left. Tried to join other charities who never got back. Messaged a few people online who ghosted after a bit.

I'm an idiot and a joke. My parents and one manager were correct all along. A people pleaser who was taken full advantage of and only good enough until something else comes along. I stopped being desperate and chasing as that's off putting and attracts the wrong people, whilst going out there being friendly, interested in others and making efforts. I'm quiet and maybe don't have great people skills but can't win anyway. Might as well have stayed in viewing TV.

Decided now early fifties to shut down even though it's very hard and not fun, sometimes frightening. I was stranded in London with Storm Bert when the trains didn't run and the coaches were full. Found somewhere to stay eventually as you have to deal with these situations sometimes, but there was nobody to call or potentially help.

Tried two therapists who were very nice but gave no input as it was like talking to myself.

There are some kind people around, this thread proves that but have lost goodwill and most importantly trust to try anymore.

I just wondered if anybody else was similar.

@Primrose53 Your friend has you

I wouldn't say I'm in the same situation, but very similar, in terms of having to sort things, and face things on my own.

Once you're out of the loop, so to speak, it's very hard to get back into it.

Enforced solitude isn't always easy, I have to say.

@MissAdventure That's a shame and so hard for you. Yes as you learn not to rely on having company and no longer know and feel able to relate to anybody.

Ah, yes.
I've felt like that, quite ungrateful, it must come across, but it's just a sort of unease.
Of course, it has it's upsides, too.

Hi stayanotherday here is a link to a very helpful self help book. It looks at how our relationships are influenced by our childhood experiences and how that affects how we relate to ourselves and to others as adults. www.amazon.co.uk/Change-Better-Through-Practical-Psychotherapy/dp/082646176X?tag=gransnetforum-21

I do find the internet is great for not feeling alone even if you are on your own. I remember many years ago there was an earth tremor in the night; I said something on the internet and immediately got a reassuring response. That was the first time I became aware of the good side of the internet.And, as someone that doesn’t really socialise well I love being able to chat about tv, films, music etc on social media. There are so many fascinating Facebook pages, too, for people with unusual interests eg corrugated iron buildings, old doors, shard collections. Which isn’t really answering the original question, I know.

@MissAdventure You don't sound ungrateful, rather you get used to it and distrust people.

@ShadowDancer Thanks so much, that's incredibly kind and hope you have good people around you. Have ordered.

Well, you can always nip on here for a chat, stayanotherday, if you're feeling particularly alone anytime.

I'm interested in your username; it's an East17 song.

@MayBee70 Yes the internet is a real treasure trove and great for those on their own. There's loads of interesting stuff and glad you've found likeminded people. I like Brutalist architecture. Some real rabbit holes and it's a valid point.

@MissAdventure Thanks and so can you Yes it is and a very important meaning. Yours is a very positive and interesting username!

Hello stayanotherday I m not in your position but wanted to say hello and send a 🤗
I do live alone and that can have its blessings and downside too but I’m lucky in as much as I have children and grandchildren, all fairly well scattered but can be on the end of a telephone one nearby who helps me a lot and I can get a lot of support if needed
I have a voluntary job that keeps me going I have fun, i work very hard and it makes me feel useful and needed and I have some close friends who would help if needed and yes I use the internet and have made a couple of lifelong friends on GN

Where you live sounds very inhospitable any chance of a move ? I don’t really know any of my immediate neighbours although I m pretty sure if I was in trouble they would help

The problem I find is the longer you live alone the less you can ever live with someone but you are still so young and have loads of time to change your situation although you’ve tried and tried please don’t give up, try again this time might be better, don’t lose hope, that’s sometimes all we have ..hope

stayanotherday my sister retired to Llanelli with her husband.He's since passed away.As they did everything together she was left quite lost with no friends.Three years on she's made a small group of friends to meet up with and even go on coach holidays with.
She's not one for clubs etc but she goes to a cafe regularly or on the bus to the out of town shopping centre.She'll make conversation with people and has made friends during these outings.There's a lot of lonely people who appreciate a chat.
Llanelli is very run down now but I love the coastal path walk.Wishing you all the best.

You all have us all here at least.

We can “listen” and try and help.

Please take care

I do value grandsnet it’s got me through some lonely or concerning times