Why be lonely?

teabagwoman that really hit home, my mum was deaf and I don’t think I appreciated at all how hard it was for her in some situations and I beat myself up now because I should have done better and I can’t now I did do a lot for her but I know I wasnt thoughtful enough about her deafness

And spare a thought for those of us with poor hearing. I daren’t start a conversation as I may not be able to hear the reply! Group situations are the worst as it’s impossible to pick out one voice. Sitting listening to lots of other people enjoying a chat is very lonely.

Some years ago I was invited/press-ganged by a newish neighbour to attend their New Years Day lunch, "because all your relatives are dead, love."

What was I thinking? They talked extra loud and slowly, talked round me ie: "d'you think she wants a little more wine ?" and the grand finalè was when the hostess lunged across and began cutting up my food! I think I just about avoided being spoon-fed.

Nope, being alone is far, far preferable to risking that kind of Social Experiment!!!

It’s hard isn’t it I think you just have to get on with getting on in whichever way you can
You do get used to being alone and it can then be uncomfortable to be in company I m a bit of both really I often think I ve been lonely all my life and that’s perhaps my natural but I can be very sociable and most of my friends would not describe me as a quiet retiring person!! but that is the real me and I can resort to it very easily

I think in some instances your son in law is right people do have to make their own way and make their own friends and try and mix but for some it’s very hard or almost impossible for other it’s just more comfortable being alone

No easy answers like life in general it’s complex

I agree with your son-in-law. There is plenty going on, it's up to people to get out and get involved.
I'm alone and spent Christmas alone. It was my choice. If I had wanted company, there was a Christmas dinner organised at the community centre, or the Salvation Army had something similar. I'm not a social person and prefer my own company.

Ah Dickens havent we all been in that situation! I think a good host would have introduced to people. What to do? Ask the host to introduce you, introduce yourself to people or a sharp exit as you did.

You can be alone, and not feel lonely - and actually feel lonely when you're not alone.

Your SIL has reduced it to a simple equation and, as you probably understand yourself - it's a bit more complex.

As Ali23 above points out, there are different forms of loneliness.

I guess your SIL thought he was being helpful with his advice to 'get-out-there-and-meet-people'? But it's easier said than done.

The only time I have ever felt lonely was in a room - no, a house full of people at a charity coffee morning. I wasn't part of the 'circle' and didn't know any one of those who all appeared to know each other. I wandered around with a smile on my face, coffee in hand, clearly alone - but no-one spoke to me, and I didn't want to row myself into any of the little cliques of people milling around who seemed to be earnestly in conversation with each other, so I thanked the host for the invite and left.

If only it were as easy as your SIL appears to think it is!

I hope you enjoyed the day with your family nevertheless.

It's very hard for many to just socialise these days unless they're in a friendly area with friendly groups.

Some people are shy, socially awkward or have been let down. I couldn't ask my neighbours around due to being in an unfriendly rundown area with high substance abuse and anti-social problems. My colleagues are pleasant without issues but are in work to work. Relatives never wanted me. I joined clubs or groups that didn't want friends or weren't welcoming to newcomers.

It's hard to be motivated after so many disappointments.

I think there are many forms of loneliness and not seeing anyone is just one type. If a person is able bodied and able minded and socially confident they can go out and find places where they can talk to people. But not everybody is capable. Still, sometimes it takes first hand experience to understand that and I guess your Son in law hasn’t experienced it first hand.

You can’t just ‘invite’ strangers into your house. Having said that I don’t think there’s any need to be lonely. I was once stopped by an elderly man in a supermarket, who just asked me where I was from and other useless information about myself. I guessed he was lonely and I took time to have a chat with him, but I certainly would not have invited him to my house.