Photos and videos of loved ones

I have a cassette tape on which my dear Dad is reading a test piece of text for his work, and another recording of my DD as a tiny child singing 'Morning has Broken'. I can't play either; DD is now middle aged, and Dad long gone, but perhaps for me photos are better - hearing them both from over forty years ago is too emotional.

I would give so much to have a recording of my late DH's voice and a recording of him laughing. The only very short video I have of him is from when he was very ill and struggling to walk, he didn't know I was taking it and so it's only a view of him from behind, it makes me realise how dreadfully worn down he had become and is very sad. When you are with someone 24/7 you don't realise how much they are gradually deteriorating.

I don't really like photos of me, although I don't turn away or refuse to have them taken. Just because I don't like the way I look in them, it's what I look like and it's what my kids and grands see. Too often there aren't any or few photos of the mom because that's who is usually behind the camera.

AuntieE

I may be odd, but I am devoutly thankful that I only have photos of my husband, sister, parents and other deceased loved ones.

I would hate to hear their voices, so I am glad I have no recordings or videos of them.

I feel like that too, I like looking at old photos, but we had a video camera when the children were young, and although it’s 18 years since my husband died, I can’t watch the old videos now, I find it easier living with the memories than seeing him on film.

NonGrannyMoll

I have a lot of photos of my son who died as a child. I can't look at them, even 40 years on. They just remind me that he's gone and I will never see a picture of him as a teenager or an adult. I can still hear his voice in my head, so I don't need recordings either. Horses for courses, I guess - if concrete reminders work for you, fine. But it's not a one-size-fits-all situation.

I absolutely agree NonGrannyMoll it is not a one size fits all situation.

There are few things worse than your children pre-deceasing you especially if they were still children. I don't wonder that you can't bear to look at photos of your son.

I dislike photos of me too, I'm not photogenic at all.

Coincidentally, I was just looking on genealogical sites to see if, by any remote chance, anyone had posted a wedding photograph of DH's parents' wedding but to no avail. There was no trace of photos in MIL's house or anywhere, sadly, although I do have their marriage certificate.
There are lots of other photos which I have been putting in albums (some are still in boxes) but none of the wedding.

Indigo8

ViceVersa

Georgesgran

There’ll be no photographs of me, as I hate having them taken. However, I hope my family hold me in their hearts - that’s all I ask for.

I am exactly the same. I just point blank refuse to have my photo taken.

I feel the same, up to a point. I have to keep reminding myself that the photos are for my loved ones to look at when I am gone.

I had two grandfathers and I would love to know what they looked like. They both died before I was born. I have not seen photos of either of them.

My paternal grandparents died before I was born but luckily I'd asked my aunt many years ago if she had any photos of them; she sent them to me (just a couple) and I had them copied.
Have you looked on a site such as Ancestry to see if by any chance a cousin or someone may have put a photo of them on there?

I have a couple of lovely ones of my maternal grandmother but not grandad.

Thanks Allira Good idea.

Indigo8

Thanks Allira Good idea.

I can't find these wedding photos anywhere ☹ although they were quite prolific photographers, far more so than my family.

I love having photos and videos of my children and grandchildren although I don't have many with me in. Howevever when my grandson was younger I bought him a fire engine which he was really excited about. He sat on my knee while we read the instructions and worked out all its features. My grandson rarely sits on my lap so those photos are really precious. I nearly deleted them as the angle they were taken at shows my thinning hair which I try to hide. Fortunately I didn't delete them as I realised they are a reminder of a really special moment. My granddaughter is much more happy to have cuddles so I have a few nicer ones of myself with her.

I can't imagine losing any of my young family so I don't know how I'd be affected if I had photos of them after they had gone. My mum hated having her photo taken so I have few of her, but one of the few things I kept after she died was a photo of her with my dad which she had in a frame - one of the few pictures she liked. He died quite young and the picture was taken many years ago on holiday. I still have it on display although it is faded and currently hidden by my 70th birthday cards which have been up for months!

I find it bittersweet to look at our photos of holidays and festive times.
But I love seeing the few photos we have of parents and grandparents.

Yesterday in a chat with my grandchildren they told me they
had recently seen videos of themselves with their parents Christmas, holidays etc, their mother died 7 years ago, for several years before her death they had all suffered much hurt
because of her illness. Now they can see their mother with themselves enjoying laughter, cuddles, see her wrapping her arms around them

That's lovely, Anniebscjph

Those videos are helping them to remember the loving mother she was.

Oh, so sorry. I should check. I'm a bit distracted at the moment, no excuse I know.
Anniebach

I realise everyone feels differently about this. I just posted to make some people who might want a recording or photo of their spouses not to leave it too late. As I said in my OP I have read of and met several people who would like such things but never thought about it and now regret it. I certainly wasn’t saying everyone should do it.

If photos and videos aren’t your thing that’s fine, I have a bad memory. Not Alzheimer’s or dementia but another condition which means I have difficulty recalling what others look like or remembering things that have happened. I rely on my photos of my darling husband and the videos to help me remember. Yes it hurts a lot at times but I’d rather that than forget what he looks like. Other times the photos make me smile or I have videos of us laughing together which always makes me happy.

I wasn’t so much thinking of other family members but more of husbands and wives but if others don’t need that and have their own memories that’s fine.

It’s ok Allira . Yes they can see and hear their mother when she was well and a loving mother. I couldn’t watch them , she was my daughter and I adored her , I have many photographs of her from birth until shortly before she died

My husband died 4 years ago. I have his laptop, which I know will contain photos and video clips from when we were younger and our children were small. I haven’t been able to look at those yet, but I guess I should do it soon. At the other end of the scale, I have a huge box of black and white photos of long gone family, at weddings, Summer hols, etc. Everyone in those pics is now dead, my children never met any of them, so they have no interest. What to do with these items? I know if I die, the photos will be binned, so should I just bin them now?

During the first Covid lockdown, I decided to have a grand sorting out session in the large store room/junk area in my home.
Two days in I found a box of old cassette tapes which were unmarked. I was about to throw them out when something stopped me. I rooted out an old cassette player and went through the tapes.
After listening to a couple of uninteresting ones, I almost gave up, then I had a real surprise.
The third tape was an hour long interview recorded by my then 16 year old daughter, of my terminally ill mum who died 20 years earlier. Mum died a week later and the tape had been put away, and forgotten. Non of us had the heart to listen to it.
It was magical.
Lots of laughter as various family members joined in. For me, it was wonderful to hear the voices of mum, her sister and my brother, all of whom had died by 2020.
My husband is on there too. He died in 2022.

Everyone is different, but I treasure that tape.

I don't have much voice or writing of my late husband but I do have video from old fashioned silent movie films and photographs.

My husband died 47 Years ago, I have no memory of his voice
and very little memory of him, we were only married eight
years

My husband was on the local news and I recorded it on my phone and he was in a ukulele band so I have him playing and singing in a video. It brings me to tears when I watch them but it easy to forget their voice once they have gone.

Dempie you never know when those old photos of people your children never met will be needed. One of my nephews decided a couple of years ago that he would explore our family history. Photos that I never thought I would never need to unearth, and a stash that his mother held, were invaluable. It’s always useful to write on the back who is on them, or where they are, if you know.
I’m sorry for your loss.

I don’t need videos I have few photos I have both my parents forever in my heart, I don’t need to hear their voices, although if I’m going to make a decision I can almost hear what my dad would say!