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Driving dilemma

(112 Posts)
Aveline Sat 01-Feb-25 12:33:18

My neighbour is very dear to me. She is 90+ and we were all very glad to hear that she planned to give up her car after Christmas. She's collapsed in the street before and her parking is very haphazard. However, last night she announced that she's renewed her licence for another 3 years and is keeping the car. We were all pretty horrified. Unfortunately she became very angry and defiant at us and said we were just like her son's who want her to give up her license. Her 'friends' allegedly say she's a good driver and should keep going. I'd thought we were her friends too.
We couldn't get her to understand that anything could happen. A year ago a 90+ year old lady went up on the pavement and killed a toddler in his pushchair. Too dreadful to contemplate.
I know there's nothing you can suggest that we haven't already but I just needed to let off steam.

winterwhite Sun 02-Feb-25 16:33:41

I agree with Baggs and Eloethan. To suggest that the woman has dementia because she got angry when confronted by a group of neighbours disagreeing with her is very ageist! And there is something vigilantist about people reporting their neighbours to the dvla.
I think the concerned neighbours should make every effort to waylay the woman’s sons and put the matter in their hands asap.

MissAdventure Sun 02-Feb-25 13:05:41

I don't think that being "old" is necessarily a reason to stop driving.
Each case is invidual, but I suppose it relies on the person to report any issues, themself.

HelterSkelter1 Sun 02-Feb-25 12:09:34

If you ban older drivers from night driving, that means after 4.00 pm in the winter. And how old is an "older driver".
It is a problem that needs careful thought and discussion. There's no easy answer to suit everyone.
I suppose moving in from very rural areas with no regular public transport is one aspect of "future proofing".
But I do feel for the OPs position.

MissAdventure Sun 02-Feb-25 11:31:17

I know someone who was driving a new works vehicle; maybe a six seater?
The company got new people carriers, and it was expected that the drivers would and should be able to get in them and drive, immediately.

This person mounted the pavement at a supermarket, hit and dragged someone along under the vehicle, and killed them.

It was terrible for the driver, the persons family and local press were baying for blood...

Allira Sun 02-Feb-25 11:23:33

A year ago a 90+ year old lady went up on the pavement and killed a toddler in his pushchair. Too dreadful to contemplate.

On the news here the other day: an 18 year old was sent to a Young Offenders Institute after losing control of his car and hitting a young boy at a bus stop, leaving him with severe life-changing injuries. The 18 year old, of no fixed address, had just bought a BMW, had no driving licence and he and his pregnant wife fled the scene leaving passersby to lift the car.

This criminal got just over 2 years in a YOI and is banned from driving for 4 years.
A travesty of justice.

Baggs Sun 02-Feb-25 11:12:45

Add the term "percentage-wise" between accidents and than

Baggs Sun 02-Feb-25 11:08:13

Eloethan

I can see both sides of this but my feeling is that if this lady has not shown that she is unsafe on the road, eg by having several minor accidents, then I don't think it is anybody's business to tell her not to drive.

There are some horrific accidents where several people have been killed, often involving younger people who have taken silly risks to show off to their friends. I think it would unreasonable to say young people shouldn't drive, but perhaps certain safeguards should be brought in, eg not carrying passengers until a certain period has elapsed, or having a monitoring device fitted to the car. In fact, perhaps this would be a good thing for all drivers.

In the same way, perhaps certain safeguards could be introduced for older drivers, eg not driving at night (it is a fact that night vision declines in old age).

There are good drivers - who try to remember to drive in accordance with the legal requirements - and there are some bad drivers, who throw the rule book out of the window once they have passed the test. Perhaps it would be wise for people to be tested, say, every 10 years to ensure that they are safe to continue. No doubt many drivers - good and bad - would think that outrageous but I think anything else would smack of ageism.

Good post. The problem of ageism is the first thing that crossed my mind when I read the OP. Young drivers are involved in far more accidents than old ones because they take more risks.

And then there is medical privacy. Perhaps DVLA needs to check its parameters are actually good and then keep applying them.

crazyH Sun 02-Feb-25 10:59:36

Btw my parking abilities are second to none -just saying 😂 -ask my friends

MissAdventure Sun 02-Feb-25 10:51:24

That doesn't give people who are unsafe carte blanche to put others at risk, though.

Grantanow Sun 02-Feb-25 10:34:43

Susie42

I think a lot of elderly drivers carry on because their local public transport is poor or even non-existent.

I agree. The Tories slashed bus services.

cornergran Sun 02-Feb-25 00:51:15

Fainting isn't necessarily a trigger for a driving ban. A friend has fainted at home for years. Initially her GP and consultant were happy for her to continue to drive. A different GP sought advice from the DVLA, after their investigation which included medical reports our friend was told she can continue, there are no restrictions on her licence, she’s very happy to be able to continue to drive locally while using public transport for distances.

SusieB50 Sun 02-Feb-25 00:34:35

AGAA4

Some people have lived in rural areas most or all of their lives SusieB.
I moved to a rural area in my 30s and certainly wasn't thinking about my driving abilities at 80+

That’s very true “AGAA4” apologies. It’s the lack of good public transport that makes it so difficult.

Allira Sat 01-Feb-25 22:19:25

BlueBelle

I believe there should be a cut off age just like there’s a starting age and 80 would be my cut off age.
No one wants to stop anything but we need to be realistic our reactions, our strength, our eyes, and ears are not so good as we get older and that needs to be acknowledged traffic gets heavier and more congested If there is a cut off date no one could cheat like the lady I know in her 70 s who didn’t declare the strokes she’d had or the weakness in one arm.
A lady I know is nearly 80 and still working as a driving instructor !!!
I gave up riding my cycle a year ago simply because with all the pot holes etc I knew if I fell it would probably be a broken hip at the age I am I didn’t want to …but it was the sensible thing to do for me

Well, I have to disagree.

I'd rather be in a car with DH driving than many younger drivers I know.

There do need to be more stringent regulations than just a form declaring you think you are fit to drive but age is not the prime factor.

Madmeg Sat 01-Feb-25 21:41:24

I am somewhat on the fence in this. As has been said, some drivers are "dangerous" at any age, others only when older. Lots of things go slower when we get older but it doesn't necessarily make us unsafe. My DH has never been a fast driver (never been fast at anything at all in our 53 years together), but also never had an accident of any kind. He has even always taken ages to cross the road at a pelican crossing. Yet two years ago we were driving along a dual carriageway at the permitted speed when a car zoomed suddenly from the opposite carriageway, straight across our path and DH's reaction was instantaneous. Had it not been, a major accident would have occurred.

I have always been a "faster" driver (once did a ton on the M1 - there was no other traffic - just to see what it felt like!) and regularly used to drive 90 miles a day to and from work on country roads, and being younger than DH I believe I am still a good driver. DH's capability to drive does not worry me at all, it just irritates me a little when he seems to take longer to pull out of junctions etc than I would.

Not really relevant to the safe-driving decision, but we live almost a mile up a steep hill to the nearest bus stop (one bus per hour if you are lucky) so we'd have to move or rely on taxis (none in our area unless booked ages in advance and we've never seen an Uber), so I'm hoping one or both of us can continue driving for a while longer.

62Granny Sat 01-Feb-25 21:33:08

Any one can contact the DVLA about concerns they may have with someone ability , if you are really concerned for her and other people's safety it might be the way forward. Don't forget once someone is hurt or killed it is too late.

crazyH Sat 01-Feb-25 21:24:23

I have given up night driving. But I still drive during the day……

MissAdventure Sat 01-Feb-25 21:23:54

I wouldn't report someone for being elderly, but I wouldn't hesitate to if they were a danger.
Even parking, if you can't do it properly with some semblance of awareness can be dangerous.

keepingquiet Sat 01-Feb-25 21:20:11

Crossstitchfan

I think a good and experienced driver will know when it’s time. I would hate to be made to give up at 80 when I know (see my previous post) that I am still a good and safe driver.

This is just common sense- the ability to drive safely should not be dictated by age, which is an aribitary assessment.

All drivers are dangerous in the wrong conditions, regardless of age.

I think the OP's neighbour seems to lack common sense, but that is not dictated by age either.

GrannySomerset Sat 01-Feb-25 21:19:39

DH has always been an excellent driver and as one of Her Majesty’s Inspectors of schools drove many miles each year. As his Parkinson’s progressed his driving deteriorated but he wouldn’t listen to me or his children so I spoke to his consultant and at our next visit she gave his a couple of spatial awareness tests and told him he could drive home but that was it. He hated sending back his licence but we encouraged him to think that nearly sixty years of accident free driving was something to be proud of. I only drive locally and can foresee that even that may become more than I should do. I know my children will have no problem telling me.

Aldom Sat 01-Feb-25 21:03:11

I feel it is imperative for the OP
to act to prevent this lady from driving as the lady has at some time collapsed in the street.
A few years ago one of my friends, who was in her 80's, but apparently in good health, was driving locally. Unfortunately whilst driving my friend was taken ill and passed out.
The car mounted the pavement, hit a sixteen year old girl, inflicting injuries which resulted in the loss of one of her legs.
My friend made a good recovery from her cerebral event, but she will never recover from what her car did to that young girl.
The lady who is being discussed on the forum was lucky her collapse occurred when she was not driving.
What if it happens again, but this time when driving.

Crossstitchfan Sat 01-Feb-25 20:43:58

I think a good and experienced driver will know when it’s time. I would hate to be made to give up at 80 when I know (see my previous post) that I am still a good and safe driver.

BlueBelle Sat 01-Feb-25 20:40:57

80 should be the cut off date whether you are fit or not then no one would need to argue with relatives or feel they weren’t adequate it would be a done deed just the same as the start you can’t drive at 16
Most of my driving friends have given up at 75 or around there but I have 4 or 5 still driving at 80 one has such a dodgy hip I wonder how she manages pedals

Crossstitchfan Sat 01-Feb-25 20:40:26

keepingquiet

I wonder if all the posters on here would like to suggest the age at which they plan to give up driving?

I am coming up for 80. I passed my test in 1962 at the age of 17 and 3 months (my first driving lesson was on my 17th birthday!)
So far, touch wood, I have had no accidents, even though. Until recently I was driving regularly to work in a town 15 miles away, and also to visit a friend 130 miles away. I drive at the speed limit, or as dictated by the conditions. I do not potter along at 30 on the motorway! I love driving, always have. I asked my adult grandson to come out wit( me and give me an honest opinion on whether or not I should be driving and he said I am still a good driver. I am pretty sure I will know when I should give up, but I have plenty of family to tell me if I get it wrong.

pably15 Sat 01-Feb-25 20:28:39

I will be 80 in a couple of weeks, I gave up driving over a year ago, because I just didn't want to drive anymore, I felt that I was slowing down .I do miss my car because my knees are bad, and I find walking painful, I'm not sorry that I stopped driving, I get my shopping delivered and the bus stop is not too far if I do need to travel,,,,and I saved some money on car tax,petrol etc,,

Overthemoongran Sat 01-Feb-25 20:25:24

My father wouldn’t listen to family, but as his GP was ‘God’ when the GP suggested he needed a driving assessment he obeyed instantly. He was convinced he would pass with flying colours and was flabbergasted when the assessor told him to stop and refused to let him drive any further. He took his licence away there and then. We all knew he was a danger to himself and others but he just wouldn’t believe us.