Driving dilemma

If she has declared any medical issues that she's supposed to declare and has good enough eyesight why is it anyone else's business?

Anything can happen to anyone regardless of age.

A very elderly driver reversed into the side of my brand new car. Months of inconvenience and expense for me. I wasn't hurt. Main point - he just didn't hear me tooting!
There's more to driving than eyesight, heating and reflexes also matter. I doubt she's reported her heating loss and fainting history. Not anyone's business until there's a tragedy.

Cars are dangerous vehicles regardless of who is driving them. None of us should take driving for granted.

Unfortunately we are very good at seeing ourselves as the 'good' drivers and everyone else as the bad ones.

No one ever plans to have an accident.

Let her be and be careful yourself.

Thanks for the extra detail, Aveline. She has done wrong if she didn't report a fainting history though, to be fair, I've got a fainting history too. I've never fainted without good reason though, so I suppose you're talking about out of the blue fainting or fainting caused by some health issue that she should declare.

Re hearing loss... the number of drivers who drive around with their stereo system/spotifies blasting away at full volume, I begin to wonder if hearing loss is a real driving issue.

I do understand your point about not wanting your friend to cause an accident. If you've done what you think needed to be done, you've done what you can. Steam away! 😤

Hmm, you could report your concerns to the dvla.
You might save someone's life.

If other people are concerned then this lady is being irresponsible to carry on driving. If she loses consciousness while driving she could do some serious damage to others.

I live in a popular retirement town with a high number of elderly drivers. The biggest problem seems to be that they become over-nervous - things like stopping on a main road or roundabout if they see another car approaching from the left - just in case it doesn’t stop.

Parking is laughable😂

On the whole it doesnt cause much problem because we are all used to it and they are usually going very slowly so the cars behind them are going slowly too and can stop in time. And there is plenty of parking so it doesn’t really matter if they jut out or need two spaces.

Does your friend just potter a familiar way to the shop and back? Anything more, especially unfamiliar routes where you have to react to signs and traffic and would sorry me to death and ai think I’d have to say, “You’re not safe.”

Does the DVLA or Police pay any attention to reporting?

Worry not sorry

I doubt that it was wise when restrictions on renewing driving licences were changed.

I know, we all do, that we are living longer than our grandparents did, or even our parents. Unfortunately, this does not mean we are all going to be able to continue driving, standing on ladders to clean our own gutters etc. for the rest of the our lives.

If I fall off a ladder on my own property that is no-one's business but mine. If, however, I cause an accident by driving, riding a bike or crossing the street irresponsibly, then others are likely to be involved.

Love of self is a human trait, and this being so, I doubt if we all are or will be capable of realising it when the time comes to stop driving etc. either because our sight, our hearing, or our reactions are not what they need to be.

My husband and I were forced to broach the subject of giving up driving both with my mother and later with my father. It was not an easy task, as anyone will know who has done it, but it HAD to be done, as neither of them realised they were no longer safe drivers.

It is simply not good enough to rely on anyone, irrespective of age, admitting that they ought not to drive - a proper thourough medical followed by a driving test is needed.

This will cost money - very well, but it cannot cost the same as a human life being brought to an untimely end.

I think a lot of elderly drivers carry on because their local public transport is poor or even non-existent.

I believe there should be a cut off age just like there’s a starting age and 80 would be my cut off age.
No one wants to stop anything but we need to be realistic our reactions, our strength, our eyes, and ears are not so good as we get older and that needs to be acknowledged traffic gets heavier and more congested If there is a cut off date no one could cheat like the lady I know in her 70 s who didn’t declare the strokes she’d had or the weakness in one arm.
A lady I know is nearly 80 and still working as a driving instructor !!!
I gave up riding my cycle a year ago simply because with all the pot holes etc I knew if I fell it would probably be a broken hip at the age I am I didn’t want to …but it was the sensible thing to do for me

My neighbour is well off and can easily afford taxis as required. Actually I was quite taken back at her aggressive response. It was quite out of character. Maybe she was already fed up at her sons' going on at her? I don't know. I suspect it's a matter of pride for her.
Can only hope all goes well or she decides to give up driving very soon.

Imaginary friends? Aggression? Illogical decision making? Ignoring advice from friends and family? All indicators of dementia.

I am 81. I only drive locally in the suburbs of London, but I have decided to give up driving. I am packing up a load of goods for the charity shop and then goodbye car.

I have a fabulous bus service, but the bus stop is just over 1/4 mile away. That will be my problem, but it has to be done.

I would prefer to make the decision rather than have it made for me. Being Scottish, I do not like forking out money for taxis, but it will have to be done.

In the case of my husbands aunt we had a quiet word with her GP.She was an absolute liability in the end.Demolished a wall reversing ,mounted a pavement outside her church and nearly knocked someone down and because she had just bought a new car declared she wouldn't be giving up anytime soon.
She did have swollen legs and was on diuretic tablets.The GP saw her and said in view of the medication she was on and lack of mobility in her feet due to oedema she shouldn't drive.She took it very well from her.Never knew DH was the instigator.Sold her car and within weeks declared her local taxi firm to be just fine and ultimately cheaper than the costs of running a car the amount she went out.Obviously you may not be able to do that but really she should reported.Good luck .I hope I know when it's time to give up !

Most 90 year olds will have failing hearing and failing sight and their reflexes and response times will be lower than most drivers.

Personally, if I live to be 80 I will stop driving then, frankly it’s totally irresponsible and I’d hate to injure myself, or much worse, someone else.

Bluebelle I agree with a cut off age for driving. I will be 78 soon and because of where I live I need a car to get anywhere.
I am now thinking of moving somewhere with a regular bus service as we are very rural here.
I don't like driving as people seem to drive aggressively these days and I've had some hair-raising moments on the motorways. I know my reactions aren't quite as fast as when I was younger and because of other people's driving you need your wits about you.

I would have thought that her fainting episodes that caused her to collapse in the street would have been reason enough for her to be made to give up driving - after all even young people are not allowed to drive for a year after an epileptic seizure and l would have thought that this was similar. It sounds as if your friend is not a safe driver now and it is her family who will have to be prepared to be the “bad guys” in making sure that she does not get behind the wheel of the car again, even if it means physically taking the keys away. She is an accident waiting to happen and the thought of another child possibly being killed because of an elderly, unsafe driver is unbearable.

I wonder if all the posters on here would like to suggest the age at which they plan to give up driving?

Perhaps we need someone to design cars specifically for people of different ages. I live near a motorway and recently, there have been several fatal accidents involving young people who have just passed their test.
If there were cars which had a maximum speed which people of a certain age and those who are new drivers had to drive, it might reduce accidents.

How about a short driving test every time you renew your licence after 80? It could be slightly offset against the increase in insurance if the insurance companies joined in.

Then at 90 a much longer test together with a medical/sight/hearing test.

I think in the case of OP's friend I would want to talk to the son. The aggression etc is a bit of a red flag for dementia as said above. Quite upsetting for you I expect as you have her best interests at heart.

I wish cars were made that can't go over the maximum speed limit. Police have caught someone doing 164 mph on the motorway. It's ridiculous for any car to be able to do those speeds.

We plan to talk to her sons as soon as possible. We'd need to catch them as they arrive to visit as we don't have their contact info and she's unlikely to share it with us.
I agree with OldFrill btw. She's not herself.

I have never driven but I’ve been in cars as a passenger at times with friends and really feel quite anxious , one went through a red light and another couldn’t remember how to get to a local shopping centre! It was very difficult when my late DH was taking quite hefty amounts of pain medication and I had to break it to him that he should not drive. He loved driving and his independence. Fortunately our dear friend offered to take him out whenever he wanted to. In fact he didn’t actually go but he knew that the offer was there.
My brother lives in a small market town and also doesn’t drive. He says on market day the town is full of very frail drivers from outlying villages clutching the steering wheel with a look of panic on their faces . The public transport is so bad that the elderly continue to drive into town way past their “sell by date” as they have no other way. Sadly people don’t think of future problems when they move out into the country when they retire . I’m staying put with my good transport and local facilities.