Driving dilemma

Susie42

I think a lot of elderly drivers carry on because their local public transport is poor or even non-existent.

Maybe so but that’s what taxis are for. Probably works out cheaper than the cost of running a car too and selling the car would also pay for an awful lot of taxi rides!

I'm 77 and I gave up my car last year and didn't renew my licence. I've moved to a more urban area with a decent bus service and hispeed trains. It's been hard giving up my 'freedom ' to travel on a whim, but I knew my reactions were slower and there was no way I could drive at night. I didn't wait for others to tell me not to drive or worse cause an accident. The money saved by not running a car more than covers the cost of taxis when needed (although I still think of them as an extravagance!)

@Eloethan no one is saying that there are not bad drivers of any age. This is not a thread saying that all elderly ŕrŕdrivers are a liability - indeed, my mother, who is in her eighties is still a very good driver, although these days restricts herself to local journeys and does not drive at night. However, it has to be faced that we are an aging population and the number of older drivers has increased exponentially in the last thirty years or so. As we get older, a large number of ailments creep in and generally worsen over time. As well as the deterioration of hearing and eyesight (cataracts is a common problem), there may be a decline in cognitive abilities and, very importantly, a decline in physical strength to the point where a person may no longer be strong enough to handle a car safely. It is in these cases that, very sadly, important decisions have to be made about the safety of the driver and, crucially, everyone else who might come into contact with them. This thread is for advice about one very elderly lady who, for a number of reasons, should no longer be driving.

I'm going to remember this when my time comes to surrender the car keys. I only drive locally these days but if any family members raised the suggestion, I'll give up. My late mother's GP confiscated her car keys. She gracefully acquiesced.
Other neighbours have given up their car and the wife actually said that it was a relief.

This lady's parking is extremely haphazard. It sometimes looks like the car has been dumped after a high speed chase! ie at very odd angles slewed across two spaces.

My son's partner would admit herself that her parking is "very haphazard". Should that preclude her from driving?

Well ' said' Philomena .

I believe you can contact the DVLA anonymously to raise your safety concerns about an elderly driver. In your situation, I'd be doing that without any delay.

If she is not herself it is time to take Action! Not recognizing her own shortcomings
may well be a sign of dementia. She is over 90 - time to stop driving !!
I have decided to stop when I am 80.

I can see both sides of this but my feeling is that if this lady has not shown that she is unsafe on the road, eg by having several minor accidents, then I don't think it is anybody's business to tell her not to drive.

There are some horrific accidents where several people have been killed, often involving younger people who have taken silly risks to show off to their friends. I think it would unreasonable to say young people shouldn't drive, but perhaps certain safeguards should be brought in, eg not carrying passengers until a certain period has elapsed, or having a monitoring device fitted to the car. In fact, perhaps this would be a good thing for all drivers.

In the same way, perhaps certain safeguards could be introduced for older drivers, eg not driving at night (it is a fact that night vision declines in old age).

There are good drivers - who try to remember to drive in accordance with the legal requirements - and there are some bad drivers, who throw the rule book out of the window once they have passed the test. Perhaps it would be wise for people to be tested, say, every 10 years to ensure that they are safe to continue. No doubt many drivers - good and bad - would think that outrageous but I think anything else would smack of ageism.

Some people have lived in rural areas most or all of their lives SusieB.
I moved to a rural area in my 30s and certainly wasn't thinking about my driving abilities at 80+

I have never driven but I’ve been in cars as a passenger at times with friends and really feel quite anxious , one went through a red light and another couldn’t remember how to get to a local shopping centre! It was very difficult when my late DH was taking quite hefty amounts of pain medication and I had to break it to him that he should not drive. He loved driving and his independence. Fortunately our dear friend offered to take him out whenever he wanted to. In fact he didn’t actually go but he knew that the offer was there.
My brother lives in a small market town and also doesn’t drive. He says on market day the town is full of very frail drivers from outlying villages clutching the steering wheel with a look of panic on their faces . The public transport is so bad that the elderly continue to drive into town way past their “sell by date” as they have no other way. Sadly people don’t think of future problems when they move out into the country when they retire . I’m staying put with my good transport and local facilities.

We plan to talk to her sons as soon as possible. We'd need to catch them as they arrive to visit as we don't have their contact info and she's unlikely to share it with us.
I agree with OldFrill btw. She's not herself.

I wish cars were made that can't go over the maximum speed limit. Police have caught someone doing 164 mph on the motorway. It's ridiculous for any car to be able to do those speeds.

How about a short driving test every time you renew your licence after 80? It could be slightly offset against the increase in insurance if the insurance companies joined in.

Then at 90 a much longer test together with a medical/sight/hearing test.

I think in the case of OP's friend I would want to talk to the son. The aggression etc is a bit of a red flag for dementia as said above. Quite upsetting for you I expect as you have her best interests at heart.

Perhaps we need someone to design cars specifically for people of different ages. I live near a motorway and recently, there have been several fatal accidents involving young people who have just passed their test.
If there were cars which had a maximum speed which people of a certain age and those who are new drivers had to drive, it might reduce accidents.

I wonder if all the posters on here would like to suggest the age at which they plan to give up driving?

I would have thought that her fainting episodes that caused her to collapse in the street would have been reason enough for her to be made to give up driving - after all even young people are not allowed to drive for a year after an epileptic seizure and l would have thought that this was similar. It sounds as if your friend is not a safe driver now and it is her family who will have to be prepared to be the “bad guys” in making sure that she does not get behind the wheel of the car again, even if it means physically taking the keys away. She is an accident waiting to happen and the thought of another child possibly being killed because of an elderly, unsafe driver is unbearable.

Bluebelle I agree with a cut off age for driving. I will be 78 soon and because of where I live I need a car to get anywhere.
I am now thinking of moving somewhere with a regular bus service as we are very rural here.
I don't like driving as people seem to drive aggressively these days and I've had some hair-raising moments on the motorways. I know my reactions aren't quite as fast as when I was younger and because of other people's driving you need your wits about you.

Most 90 year olds will have failing hearing and failing sight and their reflexes and response times will be lower than most drivers.

Personally, if I live to be 80 I will stop driving then, frankly it’s totally irresponsible and I’d hate to injure myself, or much worse, someone else.

In the case of my husbands aunt we had a quiet word with her GP.She was an absolute liability in the end.Demolished a wall reversing ,mounted a pavement outside her church and nearly knocked someone down and because she had just bought a new car declared she wouldn't be giving up anytime soon.
She did have swollen legs and was on diuretic tablets.The GP saw her and said in view of the medication she was on and lack of mobility in her feet due to oedema she shouldn't drive.She took it very well from her.Never knew DH was the instigator.Sold her car and within weeks declared her local taxi firm to be just fine and ultimately cheaper than the costs of running a car the amount she went out.Obviously you may not be able to do that but really she should reported.Good luck .I hope I know when it's time to give up !

I am 81. I only drive locally in the suburbs of London, but I have decided to give up driving. I am packing up a load of goods for the charity shop and then goodbye car.

I have a fabulous bus service, but the bus stop is just over 1/4 mile away. That will be my problem, but it has to be done.

I would prefer to make the decision rather than have it made for me. Being Scottish, I do not like forking out money for taxis, but it will have to be done.

Imaginary friends? Aggression? Illogical decision making? Ignoring advice from friends and family? All indicators of dementia.

My neighbour is well off and can easily afford taxis as required. Actually I was quite taken back at her aggressive response. It was quite out of character. Maybe she was already fed up at her sons' going on at her? I don't know. I suspect it's a matter of pride for her.
Can only hope all goes well or she decides to give up driving very soon.

I believe there should be a cut off age just like there’s a starting age and 80 would be my cut off age.
No one wants to stop anything but we need to be realistic our reactions, our strength, our eyes, and ears are not so good as we get older and that needs to be acknowledged traffic gets heavier and more congested If there is a cut off date no one could cheat like the lady I know in her 70 s who didn’t declare the strokes she’d had or the weakness in one arm.
A lady I know is nearly 80 and still working as a driving instructor !!!
I gave up riding my cycle a year ago simply because with all the pot holes etc I knew if I fell it would probably be a broken hip at the age I am I didn’t want to …but it was the sensible thing to do for me