If you have not made a will or PoA

That was hard for you GrannySomerset.

Claremont, telling people what you want isn’t enough. Human nature is such that, faced with a parent suddenly suffering a catastrophic medical incident, people want to try to hold on to them somehow. What the parent has said they would want goes out of the window along with rational thought because people are in shock. That’s why it’s important to put these things on a proper legal footing, so that there can be no doubt as regards your wishes and loved ones are relieved of decisions.

Claremont

Our wills are clear however. And ACs are fully aware of our attitude to organ donation, and our attitude to being kept alive for a long period of time without consciousness or DNR in case of severe brain damage, etc. I trust them entirely.

But thanks, will discuss and arrange together.

Your adult children understanding your wishes is all well and good but without POA they will be powerless to ensure your wishes are carried out. It could prove extremely frustrating for them if you don't give them the means to do as you would wish.

I was orphaned in my teens with no provision made for me so we have always had wills in place, guardianship arrangements for the children when under 18, and powers of attorney. Without PoA it is much harder to make decisions for someone else. Since when DH’s Parkinson’s became more and more serious I could agree his treatment, manage his finances and ensure his proper care. I cannot understand why people find it so hard.

Our wills are clear however. And ACs are fully aware of our attitude to organ donation, and our attitude to being kept alive for a long period of time without consciousness or DNR in case of severe brain damage, etc. I trust them entirely.

But thanks, will discuss and arrange together.

Thank you Marydoll - I will look into it. Yes, we could have an accident affecting us both at the same time.

Spot on, Marydoll. I have always believed in planning for the worst case scenario. Unfortunately Claremont and her other half haven’t planned at all.

You are totally missing the point Claremount.

It is belt and braces approach, to ensure our children do not have added stress. Situations change, as do relationships.

We too have discussed with our children, but POAs give authority to our children to make decisions about our care, on our behalf, if we are unable to do so.
Ours are registered on our health record. A clinician is not going to just take your children's word that they have permission to make decisions about your care.

But we have discussed it, and with our children- and we know very well what we would decide for each other, and our GP is aware.

Exactly. If one spouse were to suffer a catastrophic brain injury such as to deprive them of mental capacity, the other spouse could as next of kin make health decisions but not access the other’s money. If both suffered such an injury at the same time, for instance in a car accident, children would be next of kin but may not know their parents’ wishes as regards treatment (or otherwise) and could not access the parents’ money, which could place an impossible financial burden on them as regards paying for medical expenses, household bills and the like.

Claremont

I just cannot understand how anyone over 50 does not have a will securely in place.

We are still together (55 years), so not POA at the moment- but when there will be one of us left, we shall do asap.

Absolutely nothing to do with how long you have been together.

It is about putting measures in place, for when either one of you becomes incapacitated, not having the cognitive ability to make decisions about medical care or dies!
A bit late when a partner dies!

What does still being together after 55 years have to do with making a PoA?

I just cannot understand how anyone over 50 does not have a will securely in place.

We are still together (55 years), so not POA at the moment- but when there will be one of us left, we shall do asap.

We updated our Wills recently and added POA. We did them through a solicitor. It takes a weight off your mind. All our AC also have Wills in place. It's essential to save problems when you die. I am pretty sure one half of a marriage can make a Will and POA even if the other doesn't want to. Someone with more legal knowledge can probably confirm/deny that.

Good. It’s a real kindness to those you love. It’s awful to have to deal with an intestacy when you’re grieving, or to have to apply to the Court of Protection if someone hasn’t made a PoA (and expensive). Not what we would wish on loved ones, especially if they are very young.

I will be as quick as I can.
Thank you.
Will, funeral, all of the essentials need sorting.

Aldom

MissA as Mokryna mentioned, the solicitor will be very helpful in suggesting ideas regarding your wishes.
Before I made my most recent will I spent many, many stressful hours thinking about it.
My solicitor knew exactly what was the best way to proceed.
He lifted the weight from my shoulders.
How I wished I had not allowed indecision to worry me and delay the writing of the will.

Spot on.

Do proceed quickly, everyone needs a will, imo.

Baby steps... thank you.

MissAdventure well done.

Aldom

MissA as Mokryna mentioned, the solicitor will be very helpful in suggesting ideas regarding your wishes.
Before I made my most recent will I spent many, many stressful hours thinking about it.
My solicitor knew exactly what was the best way to proceed.
He lifted the weight from my shoulders.
How I wished I had not allowed indecision to worry me and delay the writing of the will.

Yes, I actually started a thread (or took over someone else's!) and was told that for what s solicitor costs, it's worth using one as they will help with any issues that might arise, and think of more.

I’ve had a will since I had my first child.

When I married and had more children both my DH and I made new wills.

We also made provision for our children’s care should anything happen to both of us before they hit 18 (which thankfully it didn’t)

Both of us had LPOA for our mothers, we’ve not done ours as yet.

Our will was made 40 years ago and is completely out of date. I have been nagging dh for several years that we need to update. His response is that it’s complicated as we want to set up several trusts. My response is FGS we need to do it.

MissA as Mokryna mentioned, the solicitor will be very helpful in suggesting ideas regarding your wishes.
Before I made my most recent will I spent many, many stressful hours thinking about it.
My solicitor knew exactly what was the best way to proceed.
He lifted the weight from my shoulders.
How I wished I had not allowed indecision to worry me and delay the writing of the will.

My husband and I are mid-60s. I had a stroke a few years ago (but made a marvellous recovery). He flatly refuses to even think about making wills or sorting things out.

MissAdventure

Thats the point, really.
He's not really a child but not a grown up either.

I also have his brother to consider.i know I need to face it head on, though.

I didn’t inform my DDs what I had written in my will. My solicitor helped me with ideas and it cost about £150.

Yes, please do. I hope you will be around for many years to come but none of us knows what tomorrow might bring.