If you have not made a will or PoA

My father refused to even discuss this. He was convinced that he'd live forever, along with my mum. No amount of pointing out that we all eventually die worked on him.

We had such a trauma when he died. Mum had dementia so was unable to appoint PoA.

We ended up getting a Court Of Protection. We were unable to sort anything out with regard to their empty property or finance.

A solicitor will fill this massive form in for a price. About £800. We decided to try to do it ourselves, almost gave me a heart attack.

So it was eventually sorted but we were dealing with so much.

I feel for your friend's daughter. It's a huge problem not to have this so carry on with your persevering!

Wills and POA are very necessary. My husband has Alzheimer's disease and POA in this situation is very necessary.

My elderly neighbour who has dementia broke both her arms last week, she was taken to hospital, treated and then her daughter was told to take her home.

Before the accident neighbours and family were managing her care as she was deemed safe to be in her own home.

There was no POA in place so homes would not take her immediately , as she was not admitted to hospital it was not their responsibility either. Emergency carers were found via an agency for the first couple of nights but was very difficult and without equipment, wheelchair commode etc was deemed unsafe by the agency.

She is now safely in a home but the process was very difficult, time consuming and stressful. With POA she could have gone straight into a nursing home hospital.

A lot of people consider they are ‘tempting fate’ by making a will or setting up a PoA. There’s no logic to it but that’s their mindset. Then they die or become mentally incapable and there’s a real mess to clear up. But their ears are closed and they won’t listen to reason. It will never happen to them of course.

We finally got round to doing our Wills last year. I have completed the POA forms for my husband (who had a stroke) and they should come back in a few weeks.

Lots of places won’t speak to you if you are not the policy holder (insurances) or phone contracts or banks/buildings societies. We therefore thought we had better do it.

Did mine ages ago: sensible move, and a kindness to those left behind.

I've not made a will yet, because I've a child, and nobody to take him, up until now.

I'm hanging on until he's grown up enough to fend for himself, then I'll tailor the will around him.

Perhaps they don't trust anyone enough to have PoA, they aren't likely to admit it.

My son and daughter have fallen out big time, so I don’t know how anything will be agreed if/ when anything happens to me.

We made our first will when our first child was born.
Over the years new wills have been made, due to bereavements.
When my (late) husband was diagnosed with young onset dementia we set up POA x 2 for each other.
A couple of years ago I made a new POA x2. My son in law did it for me. It took about an hour online, plus time involved for various people to sign.

You should consider making a will now MissAdventure. You can tailor it to make provisions for the child’s care now and going forwards and for the age at which they might receive anything you wish to leave to them. We just never know if we will still be here tomorrow, or be robbed of our mental capacity and therefore the ability to make a will.

Misadventure. Even if you can't identify anyone to be guardian for your son please make will.If you were to die intestate you still make things so much harder.Plus if you have no relatives or friends to stop in the state gets involved in your childs care. My DH prepared wills,powers of attorney and trusts etc.The complicated situations caused by intestacy can't be overstated.

Yes, I can do it now, as he's 17, but before then who would have taken him in?
There isn't anyone.
I will need to make some sort of definite arrangement now.

Mum didn't appoint poa to either of her children and is now considered incapable of doing so. I've had to put the guardianship process in place (Scotland). It's almost a year on and we're still in the queue. Mum is still in hospital bed blocking

We did our first will went we got married then changed it each time we had the children . Then changed it again after my husband died . Then made the final change in 2020 and took out both powers of attorney at the same time as it was cheaper to do all at the same time . My will won't change again as I covered all bases . And my attorney's will stay the same 2 people .

It's very important to have a will and as we get older both powers of attorney's . Did mine all through a solicitor that way I made sure it was done as I wanted and covered all bases so it can't be contested .

Did you know anyone can contest your will up to 2 years after you die if they think they can claim any of your estate. I didn't until my solicitor told in 2020 that's why I had do added things to safe guard it against being contested .

How much do the changes to a will cost?
I'll have nothing left to leave if they're expensive!

MissA there are certain charities who will write a simple will for a donation. Perhaps contact Citizens Advice (or whatever it's title is nowadays). They can guide you in the right direction.

Sometimes you have to be a bit canny to get where you want to. So my suggestion is for the daughter to say little about wills for a couple of weeks and then she could casually drop into the conversation that X will be glad to get her fathers car when he dies, and Y can take all the really nice plants from the garden to his place. Choosing , of course, the people that she knows her father doesnt like or get along with. When he gets annoyed or blusters, she then says well if you dont want X or Y to get it you had better write a will and say who you do want to have it!! If he is quite bloody minded that may get him to make a will, just so that the person he doesnt like wont get anything. Not the nicest way to make a will but it might work if the pleasant way doesnt!! Or of course usually mentioning to people that if they dont make a will the g government might get most of it , that tends to get people moving ! Good luck

We made our first wills when we had children and have updated tem every time we oved house, as it was convenient to do a ot of legal things all at once. We made POAs 30 years ago.

My parents always had up to date wills and made POA's in their 5os

My personal experience is that the most difficult people to get to make POAs ar single people or childless couples. I have twice had to take caring and legal responsibilities for childless aunts and uncles. Each time I and other family members have tried to encourage them to make POAs, but couls we? Of course not.

In ine case, although my incle had given up all responsibility for running his life, he was always mentally capable, so I just did everything and he would sign anything I gave him without question. I had signature rights for all his bank and savings accounts.

In the second case we had a farcical meeting between a solicitor, my aunt and uncle, both with dementia, and after roundabout, almost comical discussions the solicitor decided that when they agreed with something we said that was sensible, that at that moment they were in their right minds and had agreed. The way we got the POAs would not have stood up to even the most cursory examination.

Years ago, DH and I updated our wills and organised POA, both financial and medical. That way our children won't have to deal with what I had to, when my mother was eventually diagnosed with dementia.

I would never put my children through that.

Aldom

MissA there are certain charities who will write a simple will for a donation. Perhaps contact Citizens Advice (or whatever it's title is nowadays). They can guide you in the right direction.

Thank you.
On my "to do" list.

It's a long list though.

Put it at the top, for the child’s sake. Don’t risk leaving him in the middle of a mess especially at his tender age.

Thats the point, really.
He's not really a child but not a grown up either.

I also have his brother to consider.i know I need to face it head on, though.

Yes, please do. I hope you will be around for many years to come but none of us knows what tomorrow might bring.