Bereavement Support Group....any thoughts?

I am very sorry for your loss LisaP. This must have been the worst year of your life.

I very much admire your determination and positivity and truly believe that though grief will now be part of your life, there will also be much joy for you in the future because of the person you are💐

I was widowed during Covid and could only join an online support group. As others have said, it was just women who seemed to want to wallow in their misery, while I was looking for steps out of the pit of despair! I also had one to one telephone support from Cruse, which was slightly better, but not really much help. I honestly do think you have to find your own way through the forest of grief, by just trying out different things till you find something that helps you feel lighter.

I joined some bereavement forum and its not really for me - Like Lathyrus3, I dont want to be stuck in my grief. I want to move forward with my life.
My wife died in July last year and my daughter died a month later. And whilst its incredibly sad and heartbreaking and I will always think of them both daily, grief isnt where I want to live, but where I may visit occaisionally.
I found in this particular forum, the conversation was quite upsetting rather then uplifting.

Grief affects people in different ways but is something we all experience.

I think people should be able to find support if they need it, by any means they choose. If it helps what's wrong about it?

If you don't think you need it fair enough.

I don't think it would be for me either, but would not judge anyone for attending one, even it it's for years...

I went to a bereavement group once only. It wasn’t for me.

For a start, the leader promised nobody would be forced to speak then she asked me and another newcomer to speak. Some people had been going for years. I didn’t want to be amongst sad people focussing on their losses. My sadness is mine, not for sharing, and I don’t need to be brought down by others focussing on their loss, sorry though I am that so many are in this situation.
Instead I have joined some u3a groups and I try to meet new people.
Most of my friends are married, and don’t appreciate how hard it can be to have nobody to go for a walk or to a concert with or just to “do nothing with”. I certainly didn’t feel that I was going to find friends from the bereavement group.

There is a bereavement course starting near me. The topics look very pertinent, but there is no way I want to share my feelings in a group situation.

I did once attend a course for older people, covering topics like Benefits, writing your will, getting LPA, hobbies, paying for care, tidying up your admin, including deciding what sort of funeral you would want….. and much more. It was sensitively done, very informative, not sharing personal information, and most useful.

I am sure that we all deal with loss in different ways - I know I didn't fully grieve for my mum until after my dad died and then I missed her dreadfully. Years later life has gotten easier but occasionally something will occur, I will hear a song, smell some home baking, see a photograph and I am back to the time they died.
Personally, I can think of nothing worse than sitting in a group of people sharing my memories particularly as here it would be at the local church where there is an element of wanting to know your business and then gossip when you're not around........and they call themselves Christians!

I live outside a small village. When my husband passed away the GP surgery mentioned a bereavement group run by one of their staff. At the time I would have liked to talk to someone completely unconnected to me but I was told the group also had help from 2 local volunteers one of whom I vaguely knew.
The idea that these 2 random, completely untrained helpers were present just put me off completely, no way would I want to discuss feelings in front of the local gossip.

Same Lathryus

I found a bereavement group a waste of time . The woman running it had done a 12 week course and was married. I was widowed in 2004 aged 45 my husband was 47. Others in the group where 20-40 years older than me only reason I went my children where 20 and 16 and they thought it would help . Only stuck it out for 2 years until they both left home . Luckily they never asked me if it helped it didn't they where nice people but grief was never mentioned.

Glasshalffullagain go onto the bereavement forum and read the threads there . You will see you are not alone and you can freely talk about what you are going through and being understood . It's been 21 years since my husband died and the grief gets worse as the years go by but you learn to cope. But bone crushing grief can still overwhelm me at times but I cry and feel better . Anyway I am on some of the threads but I warn you I ramble on .

Read the threads they will help . 🌹

It wasn’t for me. I wanted help in creating a new life but the other members of the group just wanted to revisit their loss.
It didn’t seem to be helping them. Some had been going to the group for years.

The hospice my husband died in offered counselling for relatives. It was helpful in that it affirmed my decisions I’d already taken about my future.

Most of the help I needed came from my family and friends because they knew me so well.

It sounds as though you’ve started to go to this group and aren’t sure it’s meeting your needs. I know it wouldn’t be right for me but 1-1 sessions with a good therapy might be. Talking with family and friends can be supportive.
I understand your point about the possible impact on you of being with other sad people.