20 Year Old Granddaughter needs car but Grandpa says No

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and opinions. They are much appreciated as always. This is a great site to be able to share and get opinions of others. Thank you. A lot to think about.

Unfortunately I think all too often these days, parents and grandparents pay out for too much for the kids, meaning that they fail to grasp the concept that you CAN'T have everything, and that if you want something, you need to work for it. Hence we now have a nation of entitled young people, who think the world owes them a living. Yes, I know it's nice to treat our kids and grandkids, but personally, unless asked for a loan, which if we agree, is set up with a legally binding agreement, and paid off by Standing Order every month, we tend to only pay for things like meals out, drinks, etc. we would pay for other small things, but due to disability can't get out much, so it's not something which arises. Youngsters need to realise that there isn't always going to be someone there to bail them out, so they have to learn to stand on their own two feet.

So, having said all that, it will come as no surprise to the OP, that I totally agree with her DH. Let your granddaughter work, and earn the money to buy her own car. If your DH agrees, you could perhaps offer her an interest free loan, but if you do, write out a contract, noting the full amount lent, and the amount due each month, and get her to sign it, as she would have to do if borrowing from a bank or other institution. She then needs to set up a Standing Order, and tell her that failure to pay, will mean you take her to the small claims court, and MEAN IT! (or at least make it look like you do, so that she takes the whole thing seriously) If you can't do this yourself because you're used to spoiling your grandkids, then get your DH to do it, as he'll likely come across as meaning what he says, whereas she may think you'll be a push over.

If she doesn't want to do this, then she needs to get a job where she can use public transport, as we all did when we were young.

anniehall you are doing a lot for your family- so would I, if I was in your position. I don’t know how old you are , but you can’t take your money with you. The older I get , the more generous I am, but that’s just me .

crazyH

anniehall you are doing a lot for your family- so would I, if I was in your position. I don’t know how old you are , but you can’t take your money with you. The older I get , the more generous I am, but that’s just me .

Me too. None of my family ask for anything and everything we give is given with a smile and good wishes. I was fortunate to marry into a family that was kind and generous. MIL lived to 101, she lived with us for the last few years of her life so we were able to repay her kindness and generosity.

The best option is to offer her a loan and agree regular repayments, but also make it very clear to her that the insurance cost could equal, or even exceed, the price of a reliable second hand car. If her employer is making things difficult for her, perhaps they could advance a loan, with deductions from her pay-;packet. If all else fails, she could do what my DGD did and acquire a moped which can be driven with a provisional licence.

anniehall, I think you can see which way this thread is going. There are things we don’t know - I am presuming your GD lives with her parents, if so, does she live rent free, or does she pay them what we used to call ‘housekeeping’? If she doesn’t pay anything, then she’s in cloud cuckoo land. How much does she earn? Can she just carry on for the time being, in the meantime looking out for a better job? As others have asked, what did she do with the money you were giving her for college? I rather think I’m coming down on the side of your DH - keep your money for much smaller treats.

Personally I would lend her a runabout, all our daughters had one while they lived at home, when they moved out they made other arrangements and the car was handed down, ( it survived too)

Who has a spare ‘runabout’ certainly not us.

I agree with your husband, sounds like he's been very patient so far. Why can't the GD save money from her job or get a second part time job, why can't your daughter or other half do the same.
Maybe your DH would consider making a loan to GD with a direct debit set up to ensure repayments made every month with no exceptions?

When I was young, not earning very much and saving up for a car, my Dad lent me some money and I paid him back monthly. Would this be an option?
He also came with me to vet what car I was buying so I didn't end up with a heap of junk!

I think that a formal loan is the best and only way, in these circumstances.
I am not in the camp that thinks parents should support their adult children and grandchildren beyond occasional gifts, short term loans or support in emergency, unless there is an influx of money from an inheritance or similar to pass on. It does them no favours in the long term.

You have gone beyond the call of duty. She and her parents ought to be buying the vehicle.

You say GDs father takes her back and forth at the moment. What's changed in relation to a job that she now needs a car of her own. She lost promotion because her Dad drives her, seems strange. Surely it shouldn't matter how she teavels for work, only that she does her job. Her Father should continue supporting her allowing her to save for a deposit for a car. Or, would she need a car to actually do any promoted? That would be frustrating for your GD but afraid a life lesson, you can't have everything. Your DH is right, time to be independent.

She is working so she should be encouraged to save for her own car.
I do agree with your OH and there has to come a time when the purse strings have to be tightened along with a resounding 'No'.
The more you keep throwing money at your family the longer they will take to stand on their own feet.

Indigo8

I can see why you are finding it difficult to know what to do next. I don't know the distances involved with your GDs work but if it is not too far, could she consider a motorbike, a motorised bicycle or even a push bike. They would be much cheaper to buy and run.

I worked in an office for many years and as we only ran one car, I used to bike it into work in all weathers. I am not suggesting this ideal but it might work short term. Using public transport might be an option, though I realise this may not be practical. Another possible option is sharing fuel costs with another employee in return for lifts.

If a car is the only acceptable option then you have difficult choices to make especially if your extremely smart GS needs new, expensive clothes in order to stay smartly dressed.

The OP uses the word smart=clever.

Astitchintime

She is working so she should be encouraged to save for her own car.
I do agree with your OH and there has to come a time when the purse strings have to be tightened along with a resounding 'No'.
The more you keep throwing money at your family the longer they will take to stand on their own feet.

This, in spades.
You’re doing enough already anniehall

Insurance for a young person’s fitst car can easily top the price of the car.
My late DM generously paid for a small 2nd hand car for my son for his 18th birthday, over 10 years ago now, and we said we’d insure it for him.
The car cost £1,800 and the insurance just under £1,900.

I may be wrong but think that anniehall is American where children can, or could, drive at 16 and given their petrol/ gas is or was very cheap compared to ours, so car insurance may not be as much as it is here in the UK.
Anniehall you already do a lot sending money regularly to your gc parents, as well as giving your gd money for college which didn’t get used for that purpose. They really need to stand on their own two feet and take care your generosity isn’t taken for granted.

A 20 year old is neither the responsibility of her parents or her grandparents. If she needs a car, then she will need to find a way of saving up sufficient money to buy one.

I suspect you may be American, so suggesting that she just uses public transport, even if it means getting up earlier to get to work on time, may not be applicable. Anywhere in Europe this would be the cheapest solution.

Could she not have moved nearer to the work-place that "came with" her promotion?

By offering all this financial help you have already accustomed her to a style of living, she cannot pay for, and her parents, too. I am sure you did this out of love and with the best of intentions, but at some point we need to leave our children and theirs to stand on their own feet. Otherwise we are not helping them to live independent lives.

I don't know where the GD lives but if she lived with us we'd have to take her everywhere that wasn't within walking distance as there is absolutely no public transport within a mile and a half and what there is, is extremely sporadic. The nearest train station is a 15 minute car ride away and the nearest shop is 10 minutes drive away. Not everyone has easy access to public transport.

I started working life with a rucksack on my back and a moped. It is a life lesson for your dgd to save and get herself some simple transport. If you buy a car, she will never learn

This sounds American. Yes?

You said your granddaughter lost a job because she had to rely on her father for lifts. I don’t understand that. Was she always late because her father didn’t get her there on time? I can’t read anything else into it but that. If he always made her late, that is unacceptable in itself. But why would he do that? would he do that?
How did her bosses know her father brought her to and from work? Your granddaughter ‘chose’ to leave school but you ay she is going back. What a very strange tale and I’m not entirely sure I believe it. Weird!

crazyH

anniehall you are doing a lot for your family- so would I, if I was in your position. I don’t know how old you are , but you can’t take your money with you. The older I get , the more generous I am, but that’s just me .

Well, if older people need care and find they can't pay for it because they've given all their money away to family, that would be deemed deprivation of assets.

Of course, some posters might be able to buy cars for grandchildren, give house deposits to children without missing the money, but I doubt that most people can do that.

However, for those of us who can afford to do those things and it gives us pleasure, why not. It's certainly not made my husband lazy or entitled, quite the opposite in fact. It's not made my daughters lazy or entitled either. The values we pass on to our children are not based on our generosity or lack of it, they are based on the way we bring them up from babies.