Hi, my 20 year old granddaughter has a job, but she recently lost a promotion because she has to rely on her father to take her back and forth, so she needs a car. My first instinct of course is to give her the money for one, but my husband, who is not the natural grandfather, (but he has contributed over a dozen times for her education, etc. etc.) says no, enough is enough it is up to her parents or herself to find a way. The issue is not that we don't have the money, although in this day and age, we do have to be smart because you never know if a catastrophic event could wipe you out. The issue is that he firmly believes it is enabling and we have done more than enough. To give it some context, I currently send money to her parents every month to help them make ends meet, and I gave my granddaughter enough money for a year at college or two years of community college or to use as needed when she graduated from High School, in addition I will be doing the same thing for my grandson. The problem is that her parents struggle financially, and her mother has issues that have not helped them financially, however, they also don't make good choices sometimes, but this is not the grandkids fault. I know when I was growing up I had no grandparents to help me out, if I wanted something I worked for it and eventually got married. I worked for 40 years and retired, so I basically use my retirement for vacations, to support her family every month and send money to the grandkids every now and then. Again, my husband has been more than generous and he takes care of all expenses, which has enabled me to be able to help out my daughter's family, but this is the line in the sand for him, and while I want very badly to help her get that car, I can't do it behind his back nor would I want to. I guess in my heart I know he is right that she needs to start figuring things out for herself and find ways, but I also know the world is not financially the same for these kids like it was in our day. I guess I would just like your opinion on what, if anything I can do. I also need to take her parent's opinion into consideration. I thought I could just send her mother dealership and loan information every now on then and nudge them because I do think they should get her a car as she really needs one if she is going to be working girl. I understand that a lot of people don't think it is the parent's responsibility either but in this day and age. Just curious folks what do you think.
Oh, I also need to mention that my grandson graduates in a year and 1/2 and so I am afraid that if I help my grandaughter to get a car somehow, (although I can't go against me husband's wishes can I? ) I will be obligated to help him too and I may not be able to financially by then. Also, he is extremely smart, and I think the parents have favored him and are more apt to spend money for him than for my granddaughter who has chosen to work instead of school for now although she plans to go back, so I think it is fair to help out my granddaughter if I could, which I guess I can't can I?
