Has retirement turned out as you expected it to

On the whole, yes, it has. I don’t miss work one little bit. I thought that I might have missed aspects of it, but the reality has been that I don’t. I retired earlier than I had thought I would and did some cover work for a couple of years, but then decided that I’d had enough, and really didn’t need the stress. I don’t get my state pension yet, but I have my works one and my OH has both state and private pensions - it’s enough for us as we don’t lead an extravagant lifestyle. Having said that, we do go on holiday several times a year and enjoy days out, but we are equally content at home pottering - either in the garden or the house, and we enjoy reading, listening to music or a radio play or watching tv.

I participate in a couple of group things, too, but have avoided any kind of voluntary work as I have no wish to be tied to doing something every week on a given day, or be limited by expectations that it would probably generate.

Life has a habit of throwing things at you, doesn’t it, sometimes, so I’m enjoying retirement in the way I want to do it, whilst I can, not to how anyone else thinks I should do it, and hope that my health remains relatively ok to enable me to continue do so.

I really love the freedom retirement brings - the ability to please oneself and not be tied by timetables. If I want a lie in, I have one. If I want to go out, I do. If I want to stay indoors, I do. It’s brilliant, so far. Do I feel guilty being retired? Not one iota. 😁.

I retired in 2014 aged 64 ( just got in before the age changed) mainly to help more with my very elderly mother. DH and I had 4 years of taking holidays when we wanted to , helped out with 4GC and my mother . Then DH became unwell and he died in 2019. I’m pleased I retired when I did even though I was reluctant at the time .Now I live a quiet life, do a little volunteering and potter. Arthritis is a problem and I still miss DH , but I have good friends and family nearby. Was retirement what I expected? Probably not but at least I’m still here , in reasonable shape and have enough money to keep the house warm as well as eat !

Interesting listening to this. I’m due to retire next January and finding teaching really hard as it’s early years. I’m exhausted. My wages aren’t good but I will have the state pension and a small lump sum and I’m nervous about retiring but needing it so much. I can work part time but after twenty four years think the the time has come.

Not in the least. I retired early to look after my elderly Mum for 14 years after my Dad died. she passed away nearly 5 years ago but we had some very special time together and I am pleased I was able to be with her.

I started going out with friends more, enjoying hobbies, walking, cycling, etc. my husband kept working but I always made sure we took a couple of holidays a year which we really enjoyed. We found time to do some work in the house and garden together.

So I guess I had a brief taste of how enjoyable retirement could be. My health was good, I could do pretty much what I wanted when I wanted as I am quite impulsive. We were quite comfortably off and had everything we needed.

It all came crashing down in Nov when my husband had a severe stroke without warning. Three months in hospital before coming home unable to stand or use his right arm and leg. Speech is also affected. He is very depressed and tearful because there is so little he can do.

Now I spend my days caring for him, using hospital bed, wheelchair, ramps, urine bottles, 20 pills a day, welcoming physios and speech therapists and nurses in. He hates it and I hate it. Some days we cry together. I can do nothing on impulse, I go out once a week to do the weekly shop. We can’t even go out in the car as he cannot safely get in or out yet.

A few friends still care about us but others text and tell me about holidays they have booked this summer and unless a miracle happens we won’t be going anywhere. So that upsets me. We are just confined to the house.

But as they say “s**t happens” so we just have to get on with it but it isn’t easy.

I’m so sorry to hear of all you are going through Primrose53 . I hope your husband is able to recover sufficiently for you both to have a better quality of life.

Poppyred

I’m so sorry to hear of all you are going through Primrose53 . I hope your husband is able to recover sufficiently for you both to have a better quality of life.

Thanks Poppyred. We both naively thought that after his time in hospital and all the therapies he was supposed to receive he would make great progress as he works so hard for the therapists.

It is starting to sink in that this could take years if at all to improve. I don’t know how long I will be able to physically carry on like this. I was pretty good before but now both hips ache, I get backache and I have bruises up my legs and across my tummy from pushing wheelchairs and other equipment about. I am so tired that I am off as soon as I hit the pillow. I am sleeping on the sofa next to his bed in the lounge.

I should point out that he is really trying to help as much as he can and tries to wash mugs, wipe the table over, clean as much of worktops as he can reach etc. he does all this using his left hand and he is right handed!

I don’t like being old and I wish I could still work. Old age came too quickly. I am conscious of being lazy a lot of the time and keep resolving not to be. I don’t miss work, only the structure it gave. I would give anything and I mean anything to have my younger life again. I find old age frightening.

My decision to accept early retirement because the schem was so generous happened so fast i never had any time to thnk about what I expected it to be.

Been retired nearly 30 years. So far, so good.

Oh Primrose, I’m so saddened to read this. It must be so very hard for both of you and my heart goes out to you. I do hope that, with time, your DH will regain more mobility. Do try to look after your own issues, too, though - there may be help? Take care. 💐

I never had any particular expectations about retirement, just wanted to keep working for as long as possible for the maximum pension, so it has been a pleasant surprise. Did a BA and an MA and enjoyed both, particularly during covid, and like having the freedom to do things in the daylight!

Primrose I am sorry you are both struggling. Have you thought of an electric wheelchair? Gumtree or eBay are both good sources of second hand chairs. You can buy a motor to help you with a manual chair too.

So sorry Primrose. My dad had a severe stroke aged 56 he couldn’t speak at all, or use one arm but fortunately he could walk quite well.
My mum really struggled at times, but eventually they started going on coach holidays, and made a different but enjoyable life for themselves for the next 25 years. Hope your husband improves asap.

Primrose53 I've been my husbands carer for over 30 years.

We have things like electric rise and recline chairs and an electric bed. We also have an electric buggy but it was so heavy to in and out of the back it was doing my back so then we had to buy a hoist to lift it in and out. A wet room was also a help as although we bought a lift thing for the bath it didn't really work for us and lifting his feet into the shower was hard, the wet room was a real improvement.You can usually get some advice from retailers but also from NHS and local authority. Do ask for advice as it is easy to make some expensive mistakes, we did.

I hope things improve for you. It is tougher than anyone realises.

I'm surprised by how very rarely I think about work - and I guess that's because I'm the other side of the country now (having moved to Wales within months of retiring) and so I don't get the physical reminders of walking past my old workplace (albeit my employer etc are no longer there).

I loathed and detested my last job with a passion - and I'd had to "grit my teeth" madly to handle it for literally years and so the main thing is it's such a blessing not to have to do that any more. It was a lower level job than the unpaid voluntary work I did in a variety of outside contexts - so at least I had the chance to do some decent level work and be "valued" and I hung onto the paid job through those gritted teeth for job security/pension at the end of it.

It took a LOT longer to renovate the house I moved to than due (yep....see above...moved to West Wales with its "Pembrokeshire Promise" letdowns by tradespeople being frequent here) and it was worrying having about the first 3 years with only a small pension (yep...WASPI woman and so had to wait for about half my pension).

Finally....finally....the house renovation is finished and I can get on with just "living in it" and can focus on my garden (one of the whole reasons for moving here - ie to have a garden). I'd been waiting for many years to be able to get on with my garden - but couldnt...because I didnt have one. I planted the fruit trees and fruit bushes first and thought "They'll be up and running by the time the Government Does Summat Major - and so it was pretty ready by 2020 - as I'd been anticipating they'd do Something and just didn't know what it would be until about a year before or when it would be.

My health developed various problems during Lockdown and I'm working my way through getting rid of them currently.....so I can get on with things as per plan as far as possible.

Basically given up the idea of the voluntary work I was going to expand on.....as I've done voluntary work/activist work for years and often at quite a reasonable level too - but it hasn't worked out here....and being sacked from one "unpaid job" for pretending I'd not noticed a woman determinedly trying to will me to walk over and join in her loud conversation about "Plaid Cymru - lovely....lovely" and agree with her...but keeping my head down and pretending I'd not noticed their "private" conversation and saying nowt (apparently I should have allowed her to will me over to her and then lied and lied agreeing with her) and then getting sacked from another one "because we know you won't follow Lockdown rules" and I've thought "Darn them - they can do without my help then" and I'm unwilling to try again here.

So I'm rambling my way through planting as many varieties of food as I can in my garden and a very haphazard informal bit of self-education on topics of interest to me (eg alternative healthcare). So it's sorta studying - as I'd planned to do way back when with the Open University - until so many other people started going for degrees/"degrees".

I'm someone that believes in reincarnation and so what I'm mainly doing now is the summing-up/learning from life on Earth "final stage" - as I won't be coming back to Earth again (I don't want to.....) and hence studying society informally to squeeze out every last bit of learning about "life on Earth" as possible ...as this is my last life here. So studying people/governments/etc etc to get it all as well worked out in my mind as possible as to how life here functions/learn how/learn why things are as they are here - before I'm off....

I've enjoyed reading this thread, all different perspectives.
Tomorrow is my last day of work! I'm 63, and have opted for early retirement.

DH has already retired, so as of next week I will be invading his space and routine. He will have to adjust!

I am both excited and trepidatious; we have no real travel plans other than our regular road trip in the summer visiting friends and family. We both have relatively good health, but DH has had bypass surgery in the past, so very aware that one never knows what the future may bring.

There are no plans yet for volunteering; I think I will just coast through spring and summer and then see what the autumn brings. I may volunteer at the GC's school, or find some other worthy outlet.

Primrose and others, I am sorry to hear that life has given you such challenges. My own father was disabled, so I do understand the toll on a family looking after loved ones.

Good luck and enjoy CanadianGran
Primrose 🥀
I retired unexpectedly early, I’d had an unpaid sabbatical as we had an offer to live in Françe for 6 months, we both loved it (my husband is self employed). We returned and within 2 months I gave 3 months notice of early retirement, we spent the next three years living in Françe most of the time, I took my private pension for us to live on, we both had casual jobs too.
Then we had Covid/Brexit implementation, so now I do some voluntary work for a group getting people to medical appointments, garden and socialise. MrJ is now semi retired, we don’t fly for holidays, but spend time enjoying the UK together.

Lol CanadianGran I am also 63 and tomorrow is my last day at work!

After a lifetime in childcare my back and joints are wrecked. I take so much medication just to get through each day, I'm in bed by 8/9pm and I only work an average of 10 hours a week. Luckily I have a decent private pension.

My husband gets his state pension in May and has decided to continue full time work, so we will be OK financially

I love being at home, cooking, gardening (although I can't do it for as long as I used to). I can't wait to read more, walk my little dog and just relax.

So many people, including an elderly aunt who worked into her late 70s, have asked what will I do. Well after working since I was 13 (Saturday girl in Woolworths) I don't plan to do very much. I'm not going to join groups or volunteer, I'm just going to enjoy my home and garden and read as many books as I can. Hopefully we will have a warm, dry summer and I will get outside every day

My daughter said I need some hobbies. Is sitting outside in my beautiful garden with a glass of chilled white wine and a good book not classed as a hobby?🤔🤣

canadiangran and ziggy I hope you each have a great ‘last day’ tomorrow, and properly enjoy wriggling your toes in the luxury of not needing to get up on Monday morning!

lixy

canadiangran and ziggy I hope you each have a great ‘last day’ tomorrow, and properly enjoy wriggling your toes in the luxury of not needing to get up on Monday morning!

Ah unfortunately I'll still be getting up to see Mr Ziggy off to work but I'm sure I'll manage a wee nap in the afternoon 😴

No definitely not how I had planned it, DH retired in 2017, got a little part time job working for our old neighbour, then a month later had a major stroke, which has left him with mobility problems, his health has also deteriorated. I was still working but had to take early retirement to look after him. We both had so many plans which have gone by the wayside.

Primrose

I bloody love being retired! So glad to finally leave primary teaching, and I still get a kick out of waking up when I like each day. Not quite as planned, due to the death of my husband, but have now downsized and am content living alone with my delightful cat. I don’t volunteer, because I will never be told what to do by anyone ever again. I help look after my grandson at weekends. The rest of the time I potter in the yard, read, visit galleries, go to cinema/theatre, take trips to nearby towns, do a few classes - dance/Tai Chi/Art History. Never bored!

I divorced in 1988 ans retired in 2002. I hung on wanting my full pension, then ran out of the door. I paid off my mortgage, and living in London left me with no savings. Found three very part-time jobs and was happy doing those until I had an accident, could not work and after surgery, my mobility was also limited. Fast forward a few years, and my eyesight was going, so my home is geared for that future.

My friends moved to other parts of the country, so I have made some very good GN friends, and we meet up for coffee regularly.

I wanted to do a law degree, but the cost was prohibitive.

I am fortunate that I have a good pension, can feed myself and keep the house warm like others.

I have had two knee replacements but hope my hips "will see me out".

I do very little but am addicted to this machine.

I am enjoying retirement and making the best of it.

I’ve loved retirement from the start. I had a very busy and stressful job and it was a great relief to wave goodbye. I had warned them I was going months earlier but they didn’t do anything about it so they were in trouble when I left. Bad luck.
I am as busy as I ever was but with things of my choice with people I like and respect. Health wise it is a bit of a downward slope but things are reasonable and I make the best of it. I love dealing with our extended family now I have the time and always look forward to new members, babies,partners etc. I feel blessed that we live in a wonderful country with mostly happy friendly people ( Even though our local politics leave a lot to be desired) Life is good.

62Granny

No definitely not how I had planned it, DH retired in 2017, got a little part time job working for our old neighbour, then a month later had a major stroke, which has left him with mobility problems, his health has also deteriorated. I was still working but had to take early retirement to look after him. We both had so many plans which have gone by the wayside.

62Granny. We’re in the same boat then sadly! I spend my days waiting. Waiting for physios and speech therapists, waiting for the day we can finally get out in the car, waiting for a really good sign of progress in my husband’s mobility.

Take care. 💐