Gut instinct

I have a gut instinct that tells me when people don’t take to me!

I'm another one that follows my gut instinct and am rarely wrong. I totally agree with GinJeannie, i don't just listen to the words, i watch the body language and the eyes.

I used to live next door to a lovely couple in their 2nd marriage.
One year they decided to rent out the house next to us and go to live in her smaller house.
They had several lovely tenants who caused no problems.
Then they rented to a couple with 2 labradors.
The lady came and introduced herself.
I took a dislike immediately...not usual for me.
They never walked the dogs, letting them soil their patio
One morning we woke to Police cars and radio people next door.
Apparently he was an illegal money laundering in the guise of local good guy and kids football coach.
He went to prison and we soon had new neighbours.
I knew they were badduns!!

TwiceAsNice

I’ve done this all my life, I’ve only been wrong once . I know on first meeting whether I like someone or not . Always trust your instinct

Me too. Even my family say I'm never wrong.

Talking of instant dislike and people who make your skin crawl, I think my prime example is Jimmy Savile. I could never understand why people thought him funny, likeable and even a national treasure. Certainly proved right on that one: the “vile” in his name says it all.

I get a gut instinct when I meet people who are 'off', and I feel I should keep them at arms length. In the end I'm right.

Twice in my life though I've given the person a chance/many chances/ the benefit of the doubt/made allowances/berated myself for being judgmental...and been proved I was right all along. I should not have had anything to do with them as my life was upset a lot by both. Lessons learned.

I have heightened awareness I think due to events in early childhood which gave me strong survival instincts and great awareness around atmospheres.

And I picked up on Jimmy Savile too. I'm often bewildered why certain TV celebrities/personalities/performers are adored when I get a bad feeling about them.

I am usually "neutral" mode when I first meet people and I wait to see how they pan out before I decide one way or another.

I watch their body language, watch how they lead their lives, etc and then I make up my mind. Guess I'm giving the benefit of the doubt to people until they show their "true colours" one way or another. I tend to feel people are more likely to like someone of a similar background to them - and that doesnt give someone from a different background to them a fair chance imo. Before now I've more than once watched someone obviously favour someone else they'd just slapped eyes on for the first time - because that person is clearly from same background and I'm not (yep....I was quietly livid the time a customer in front of me had an incident involving me and the till assistant took the side of Mrs In the Wrong and I could see clearly that it was because they were obviously similar to each other - and I thought that was extremely naughty of the assistant).

I will/have formed relationships of one description or another with people all the way through the spectrum from very obviously "working class" through the middle class up to one occasion realising (belatedly) the foreign guy I'd been dating for months had the same surname as the (very large!) royal family of the Middle Eastern country concerned and spotting the evidence at the time I chucked him that his family were clearly VERY VERY wealthy indeed. So I won't judge for a while - until I've had the chance to see them "in action" for some time.

The sort of thing that will turn me against people, for instance, includes a work colleague I was still in neutral mode about until she told me that she was planning to have a 2nd child with her husband without getting his agreement first. They'd had a mutual first child (who was some years old at that point) and I specifically remember her saying she'd decided (on her own!!!!!!!) to have a 2nd child (blow what he felt about it!) and she would have her child and then divorce him and include telling him he was to pay maintenance for "her" child (no. 2), as well as "their" child (no. 1)!!!!! Poor guy was due to be ordered by a court (if her plans came to fruition) for a child he'd had no say about whatsoever. My opinion of her was formed at the moment she said she planned to make "their" decision all on her own and go and conceive against his wishes - and I'd changed from neutral about her to "dislike/disapprove of her" as soon as she said she was going to go for deceiving him and then expecting him to pick up the tab.

My gut instinct is instant. Class, accent, money etc don't have time to draw attention to themselves.
I think there must be some deep instinct similar to the one that makes us wary of snakes and spiders.

I have very good intuition which has served me and my family well, nothing about liking or not-liking. It has alerted me to dangerous situations involving people

I get an inner warning, difficult to explain, particularly in a group of people, so I ease back and observe quietly, when I’m usually quite gregarious. MrJ notices and comments later; I'm usually right.

However, it does work both ways though and I can meet someone and like them straightaway. No pause for thought, I just like them.

silverlining48

I don’t think I have ever taken an instant dislike to someone I have just met. I don’t judge until I know people better, unless they were abusive or downright rude I would.

I agree with this. I get to know people first.

For me it's not a matter of judging it's an instant instinctive thing.

Although I think I have good gut instinct for circumstances or situations, I know I have read people wrong.

Over the years, a few people that I first thought of as flippant or unsociable have turned out to be really nice people. A few others I instantly befriended turned out to be flaky and unreliable. So I have learned to give people more than just an initial chance to prove character.

I’m exact the same, OP.
If I decide to go against my gut, I’m soon proven wrong and feel cross that I ignored my own feelingss

A gut instinct is more of a warning flag than anything else.

Oh yes Aveline! I know within minutes whether I will get on with a person I have never met before.

I could write a book about the many times I have been proved right about someone when others thought I was unfair or horrible.

The one that springs to mind right now is some years ago when a couple with a son same age as mine turned up in our village to take over a social club. They seemed very popular with regulars and lots of new people joined due to them. The club flourished and they arranged lots of money making events. My friend thought they were fantastic but I met them and immediately thought something was dodgy.

Long story short, they did a moonlight flit taking with them several weeks takings from the club plus money they borrowed from locals and never paid back. My friend even admitted she loaned them some which they never paid back. People tried to find them but they had well and truly disappeared.

Definitely go by your gut feelings.

My gut instinct has proved to be almost always right. I'm very wary when it happens though and try not to let it show. I have been mistaken just once or twice, but generally the old gut hasn't let me down much.

i have always decided i like or dislike someone after speaking to them for a few mins, don't know why i do it, i will still be polite and nice but won't go out of my way to be good friends, i think it is just something you feel and can't always explain.

About eight months ago I was at a meeting of a group to which I belong. A new member was present, seated at the opposite end of the room to me.
I instinctively liked her. At the end of the meeting I chatted with her and invited her to coffee for the following week.
When she came to my home for coffee and we began to chat,like old friends, this lady said, 'I knew we would be friends even before we spoke'(at the meeting). We have become firm friends. Gut instinct was working both ways on that occasion!

That's happened to me too Aldom. She just felt so right. We've been friends ever since. My gut was spot on!

Aveline

Funny you should ask that; this week, after giving someone the benefit of the doubt [after thirty years of not trusting her], she let me down badly again. Lesson learned.

I think I'm basically anti instant decisions - because it's something my mother said she did. My mother was pretty darn antisocial/didnt have much time for anyone very much and very obviously favoured her son (my erstwhile brother).

Added that my erstwhile brother is erstwhile for very good reason - his bad behaviour was why I cut him off in the end. Basically he's very "grabby/selfish".

Hence I deliberately wait to see how things go/how people react. I rarely do instant judgements either way - and can recall only three times where I did an "instant judgement" and it was a positive one and we did become friends. But overall I wait and see how things develop and then I decide.

I used to start by acting like myself towards people (ie as someone said to me once "The trouble with you is that, because you're a nice person, you think other people will be nice too - and you're wrong. They often won't treat you as you would treat yourself (ie properly and nicely)". So I have been a sight warier since I went away and thought about what he'd said (after indignantly denying I was too nice for my own good in his opinion).

His comment about that had me thinking and, from then onwards I've always thought 1. How should they treat me? How would a nice person treat me? 2. Let's assume they may not be nice people. Now how would a nasty person treat me?. It worked a treat with knowing exactly how our mutual employer was going to treat me next. I would just think. 1. How should they treat me? How would I treat me? and then go onto 2. If they were nasty people how would they treat me next? - and I was prepared every single time and knew exactly what they would do next. I'm very "naughty" and would even tell them I'd anticipated their next action against me and would sometimes tell them what they'd just said and done LOL.

Very salutary experience to know what would be bad treatment done on me and then be sitting there waiting prepared for just that....