GN makes me lonelier

M0nica

The way many of you are writing you would think that GN was all about family and pets.

There are currently nearly 40 threads on GN that are not about families and you can always start more of your own.

I have never had family living close to me DS and the DGC live 200 miles away. I have never played a day to day part in their lives.

I think women get far too dependent on their families. I have always had a life of my own. My DH's work involved frequent foreign travel to remote parts of the world for unknown periods of time. I had my own career and I have my own interests, own friends and own pursuits.

I also have a wonderful loving family. We go on holiday together and DS and DGS will be with us next week. We are moving to live quite close to our DD.

I do understand having down days when everything closes in on us, and I hope this is all RosieandherMaw is having but we are all responsible for our own lives and should not be dependent on our children, or any other one thing for our happiness and content.

Well bully for you!
What a smug post🙄

fancythat

glasshalffullagain

Just as a matter of interest , have any GN succeeded in meeting new friends/ acquaintances later in life? I used to go to Church which gave that sense of connection and belonging. I don't believe though.

Hope for a decent day today.

Good question.
Not my best friends, no.

And there was me fancythat thinking we’d got on like a house on fire …. 😂

I stopped posting on GM thread after I lost my little dog as it was too sad. Most of my post centred on him and our walks together

Aw I’ve missed you on there Whitewave I wondered why you’d stopped posting. I’m sorry about your dog but I did very much enjoy reading about your garden with its plants and bird life too.

Got up, had shower, struggled with hair (as usual). Ate two Scotch pancakes (Waitrose are the best - and cheaper than well-known brands).
Had a coffee.
Went to Garden Centre to buy a token, the man behind me in the queue kept edging towards my shins with his trolley (one of those with a projecting section at shin level). I spent the time in the queue wondering if I'd over-balance if he shoved it into me or would I manage to bash him with one of my crutches first.

Came home, had lunch, did online puzzles, went on GN.
Must do some crocheting.

Are you bored yet? 😴

I have days, rather like today - read paper, wash hair, faff in the garden, make dinner, to some people boring , but to me the hum drum of life.
I like the GM thread, it helped during lockdowns for me anyway and I’ve stayed.

kittylester

I think it would be good if people who have nothing happening posted as well as the ones who have exciting lives.

I suspect, like most of us, that my life has ups and downs. On Friday I had a dental appointment, went to the butchers and Waitrose and had an M&S Cottage Pie, on my knee while watching the new Death in Paradise thing.

That's why I liked the old style good morning thread.

Sorry your post made me laugh! I had a vision of you eating your cottage pie whilst kneeling. Then I read it properly!
Hope today is going well.

kittylester

I think it would be good if people who have nothing happening posted as well as the ones who have exciting lives.

I suspect, like most of us, that my life has ups and downs. On Friday I had a dental appointment, went to the butchers and Waitrose and had an M&S Cottage Pie, on my knee while watching the new Death in Paradise thing.

That's why I liked the old style good morning thread.

What’s is the difference? I don’t quite get it atm.

I stopped posting on GM thread after I lost my little dog as it was too sad. Most of my post centred on him and our walks together.

I think it would be good if people who have nothing happening posted as well as the ones who have exciting lives.

I suspect, like most of us, that my life has ups and downs. On Friday I had a dental appointment, went to the butchers and Waitrose and had an M&S Cottage Pie, on my knee while watching the new Death in Paradise thing.

That's why I liked the old style good morning thread.

That might be a good idea.

I think the only way to get to know people better as you get older is to join the committees of groups but I'm not an enthusiastic committee person any more if I ever was.

Pmd you maw. Sending love xx stroke thatrosie 💖

Allira

glasshalffullagain

Just as a matter of interest , have any GN succeeded in meeting new friends/ acquaintances later in life? I used to go to Church which gave that sense of connection and belonging. I don't believe though.

Hope for a decent day today.

I think it's more difficult as you get older.

You can join clubs, societies and meet people but, more often than not, they already have their friendship groups.
Several of my friends have died including my closest friend and I don't really feel that close to others, they're what I'd call 'friendly acquaintances'. I probably couldn't tell them my innermost thoughts and worries.

Perhaps it's me that needs to make more effort but health does not always permit it either.

I have thought about wrting a blog about my attempts to " meet people" I've had some hilarious times really one way and another.

Ps Perhaps that's why, years ago, my dear Aunt became an enthusiastic church goer in her later years, it gives a sense f community.

Madeleine46 what a good point that was about the unhappy family group on a day out. I'm sure we've all seen or overheard such families. Not everyone is having a great time.
I used to long for half an hour to myself when the children were young. Now I have all day. Be careful what you wish for!

glasshalffullagain

Just as a matter of interest , have any GN succeeded in meeting new friends/ acquaintances later in life? I used to go to Church which gave that sense of connection and belonging. I don't believe though.

Hope for a decent day today.

I think it's more difficult as you get older.

You can join clubs, societies and meet people but, more often than not, they already have their friendship groups.
Several of my friends have died including my closest friend and I don't really feel that close to others, they're what I'd call 'friendly acquaintances'. I probably couldn't tell them my innermost thoughts and worries.

Perhaps it's me that needs to make more effort but health does not always permit it either.

I dont think I have a lot of interesting things to say on GN, but I enjoy reading some of the posts, and for me especially when my back is very bad and I cant go out, I post on gn. I am aware that lots of people may just skip over my posts or think how boring, but so far people have been kind and no one has said why dont you just shut up!!

So now my son lives on the other side of the country and my husband has died , it means that I have to make the effort to go out to meet people. I can spend some bad days and dont do anything at all, but then when I have a good day - like yesterday I actually went to where I used to go to school and over the wolds etc.and the weather was lovely. So I sort of store those days up to give me a good memory and a reminder that there can be other days to come. That the few things about being alone which are good, are that I go where I want and set off when I want with no one chivying me or disagreeing with me.

We naturally think that groups we meet are very happy and we are on our own and out of it. Well yesterday although I had enjoyed my day and was just about to set off home, suddenly felt very sad that there was no one to tell about my day. how my husband would have enjoyed this day and that I would be going home alone etc. Then a family walked by me and the children were arguing with each other, an older one had his earphones on and ignoring them all and the parents were snapping at each other. It did remind me that we look at groups with rose coloured spectacles and they might wish there were happily on their own like us!!

None of this will stop me having some days when I literally dont leave or go outside, or meet a soul and there is not even any good music on the radio. I think we all have such times and feeling bad about it doesnt help us. There are times when we just have to coast through those days until we feel able to face another day. I hope knowing you can write to us makes you feel a bit better and gives you a chance to express how you feel. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself some time to just accept and wait for that feeling to go away and then you might look at doing something that you can enjoy. Wishing you a better day

I know what you mean Rosieand hermaw, I feel reluctant to post much as I don't have a particularly exciting life. It isn't exactly a social whirl. I like that thread on having a boring day.
Don't assume that your children have such busy lives they wouldn't have time for you. I bet they would!

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, you usually sound so upbeat and put me to shame!
I do understand a lot of what you say, I don't have any real friends locally but I do occasionally arrange coffee with an acquaintance who lives nearby but it is always me who instigates this unless it's something that involves me driving her somewhere.
I've been quite poorly the last few weeks and it's made me ever more aware that I'm on my own and actually, since losing my DH, I'm no longer anybody's priority.
I'm another on here who puts on a brave face especially with family, I don't want to seem needy or pathetic but lately that's how I feel inside and I find it helps to express that on this site where we can all be anonymous.
Here's hoping that very soon all of us who feel like this will have some little thing that brightens our outlook. Take care.

Dear RosieandherMaw, you have every right to feel lonely and sad, and every right to express what you feel. If it's any comfort please know that others at Gransnet feel the same, perhaps to different degrees.
Remember that when you are tired, perhaps at the end of your day, you will b vulnerable to sadness. The best thing to do then is either to go to sleep in your nice bed, or divert your sad thoughts with a story , a film or a novel.

I send respects to Rosie and yourself.

There are points of interest at Gransnet other than anecdotes about friends and relations, and I wonder if you are making the most of Gransnet.

Sorry RosieandherMaw I didn't realise Rosie is a dog. Georgesgran thank you for telling me . I know more people with dogs so no idea why I thought she was a cat. 🤦

I think any form of social media can make you feel worse about your situation. Remember, believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. I don't post much here now. I am grateful for the wonderful support I have been given over the years.

Some posts, just from people going about their daily lives, have made me feel a bit low. Posts about hair (too curly, too frizzy, bad haircut etc) hit hard as I have no hair, ditto the posts about losing a tooth or something when I lost all mine aged 11.

However, this is my problem, not the problem of the posters. We can't not post about our every day problems in case it hurts someone's feelings.

glasshalffullagain

Just as a matter of interest , have any GN succeeded in meeting new friends/ acquaintances later in life? I used to go to Church which gave that sense of connection and belonging. I don't believe though.

Hope for a decent day today.

Good question.
Not my best friends, no.

Rosie is a dog Whiff. She’s often included in Maw’s posts.

HelterSkelter you must need a stiff drink to get through my rambles . Thank you 😊🌹

Just re read you opening post RosieandherMaw why would you think anyone here would tell you to give your head a shake and count your blessings. If anyone did everyone else would jump on them and give them a telling off and that putting it politely.

It's bloody hard making a new life you just have to decide what you want . I had been with my husband since I was 16 and he was 18. What did I know about life on my own absolutely nothing . And the thought of spending the next 30+ years without him terrified me but I couldn't tell anyone . I didn't find GN until March 2019 when my house sale fell through for the second time and was at the end of my tether. But the support ,advice and friendship I found here saved me from despair. I will be forever grateful for the kindness of those on GN . I am on several threads and my rambles go on but that's me . Yes there are some rotters on GN who like hurting people. But they are the minority .

Never feel you are inadequate. You are very brave to start this thread and admit how you feel I hope you realise that . You are stronger than you think and never compare your life to others. I take it Rosie is a cat she is lucky she has you to love and look after her . I never wanted anyone or anything to be totally dependant on me ever again . So no pets .

Whiff. I always read your posts and take my hat off to you.