GN makes me lonelier

Friends even!
But “fiends” are welcome too [

We all get down days Maw

I would never tell anyone how to feel, as nobody knows how we feel on the inside other than us.

Perhaps it’s because you feel that you are no longer needed by your family despite being loved by them.

Maw I get where you’re coming from. Hopefully this is just a ‘down day’ and soon your family will be in touch arranging something to look forward to. It must be hard living a distance away from all you love. Not easy, some days. 💐 and it goes without saying that widowhood must by definition bring its own challenges. x

I'm in a similar position. A widow with children who don't live nearby. I try to avoid anywhere where people are talking about their days full of activity and visits. That's their lives not mine.
I have been a widow for a long time and have learned to enjoy my alone times. I have always walked in the country park near where I live and have got to know many dog walkers there. Now I chat to whoever I meet there.
There are days when I can feel a bit left out and I try to distract myself with hobbies.
Sorry you are feeling down RosieandherMaw. Widowhood can be tough at times.

I understand, RosieandherMaw. I’m lucky to still have my husband but my son and family live some distance away and are always busy. I see them once or twice a year since the children were born. No siblings or other close relatives. I confess to not being a very social animal nowadays and don’t belong to any local groups, not that there’s anything of interest to me.

I don’t post on GM either because basically I have nothing of interest to say. It does hurt to read about the activities of those whose children and grandchildren live close by. I really shouldn’t read it. I just have to remind myself that at least my son doesn’t live on the other side of the world and that he calls/WhatsApps when he can. It is what it is but I do wish life was a little different.

In summary, yes GN does rub salt in the wounds.

Oh I do hope you’ll feel better soon Maw, as Grannygravy says, we do all have down days and those horrible feelings of loneliness, whether we have friends and family close by or further afield, whether we have a partner or not, whether we have children or not. I suppose, in my clumsy way, I’m trying to say it’s normal to have the feelings you have right now, but that I hope you will soon feel less alone and empty.

I do hope you’ll pop onto the GM thread occasionally. I suppose it can seem as if people are full of busyness when reading some of the posts, but my guess is that those posters, too, sometimes feel lonely and/or a bit empty.

I don’t post on the GM thread as often as I used to (almost every day at one time) because I sometimes don’t feel as if I’ve got anything of interest to post, or that I’m doing anything particularly interesting to share, but on the other hand an occasional good morning lets folks know I’m still there, and that’s all it might be sometimes - just “good morning” 😁.

I wouldn’t be so presumptive to tell you to give your head a shake or count your blessings - whatever blessings we have doesn’t mean that we can’t have days when we just feel down and lonely.

Sending you a hug 🤗 and some 💐.

I'm sorry to read your post RosiesMaw. I do agree that we all have down days, and this must be so much more difficult for widows. Please bear in mind that Social Media posts can be a little misleading. Even those who are busy with friends and family probably have a day when they are at home cleaning the oven: they just don't post about those.
Be kind to yourself when you are feeling fragile. Maybe treat yourself .

I hope that the sun is shining for you tomorrow.

Yes being no longer needed quite so much I think starts when they go off to university snd grows from there.

I am now watching my eldest GS buying and moving to his new house in the Sussex countryside, and remembering when my AC were doing that and how much we were turned to for advice, help, looking at potential homes etc. Now we sit on the sidelines asking how things are going. The latest mail assures us that they will soon have comfy chairs ready for us!!🙄🙄. I’d be happy to stand, but it is what it is. Tomorrow they are moving furniture and all their stuff, with the help of parents, uncle, brother etc, but we will wait for the invite to sit on the comfy chairs😡.

One thing though they are all invited here for Easter lunch.

But all that aside I think what happens as we age is a natural process of life. I was reading somewhere that it is normal for us as we age to lead more solitary lives, and being alone is normal.

I’m not sure.

I recently had a small taster of what life could be like for me sooner than I’d hoped, Rosie, when my Dh was in hospital. We have spent plenty of time apart over the years due to work circumstances but previously, I always had children around to fill my time. Getting up in the morning and not speaking out loud to anyone apart from the cats was quite a shock to me. I suppose it’s also missing that easiness one has with the person who knows you best, the in-jokes, the silly phrases, the points of interest that no one else will be interested in except the two of you.

It’s made me realise that this is what life must be like for so many older people and dare I say it, particularly for older women. I know a few men who’ve been widowed and they seem to get checked up on, asked out to events and generally looked after much more than the widows I know. Maybe people think woman are more able to look after themselves, I don’t know.

Anyway, just to say you’re allowed to feel sad, Rosie and I hope Rosie herself is of some comfort to you. Xx

Hi Rosie
I was widowed unexpectedly 7 months ago. I’ve got two teenage girls that now I’m bringing up alone,, but I still feel incredibly lonely. The girls are getting older now but still need me to be around to keep an eye on them.
I’m still working as I’m mid 50’s, which keeps me busy to a point, but not having my lovely DH to spend time with or chat to, it hurs. Everyone else seems busy don’t they, making plans etc.

I read the Good Morning thread too every day, I enjoy reading it. I don’t post as I haven’t got anything of interest to say. So I totally get where you’re coming from.

Yes, like SueDonim, I had several weeks when DH was in hospital of feeling what it was like to be on my own although the DC were in touch constantly. It reminded me of the years when he worked away for months on end (a year at one time) and weekends seemed the worst when everyone else seemed to be busy.

I'm fairly housebound at the moment and unable to do much and was feeling rather sorry for myself. Reminding myself of all the people who are far worse off than me does remind me to be thankful but in fact doesn't help when everyone is busy or too far away.

I hope you have something to look forward to over Easter, RosiesMaw

Ps am I allowed a whinge? I've a friend who was always on the phone when she felt unwell, moaning about her DH too, and I made sure to phone her, but now she's feeling like a spring chicken again I realise she has not phoned me once to see how I am!

Such a wonderfully honest post, RosieandherMaw…
I read the GM thread every morning and definitely have attacks of envy…. You are not alone! X

I can't keep up on the Good Morning thread, by the time I get to it, everyone's gone off to have a busy day!

Dear Rosieand her Maw, I am sorry that you have been feeling down.

I think even the most fortunate people feel down from time to time.

I don't compare myself with other members of Gransnet who appear to have very active social lives and be close to their families. I usually find discussions that I am interested in and a lot of members give out good advice that I have followed.

I try to live in harmony with others and to be more diplomatic these days but this week I have fallen out bigtime with my sister and BIL and I am sad about that. I will no longer be invited to family gatherings because they seek to "punish" whoever they see as responsible if they don't get their own way.

I have no GCs and my ACs don't live near me and I don't want to move to be nearer them. I do have my DH and we get on well most of the time.

I do hope that you start to feel better over the coming days and you are in my thoughts.

Is it another of those periods of adjustment? Not being needed for granny duty anymore?

I don’t have grandchildren so I’ve never had to go through that, but I imagine it’s not dissimilar to the feelings of loss of self that I experienced when all the children left home and when I was widowed. Not really part of anything any more.

I agree it can be hard hearing about others having time and activities with their families and it can make you feel low and unhappy. So avoiding all that can be quite a good thing to do, I think.

So no advice really except that we do adjust as life changes, and hopefully find contentment💐💐

Your feelings are your feelings...never feel you should 'give your head a wobble' ....and its easy to say, you should do this, do that, keep yourself busy....but it often doesnt help you feel less lonely I guess ....💐

A good word Lathyrus3. … contentment.

I think ‘happiness’ is fleeting and lovely when it happens but it’s more rare. It comes occasionally in moments and doesn’t last as such (although happy periods are wonderful to look back on with real pleasure). But on the whole contentment wins hands down. No drama, no anxiety, just ‘acceptance’ somehow of the status quo with a pinch of gratitude for such well being.

Yes, life continues to change and we have to adapt to it and it seems so difficult.
Think Easter is a difficult time as so many are off on a holiday somewhere with other people.
I can't do much now as my knees are painful and my balance bad.
My family's here at the moment but they are disappearing off soon.
I have to concentrate on what improves my state of mind. Other than cakes and sweets.

Try life without any family!

I do not know what I would have done without GN. I have just met two GNs for coffee, and I email three others regularly. I also meet others for coffee or lunch, but the lurgies going around have put paid to that.

My cat died two years ago and I am too old to care for another.

A good word Lathyrus3. … contentment.

Yes, indeed. I remember someone wishing me contentment once years ago as she said happiness could not be expected all the time and joy was occasional.

As DGC become teenagers, they tend to spend days with friends and, although they're always pleased to see us they don't need looking after any more and 'sleepovers' are at friends not at Granny's.
No more trips to farm parks or to feed the new born lambs ☹

Could you get an older rescue cat, Charleygirl, rather than a kitten?

Yes I arrange coffees and lunches with fiends but feel I am usually if not always the prime mover.

Are your friends happy to accept your invitations? If so then the fact you're invariably the organiser is not a bad thing really, as you get to decide where to go!
(Obviously with due regard as to what other people are able to do).

I used to get annoyed with my husband as he never makes any suggestions or arranges our holidays, then one year I realised that meant we went where I wanted to!
He's not fussy, I am 😏

Well said V3ra in finding the positives in your situation!

RisieandherMaw so sorry to read that you are feeling blue. I hope you feel brighter soon.