GN makes me lonelier

kittylester

I think the GM thread has changed from the early days of GN.

It used to be very matter of fact - the weather and planned happenings during the day. Now, it is much more chatty and responsive. Obviously, things evolve but I'm not very comfortable being there nowadays.

I have been on it for eleven years and do agree the dynamics have changed.
However, I think it has mainly become more supportive and not so impersonal.

flappergirl

Elvera1

Hi Rosie
I was widowed unexpectedly 7 months ago. I’ve got two teenage girls that now I’m bringing up alone,, but I still feel incredibly lonely. The girls are getting older now but still need me to be around to keep an eye on them.
I’m still working as I’m mid 50’s, which keeps me busy to a point, but not having my lovely DH to spend time with or chat to, it hurs. Everyone else seems busy don’t they, making plans etc.

I read the Good Morning thread too every day, I enjoy reading it. I don’t post as I haven’t got anything of interest to say. So I totally get where you’re coming from.

So sorry Elveral. I was widowed quite suddenly in my fifties too. That was nine years ago but it still seems like yesterday. Sending you love and strength.

Thank you Flappergirl. Some days are easier than others as you know.

Elvera1

Hi Rosie
I was widowed unexpectedly 7 months ago. I’ve got two teenage girls that now I’m bringing up alone,, but I still feel incredibly lonely. The girls are getting older now but still need me to be around to keep an eye on them.
I’m still working as I’m mid 50’s, which keeps me busy to a point, but not having my lovely DH to spend time with or chat to, it hurs. Everyone else seems busy don’t they, making plans etc.

I read the Good Morning thread too every day, I enjoy reading it. I don’t post as I haven’t got anything of interest to say. So I totally get where you’re coming from.

So sorry Elveral. I was widowed quite suddenly in my fifties too. That was nine years ago but it still seems like yesterday. Sending you love and strength.

Kate54

Perhaps we need a light-hearted ‘boring morning’ thread to level things out a bit.
My contribution today would have been ‘Took a broken mop, an old picture frame and some worn out windscreen wiper blades to the tip. Considered clearing out the cupboard under the stairs. But didn’t.’

Now, you see, to me that sounds an exciting day! I love going to the dump. There’s usually a cross section of folk there, sometimes someone I know to chat to, and quite often there’s a to-do about someone throwing the wrong thing into a skip and staff have to become involved! All life is at the skip, evidenced by the fact that the car in front of me recently was a Bentley.

I think the GM thread has changed from the early days of GN.

It used to be very matter of fact - the weather and planned happenings during the day. Now, it is much more chatty and responsive. Obviously, things evolve but I'm not very comfortable being there nowadays.

Hellogirl1 a poignant post. 💐
and not boring at all, just sorrowful.

I get where you are coming from. Life is a bit challenging at times but please keep posting on GM. I enjoy your posts and sending a big hug to you ❤️

One of my friends leads a very full life. She teaches Yoga and Pilates, belongs to a Book Group, goes on a lot of outings with U3A , and lunches with friends. But she tells me she finds the evenings on her own very lonely.

I was sitting at home yesterday thinking about the day stretching ahead of me until my son came home from work. First his ex came in with my youngest grandson for a quick visit and after they left my daughter arrived with the middle grandson so we sat down with tea and biscuits. By the time she left I was thinking "Aren't I ever going to get some time to myself?" Some of us just aren't ever satisfied are we?

My family suggested I went on their blended family (British/Columbian) WhatsApp, I was reluctant but then said Yes. I’m so pleased I did because I see photos which I would normally miss. I posted the photo of a charity shop buy which I was pleased with. I try to decipher some of the messages in Spanish and write a few simple replies in Spanish.

My youngest grandson asked me to post couple of photos I had taken of him and his brother. It’s fun and I feel included.

Just to say, having a partner who worked shifts, there was rarely " We" . There were no weekends, no bank holidays, 24 hours at Christmas.

Just a thought.

Maw, I can empathise with you. You lost your lovely Paw not all that long after I was widowed. I wasn`t alone, my eldest, disabled daughter was living with me, plus Mia the cat was still around.
Then Mia died, Billy arrived, life wasn`t TOO bad.
Then last October, Billy had to be put to sleep suddenly, and I thought life couldn`t get sadder, but then in November my daughter died very suddenly, and I truly was alone for the first time in my life.
I`ve never been good at making friends, I think people find me boring. My remaining 3 (from 5) adult children look after me, but they can`t be here all the time, although they do all live locally. And I`ve just adopted an 11 and a half year old cat, Candy, hopefully she`ll converse with me when she`s more settled. So, although I kept moaning to myself that I was lonely, hopefully I will be less so now.
Sorry if this post was boring.

There was a 'feeling lonely' thread not long ago. Very helpful to know there are other people out there feeling the same.
I still have my DH and it reminds me to appreciate him although he irritates me at times.
My life is shrinking though, no longer have the car and travel is an effort now.
Hope people can reach out and make friends and have some fun over Easter.

RosieandherMaw

To me, "we" automatically suggests thete ia someone else with you - partner, significant other, sibling, adult child.

Of course it could refer to the guinea pigs.

But when its"I" its pretty obvious.

Yes, a partner. But do not assume life is all rosey with said partner.

Am watching Gardeners’ World and the iPad has picked up Adam Frost!

Dear*Maw*, you sum up so accurately come what ir is like to no longer have any real purpose in life. I still refer to “we” because for sixty years I was part of a pair and still am. Despite being a very independent only child the hole in the centre of my life cannot be filled. Like you, I have very down days which I cannot share because, as an old friend once observed, nobody likes a miserable old woman.

Thank goodness tomorrow is another day. The ground is really

GrannyGravy13

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a poor me day

Of course, we all do.

Some wash windows to take the edge off.

In terms of a regular morning post I thought that was why there was a Soop's Kitchen thread which often opens with "It's a cloudy day in (eg) North Essex " and posters go on to say what the weather's like where they are and what plans they have for the day. But as I haven't looked at those threads for a long time perhaps they have changed.

Perhaps a forum where people completely on their own can post might be worth proposing to GN HQ.

That was in reply to M0nica's post.

RosieandherMaw

escaped

Why shouldn't people post about what they do, without being criticised or made to feel bad because their lifeappearsto be better than others? I think it is unfair to have a pop at theGMthread.
👏 👏 👏
I don't think the word better is the problem, but maybe fuller? Simply because there is another person around for them to share it with.

WAS anybody having a pop at the GM thread?
I certainly wasn't but just said I no longer contribute to it.
That did not imply criticism

Maw, I was not referring to you. You should know me better than that!

Yes, that last is true but until you experience the loss of a beloved spouse you cannot understand how the pain of that can be reactivated, even years later, by something that others may regard as insignificant and not understand the significance of it to you.

The “We” thing chimes with me because after DH died, I realised that almost all our friends were couples. They were kind to me but when you now go out as a group of three instead of four, five instead of six, seven instead of eight, and because they are all talking in terms of We - We did this … We are planning to do that … it made me feel even more acutely that he was gone and I was now alone.

There was no malice in what they did; it’s just a pronoun. I’m sure DH and I had spoken that way too but you don’t realise it at the time and what affect it might be having on people who are single especially the newly bereaved - or even long-term bereaved. That feeling that someone special is missing never really goes away - even after twenty years. There isn’t much we can do about it. We don’t want people tip-toeing around us but it can bite nonetheless.

I think Maw is resilient too, as am I
But that can lead to isolation and loneliness too
🤷‍♀️

Bea65

M0nica your perspective is of a married person..and you always sound super confident..when you’re single/widowed or never had close family connections, it’s totally alienating at times to read about others much more fulfilled lives…

RosiendherMaw just read thru some of my posts and you will understand how I feel about life in general ATM ..
Wishing you brighter days and other GNs who feel out of sorts 💐

I am so sorry you misunderstand me. I am not super confident, but I am super resilient. This is the result of problems I had as a child that left me feeling that there was nobody on my side except me, and nobody I could look to for understanding but myself. It has meant that as an adult I am very unwilling to ever depend entirely on other people for my happiness or sense of self.

Confidence is, anyway, a confidence trick. Most people who appear confident are doing just that. They have discovered that no matter how unsure and lacking in confidence they may be. If they appear to be confident, that is all they need. I certainly discovered that, quite early.

My life has had as many failures and tragedies as other peoples, but I have never placed all my eggs in one basket and it frightens me when I see people making their well being entirely dependent on their family, or their husband or something else. If they do that, when things breaks down their whole life is devastated. And a lot of this thread tells that story to a greater or lesser extent.

I realise that the OP is probably having a down day, and that is something I think we all have. But more generally I think we need to learn to depend only on ourselves to make our satisfaction in life, not other people.

( prostrates herself in agonies of despair and dons a hirsute )

Grannylynj

Don’t use it then
Simples

Lack of empathy is what makes lots of people lonely.

It doesn’t take much effort to imagine how someone else feels and it doesn’t take any effort at all to be kind

Don’t use it then
Simples