Old Age is a Country

Romola it is true that true joy dies when our life's partner dies.
But contentment shouldn't be underrated and is something we can teach ourselves. It has taken me a very long time, but there are times now when I really do feel it.
I like the sound of the words "An Attitude of Gratitude" and I use them as a sort of mantra when I'm feeling down. There's the obvious happiness of knowing that all our children have grown into adults to be proud of and watching our grandchildren doing the same, but there are the little things. For instance, I love the view from my garden room windows over fields and water to distant hills, and always try not to take that for granted. And I take a ridiculous amount of pleasure from sitting on the bench beside the little pond in my garden and trying to count the goldfish - it's a great pleasure on a sunny afternoon.
And by the way thank you to those of you who said you liked my colourful room - those colours make me feel happy too.
I am frightened now that dying is not such a remote prospect, I won't pretend I'm not, but as there's nothing I can do about it I just have to hang onto my attitude of gratitude.

Taichinan

FGT my son gave me that poem in the form of a booklet for my 60th birthday almost 24 years ago! I still don't wear purple - that's an old person's colour 😉 - but I wear every other colour under the sun. My home is colourful too - some people might say they need sunglasses to enter 😂

Your home looks beautiful! I too have a bright and cheerful home. Not as colourful as yours but with plenty of light furniture and nice cushions. Most of my furniture comes from The Cotswold Company. They do have some gorgeous stuff!

RosieandherMaw

And widowhood is a foreign country in which we find ourselves unwilling immigrants.

Got to live with them both though

My feelings too.

Actually I think it’s natural, as we move towards the end of our lives to feel in some way that we have had enough. Maybe natures way of preparing us to let go.
A bit like pregnancy when you have loved what is happening but then your body and mind just reach that feeling of ‘enough”.
I don’t think we should worry when that feeling comes as long as it’s a feeling for a job well done, and nearly completed.

Having said that Romola I do understand the loss of that one person who made life joyful and how hard it can be to carry on without them. 💐

As I said in another thread what I seek now is contentment.

I have so many advantages: loving DS and DD and 2 GC, though not nearby; many good friends, now sadly reducing; no money worries; interesting and meaningful volunteering as a befriender; really good health for my age, 80 thus summer. I should be grateful.
But - sorry if this upsets anyone - there is no true joy without my DH. I tell people that we had a ridiculous amount of fun (we did) but I mean joy.
Last summer I was very ill and weak following two operations, and truly I would have been quite glad to have died.
But I'm back to my previous fit and healthy self, better than most of my school friends, all turning 80 this year.
Of course, I know this could change very suddenly. I just feel I've had my life, thank you, and don't need any more.

So very true. In younger years I would repeat the mantra that old age is not for cissies but I know now that I didn't really understand. So much older now, I do!

Thank you, Win, for the hugs and love. It is really difficult. The grief is exhausting, dealing with the loss of my Husband through suicide.

Rosieandhermaw* So true. There is no Sat Nav for either.

I just live as able as possible through all the various stages of life any age can feel unusual or different but you just get on getting on don’t you ?

MooM00

I feel as if I have been propelled into old age. My husband took half of me the day he took his own life 2 years ago.

So, so very sad to read this. hugs and love coming your way, it is hard losing them any way, but suicide is the hardest of all. I sadly know that only too well.

I agree with you Madeline, the hardest thing is not knowing how you are going to be on any particular day. It makes organising anything a minefield.

I feel as if I have been propelled into old age. My husband took half of me the day he took his own life 2 years ago.

I have found 2 books by Dr. Lucy Pollock helpful in navigating this’new country’. ‘ The Book about Getting Older ‘- for people who don’t want to talk about it , and ‘ The Golden Rule’ -Lessons in living from a doctor of ageing’.

I am now 79 and a widow living alone. Whilst intellectually accepting that I am older (not old!) I still find that in some circumstances my body or my mind tends to forget. Allowing enough time to walk somewhere as I am now, is both frustrating and irritating, as have always been a fast walker up previously . . I plan some journey and of course in the car that still matches but I know how long it used to take me to visit somewhere , or walk along a promenade or whatever, and have to remind myself to add on a fair bit longer these days. On bad days I know however much better that cafe upstairs is, I would struggle to get up the stairs, so it has to wait for a better day.

I think the hardest thing is to now have to be vague or put a sort of condition on arrangements. So I would suggest a visit to the coast or up the dales to a friend and we would make a picnic and off we would go. These days I always have to put in the proviso that my back will allow me to do whatever it is, so have to be able to ring up and have a rain check on the date if I am having a tough day, but I hate having to admit defeat, and would rather go equipped with my binoculars, so that whilst I cant walk with the others I can look at birds, shipping or get a closer view of blossom up the dale.
Still as the saying goes better than the alternative!

RosieandherMaw

And widowhood is a foreign country in which we find ourselves unwilling immigrants.

Got to live with them both though

Very true!!!

lafergar

Sadly, somebody tore up my map.

I hope and trust you can find a fellow traveller near you who is able and willing to share their map with you.

I fell into conversation the other day with another widow who, like me, was bringing flowers to her husband's grave - it really helped us both.

I do so hope you somewhere can find someone like the lady I met.

Your room looks very welcoming Taichinan

I am grateful for the words on here. I wish DH had been spared so we could have aged together but it wasn't meant to be.

My own DM was widowed at 39, had a very full and active life and died at 93.

She occasionally felt self pity and loneliness but she often said she didn't feel any different inside her head from when she was 18.

Some lovely poignant posts here.💕

Taichinan - that’s a lovely room !

So many wise words here… all very comforting. I feel getting old is like learning a new skill…

Yep- life is a series of ups and downs isn't it? I remember when my DD was born and I went to buy myself a new outfit and thought, 'I'm old now so I better change my style!'

When I reached 60 I thought, 'I'm old now so I'll change my hairstyle.'

When I finished work and claimed my pension I thought, 'I'm not working anymore so I'd better live on a budget.'

The thing is- I don't feel old at all. I am manging fine thankyou jjust being myself- wearing what I like, doing what I want with my hair and spending too much!

Just living my life until it's over- isn't that what we all do?

Recently my DD said I was getting old- I just turned round and said, 'So are you.'

We're all going the same way...

That's exactly it Whitewave! Old age is part of living - and aren't we lucky to get this far.

Old age to me is a pretty familiar territory, after watching, caring for and listening to my mother who died at 101.

I learned a lot from that, and whilst time is whizzing far too quickly, I actually don’t mind getting older.

It is part of living.

Old age is better than the alternative.

I struggle with an older body - health-wise and looks-wise. Even though anyone who guesses my age seems to normally put it at 10 years younger than I am.

But I still won't look in mirrors if I can possibly help it - as I was used to seeing an attractive woman looking back at me. She seems to have vanished and I'm seeing someone very different to that now and I don't like the look of her.

It's giving one's body a mental kick up the backside from pulling health problems on you that you wonder if you're going to be able to get rid of - as other people seem to think you arent and you must resign yourself to that thing called "chronic illness" - err...nope.

It's thinking "I'm not going to that class/event/whatever - as it's specifically there for older people. I self-identify as either middle-aged or hundreds of thousands of years old (ie taking into account all the lives I've had - aka reincarnation). I certainly don't identify as the age my body is currently.