Old Age is a Country

Oh so true! And walking isn’t always as easy as it used to be.. 😩

And widowhood is a foreign country in which we find ourselves unwilling immigrants.

Got to live with them both though

A double whammy Maw. 😢

It's an interesting metaphor, and as said, you just have to live with the passing of time. Nothing can be done to slow it down.
But, I've lived with myself long enough to know how I will probably cope now I've reached mid 60's. Hopefully I'll remain true to my existing personality and interests. Just because it's a different country, I'll still be me and new challenges will come along to keep me sharp. I guess it's the sudden unexpecteds that might throw me more as I enter this foreign country

Sadly, somebody tore up my map.

I have grown into older age since being widowed as I was 45 now nearly 67. My mom always said older never old . Both states are a foreign country Rosie and Fried . But you can still have a good life just different. But grief can still be bone crushing at times. But then so can health problems that only get worse getting older.

You just have to learn different ways to cope with both . But do things your way no matter how odd it may seem to other people. But live your life to the full . My husband wanted me to live the best life I can and since I moved here 5.5 years ago I do. But took me until I was 61.to do it. He would have been 68 in February.

My dad always said no such word as can't. It's not easy but live a full life as we know some children and adults don't to get a chance as they die far to young . Enjoy the now and plan for the future the past is gone but we still have the memories . And need to keep our minds and bodies as active as we can . I know I owe it to my husband. And have kept every promise he made me keep he was a wise man and knew what I needed to live without him .
🌹🌹To you both

Never heard that quote before but a google tells me it should be “Old Age is a foreign country.” I don’t like it. I hate feeling older.

I much prefer L P Hartley’s quote “The Past is a foreign country. They do things differently there.” I have watched the film The Go Between countless times and those words echo in my mind.

It isn't a quote, although it may be a witty play on the original. He writes about the topic and speaks at events.

The quote resonates with me. I’m in my late 70s, dealing with various conditions/ disabilities, trying to find my way and wishing that younger people could visit this land now and then and maybe understand what it’s really like.

Like Whiff, widowhood aged me too. Obviously the shock and trauma of it took its toll but also the absence of the one person who really "gets" you. No matter how good your day has been, you never get over the void of coming home to an empty house and not having that person (or anyone) to share it with.

It is what it is. It comes to us all so we must take it in our stride if we are lucky enough to get that far.

Many don’t.

Yes, as Mark Twain said, "do not complain about growing old, it is a privilege denied to many." As for it being g a foreign country, my knees don't like it here.

Well, I’ve always enjoyed travelling and new places😬 I’m finding the country of old age quite a satisfying, relaxed place on the whole, even if I’m hobbling through it .One where I don’t have any responsibilities and all the big stuff is over and done with.

I once heard a very moving talk from a religious leader with a verse from the Psalms
“How shall we sing the Lords song in a strange land.”

Old age was one aspect he spoke on and widowhood another. There were others too.

All life is a journey.

Isn’t this a version of May Sarton’s: Old Age is a Foreign Country from 1997? It’s not a new theme and has been explored in many novels including the later chapters of William Boyd’s Any Human Heart which, looking at book threads here, many people have read.

There’s an alternate view expressed by Ann Richardson in this piece:

sixtyandme.com/old-age-not-another-country/

She says: Yes, there are aspects of my life that are different, but I don’t feel that I am wandering in a strange land. And there is a great deal that is very much the same.

You get used to one thing, absorb that, and start getting used to another. There are very few shocks involved, in the absence of a significant death or illness, which is another matter altogether.

Is it so very different from the transition from childhood to adulthood when we start having to be responsible for looking after ourselves, going to work, managing the bills etc.

Like Clough I was a hill walker. I no longer have the stamina to do that and, while I miss it, other pleasures have taken its place.

So while I understand what Clough is saying in Oldenland:

Whilst there are a lot of books that cover the topic of 'how to have a good death', there is little that offers us advice on the time period that comes before that. How do we learn to actually be old? How do we spend our later years in a meaningful way that makes sense of who we've been and who we are now? Not in blithely positive denial in the face of our physical and cognitive decline, or overtaken with regret of a life that's running down the clock, but empowered to not lose who we are; to say 'I am still me'. And, if we have not yet arrived at its borders, how can we better understand those who live there, and better prepare ourselves for a future when we will become citizens too?

I just see older age as another phase of my life in the same country. It’s rather refreshing in some respects not to have to worry about many of the things that concerned me when I was younger.

Old age is when your middle aged younger child gently admonishes you for not finishing the food on your plate and you feel the almost imperceptible shifting of the sand beneath your feet - that reversal of roles…….! She knows I won’t go gentle into that good night though😁!

Greyduster

Old age is when your middle aged younger child gently admonishes you for not finishing the food on your plate and you feel the almost imperceptible shifting of the sand beneath your feet - that reversal of roles…….! She knows I won’t go gentle into that good night though😁!

Or beng shepherded carefully through the London Underground with warnings not to get too close to the edge, when Id been riding the tube years before he was born 😬🙄

flappergirl we are the lucky ones we found the other half of ourselves the only person who knew the real us and us them . Loved unconditionally and we loved them in return and no matter what happened in our lives they where there and we for them. But when they took their last breath half of us died to and haven't been whole since .

But some people live their whole lives and never have what we did . Grief like love never dies . My grief for my husband is worse as the years go by but my love for him has never dimmed. I have talked out loud to him every day even swore at him and blamed him for leaving me alone. After a rant I see him with that stupid grin on his face as if to say feel better now. We did argue but never went to sleep without saying I love you . Our children where told everyday we loved them . Until I moved here I heard him drop his briefcases in the porch at 6.30 and shout hello Whiff and I would say hello Hubs . Our home became a house the moment he died ..He was home . But moving here I got a home again . But he is always with me in my mind and heart.

Widowhood is hard but I know my husband would have gone to pieces if I had died first. He was bad enough when I spent anytime in hospital. Even when I spent a week in a London hospital he was at work for 6am finished at 5pm went home to see the children for a hour and drove the 3 hours to see me for 2 hours then home again had dinner went to bed but was at work again at 6am. I kept telling him not to come I was being looked after well but he still came. I was worried he would have a accident. But that was my man . So that's how I know he wouldn't have coped if I died first.

Same with my dad if mom had died first both my brother and me knew he would pine away and he wouldn't have lasted 6 months .

Sorry OP veered from your topic but felt I had to reply to flappergirl and if anyone has read my posts know I ramble on but that's me in real life 😁

Man to boy who kept teasing him.

"As you are now I once was.
As I am now so you will be."

The boy didn't tease again.

I like to think that I have embraced old age and widowhood with the same determination that my mother did.
She was widowed at 44 and then again at 75 she then lived on to 101.
I am now 87 , last week I travelled alone from Stockport to London, was met by my 59 year old D and then traveled on to W Sussex.
2 full days out and then the journey in reverse.
My D wants me to do it all again in August.
I initially said no but now I am thinking about it.
It really is a frame of mind but good health and good genes are essential.

Having just seen Lathyrus’s post I will admit to taking a taxi from Euston to Victoria, the tube was a step too far.

A taxi’s always a nice treat😁

If we're spared to experience it, old age is a natural progression. I must say I'm enjoying it so far - it's certainly much easier to bear than widowhood. I had that thrown at me 31 years ago when I was 52 and DH was killed in a road accident.
I'm lucky at the age of 83 to be reasonably fit and with no apparent health worries, and still able to follow my main interest as a tai chi instructor. So my slide into older age has been gradual, just one little step at a time. I find it best not to think about what more than likely lies ahead and just go on enjoying each today.
As to old age being a foreign country? I suppose if it is, then we would travel full of interest and embrace each new experience - that has to be it!

When I go shopping with my DS and family they are always way ahead of me. I don’t feel my age but my joints won’t let me move fast these days. My son will stop and smile and say “come on mother catch up with us.” I know I’m not the fit young woman I was but at least I’m still here. Some don’t have the privilege of growing older so I am grateful for each day aches and pains and all.

"... there is good news yet to hear and fine things to be seen,
Before we go to Paradise by way of Kensal Green".
G K Chesterton

When I stop believing that, then I'll start believing I'm really old and ready to stop navigating my way around the new country.