How do you spend your Sundays?

HelterSkelter1

There are 2 points of view here and 2 sets of answers.
One is what to do when you have lost your spouse/partner and have no family close by or at all. The other is what to do when you are alone for a day as partner is working away/playing golf etc. But they will be coming home at some stage. Two different situations especially when the bereavement is recent.
The answers where there is little "empathy or kindness" are looking at it from the not totally alone situation. Better had 2 separate threads been opened. Sympathies to those alone not by choice. But there have been some good suggestions. Although taking up wild swimming in your 50s or evn 60s is probably fine. Not so good in 70s and 80s. Especially in some of our coastal waters.

Thank you HelterSkelter you at least “get it”.
Hearing about cosy lunches with “hubby” or exhortations to join U3A or do “ crafting” (shudder) also pretty irrelevant.
I don’t need to do an online course (I could deliver one) - or start volunteering in fact after 7 years of being a widow I don’t need any advice at all. Empathy is something else however.
Advice however well meant doesn’t change the situation.
Try asking an amputee to “hop along” after losing a leg or say “get a grip”with their one remaining arm.

Try asking somebody living alongside persistent depression to buck up and join things.

Exactly

It’s a relief to see that those good old ‘some posters’ can recognise the huge differences between being alone all the time and feeling it so much on Sundays, is miles apart from an occasional treat when ‘hubby’ takes himself off for a few hours. Since mr I died, I’ve sometimes felt alone when in a group. Get togethers with loved family or friends can heighten my awareness that he just isn’t here and never will be

I live a good life. I’m blessed with daughters, sisters and good friends. I count my blessings. My heart aches for others here who are isolated. Telling women in their later years to go wild swimming or take up craft - seriously ? Please don’t assume that all those things and more haven’t been tried.

Perhaps some underwater crafting? Knit your own friendly Church? Create a popup food van in your garden?

Well it's Sunday tomorrow folks- will be a lovely sunny day and I'll be on my own again.

Maybe I should plan to do some painting, gardening as well as the dreaded food shopping. Anyway I will be going to Mass first and maybe for a coffee afterwards- who knows? Let's see...

If someone has depression then they are ill and that is something else entirely.

None of us have much, if any, control, over the events that hit us in life, but we do have control over how we respond to them.

We do have control over how we
Manage and respond to things that happen. I’d defy anyone to sail through caring for a loved one and their death without finding some days or events a bit of a challenge

Something which hit me some months after Paw died was going to and leaving family events on my own .
The other grandparents came as couples, aunts came with uncles, my daughters came with their husbands, even my unmarried sisters in law came and left together. Yes it was lovely being together with them but as Iam64 said, you can still feel lonely surrounded by other people and these are just such occasions.
And as Ziggy says, feeling like a spare wheel at another family’s table - however kindly meant- can rub it in.

I'm not sure depression is an illness.

keepingquiet

Well it's Sunday tomorrow folks- will be a lovely sunny day and I'll be on my own again.

Maybe I should plan to do some painting, gardening as well as the dreaded food shopping. Anyway I will be going to Mass first and maybe for a coffee afterwards- who knows? Let's see...

Enjoy Mass and coffee. Have a wonderful sunny day!!

Tomorrow we'll go to early Mass and from then on I'll be on my own as this is a very acive time for my husband's business.

I'm going to walk the dog several times. Make a new (to us) time consuming recipe which I think sounds interesting. I have to adjust for vegan ingredients, as I follow recipes carefully that interests me.

I hope to read about our new Pope, wisdom to hopefully pass along during cooking sessions I teach to those who use our Church foodbank. Old fashioned lentil soup - good protein, frugal, easy in one pot.

Sunday I'd like to garden too - I hope you enjoy your garden.

Sunday tomorrow and I have charged up my e bike. I would like to be going on a long ride, there are hills and up past a windmill, I need battery help for that. I may or may not go down to the levels and then back up a very steep hill. Lovely views and being alone I can choose the route to suit me

I will make a delicious salad before I go and get a scone out of the freezer, so I have an afternoon treat to look forward to

lafergar

I'm not sure depression is an illness.

Feeling depressed isn't an illness but having depression is.

Sometimes people don't know the difference.

You may have a runny nose because you just cried at a soppy film but a runny nose may also indicate you have the flu...

I am not depressed and I don't have depression. I'm just an older person that feels a bit lonely sometimes, almost always on a Sunday...

This thread has reminded me of Sundays when DH was still here. A companionable day with walks together and lots to chat about. I would bake in the afternoon and we would sit in the conservatory with tea and cake in the evening.
Those days are long gone now and Sundays just have to be endured sometimes.

Feeling depressed isn't an illness but having depression is.

Do you think it's like a Venn diagram with an intersection in the middle?

Sorry for hijacking the thread.

AGAA4

This thread has reminded me of Sundays when DH was still here. A companionable day with walks together and lots to chat about. I would bake in the afternoon and we would sit in the conservatory with tea and cake in the evening.
Those days are long gone now and Sundays just have to be endured sometimes.

I’d always bake a fruit cake as mr i loved them. It’s the companionable Sunday walks I miss the most.
I’m not depressed, thank the heavens. I’m bereaved and managing all that goes with that to the best of my ability.

Tomorrow, Sunday, I’m taking my daft young lab on a day long training event - Perfect Recall. It’s held on huge fields in the beautiful Lancashire hill land. Sheep too far up land to be a temptation. I’m looking forward to it and hoping my lad manages with dogs he doesn’t know in closer proximity. If not, we’ll be coming home 🐕😇. He was mr i’s dog, a huge male lab to keep him company as he lived happily into his 90’s. Now he’s my dog - not one I’d have chosen for this stage of my life but - we supported each other through our grief. Dogs grieve as well and they can’t rationalise it they just feel it

Iam64 I hope your young lab does well on the training course. What a lovely companion for you. I love labradors.

At the moment I am sitting in the shade grinning and listening my neighbours children and their chatter. One (aged 9] has decided to sacrifice himself “for the greater good” (I have no idea) whilst his younger brother is very cross because elder brother has penalised him with 2 yellow cards.

Now grandma is going to be sung to with her requests. They are now trying to decide who sings what the best. One just asked (as an aside) if they would be paid for helping to clean the car (answer- no)

Childhood is a joy.

We did a Boot Fair thismorning, sitting out in the sunshine people watching and dispaosing of lots of clutter, and I have just come in after having cut the lawn. I saw a weather forecast saying there may be heavy rain tomorrow and I am feeling very pleased with myself.

My Sunday has been the same but a bit different to my usual.
First of all I did go food shopping, but I went to a different supermarket which is a little further away but a nicer drive.
I would say the gloom cloud I gather when I go past my childhood home just didn't appear because I avoided going that way.
So, something to bear in mind.
I was tempted to go in the cafe but resisted and made myself a light lunch at home instead.
Yes, there were a few families out and about as usual but I put some music on and didn't give them head space.
I spent some time looking ahead to this evening and so have found a few films worth watching.
Then I went out inot the garden and did some tidying and later I will plant some bedding and give eveything a good water.
I can't say I have 'enjoyed' my day but I have embraced the peace and had a relaxing one. Peaceful because my neighbours have been out!
Hope your day has been equally 'enjoyable.'
It's Monday tomorrow!

AGAA4 - thanks. I’m enjoying a glass of white wine after a successful day. Our focus was perfect recall, he was brilliant. He’s a sensitive lad for reasons I (and better yet) the trainers understand. He coped so well being in fairly close proximity to to dogs he didn’t know, including a yappy jack russell, usually his nemesis after being attacked twice by these little terrorists.
So a good Sunday, up on the hills overlooking Manchester and Rochdale, open countryside with sheep, cattle and horses wrought us. 🐕🌞🌞🌞

RosieandherMaw

Something which hit me some months after Paw died was going to and leaving family events on my own .
The other grandparents came as couples, aunts came with uncles, my daughters came with their husbands, even my unmarried sisters in law came and left together. Yes it was lovely being together with them but as Iam64 said, you can still feel lonely surrounded by other people and these are just such occasions.
And as Ziggy says, feeling like a spare wheel at another family’s table - however kindly meant- can rub it in.

I found myself bending over backwards to be undemanding and easy going at family events but I soon realised I was taking it too far.

DD and DSiL celebrated their 25th Wedding anniversary shortly after DH died. We all decamped to a large, absolutely gorgeous Air B&B in Norfolk. As the bedrooms were all doubles (en-suite) I thought it would be considerate to let the couples have them and I’d be quite happy in a cosy snug type room with a sofa bed - it was conveniently next door to a bathroom.

Big mistake!! It had French Windows leading out to the gardens and no locks.
My immediate family were fine but DD’s in laws marched in and out willy nilly as though I didn’t exist.

Of course I put up with it. Nothing in the world would have made me do or say anything to upset the apple cart but I vowed I would never be Granny on the sofa bed again! 😂

I think today is one of the few Sundays I have been on my own. Usually go to one kid’s house or the other for Lunch. On lovely days like this, they take their little ones out to the beach, parks or similar. So, no invite. I don’t blame them for taking advantage of the good weather. My daughter has grown up children, who are probably out with their bf/gf. and she is, I guess, sleeping off her Saturday night extravagances 😂.

Merlotgran 😂

keepingquiet Peaceful because my neighbours have been out! Hope your day has been equally 'enjoyable.'

Lovely day. I'm glad you had a nice day.

Church, and attempting delicious new lentil recipe to teach.

Bon Appetit, October 2021 Issue
Fried Lentils and Bratwurst
By Abra Berens
September 14, 2021

Fried Lentils and Bratwurst (I omit bratwurst)

1 cup black or French green lentils
2 small sprigs rosemary, leaves finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
¼tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
⅓ cup (or more) plus 2 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
Zest and juice of 1 lemon
4 bratwurst
1 small head of cauliflower (about 1½ lb.), broken into large florets, florets sliced as thinly as possible

Step 1
Cook lentils in a large saucepan of simmering salted water until tender but still firm, 20–25 minutes. Drain; transfer to a medium bowl. Let cool; pat dry.

Step 2
Place rosemary, garlic, and red pepper flakes in a large bowl. Heat ⅓ cup oil in a large skillet over medium-high until it begins to shimmer. Pour oil over aromatics in bowl; reserve skillet. Let sit 10 minutes, then whisk in lemon zest and juice; season rosemary mojo with salt.

Step 3 (I omit)
Meanwhile, heat remaining 2 Tbsp. oil in reserved skillet over medium-high. Cook sausages, turning occasionally and pressing down so they are making good contact with the pan, until deeply browned and they have released some fat, 7–9 minutes total. Transfer to a plate.

Step 4
Add lentils to skillet and increase heat to high. Season with salt; cook, stirring occasionally, until most of the lentils are crisp, about 5 minutes.

Step 5
Add cauliflower to bowl with rosemary mojo and toss to coat. Taste and season with more salt if needed. Add lentils and toss again. Add more oil if needed.

Step 6
Divide lentil salad among plates and top with sausages. (I omit)