Not sure what I am expecting from this post, except perhaps to tell me to woman-up!
I am now 76, and I have faced some serious challenges over the past few years:
- many years of nursing my late husband through Parkinson's and dealing with all the complications of funding nursing home care at the end, which included the complex business of lodging an appeal - successfully, but massively stressful.
- bereavement
- loneliness
- moving house on my own and dealing with all that entailed. Initially I was selling to fund his care in a half-way decent home, but he died during the process. I did not know whether I was going to be able to continue paying his fees.
- all this was done during and shortly after covid which meant that the family support I needed was lessened.
- since his death (he was a doctor - so I miss his input!) I have been assailed by health problems.....complex heart problems - sinus node disease, heart attack, atrial fibrillation, and I have a stent and also recently a pacemaker; prolapsed disc leading to discectomy surgery, but I am still in pain and limited in what I can do; cataract surgery (with recent problems which will need further intervention); and it looks as though I might have some neurological problems as I have some numbness and weakness in my limbs.
- all this means that I am constantly out of breath, in pain, limited in mobility, unable to get exercise and facing the prospect that driving might become out of the question in the next few years - I live rurally and accept that I will need to bite the bullet and take taxis.
In general I do not think people are aware of how difficult things are for me and they are always telling me how young I looe - hereditary dark brown hair with no grey and an absence of wrinkles belies what is really going on! - I would settle for some grey hair and some wrinkles if it meant the rest of me worked properly!
The biggest downer is the fact singing has been my life and I am having to watch this fly out of the window. It is almost like losing my life, because this is who I am. The breathlessness is a huge factor in the singing problems. The pacemaker clinic showed me what happened to my heart on a day this May when I was conducting a choir and also singing and my heart rate went dangerously high. So I have just cancelled singing in a concert tomorrow evening and also in a concert in the Three Choirs Festival in July which I was so looking forward to.
I cannot go for a walk nor join in many of the village activities.
Right - that's the grumbling done! Here's the positives: I have loving family and kind friends, I use my computer to contribute to my community etc. (writing book reviews, designing publicity, being the village hall's booking person etc.) but the yawning gaps opening up in my life are seriously getting me down. Cancelling the concerts has brought it all home; and not knowing if I will be well enough to continue running the choir that I have run for 40 years is a blow.
I knew all this would some - but it seems too soon - I guess it always does!
I know that others are facing similar and would be interested to know how you keep your spirits up - a life soley sitting around and devoted to me is not a great prospect!
Over to you!
