Finding it hard to come to terms with the limitations on my life ....

Lucky girl, I’m sorry you are facing so many challenges. On a practical level and to keep your involvement in singing, if you play the piano, is accompanying a possibility? Could you volunteer to team up with a singing teacher to run people through their pieces pre-exams? Or maybe candidates could come to you to sing their pieces to a friendly critic from time to time?

I can’t give any advice Luckygirl, but these are for you.

Luckygirl13 thanks for sharing this with us. As I often say, it’s sucks, getting older. I used to like singing,too but my voice is definitely not what it was. I do sing loudly in church,though ,which sounds daft but a lot of us do and it feels like a little contribution. I am also the same age as you. I belong to quite a few groups and most of us are the same or worse than me but we enjoy going out for meals together and just chatting in general . I also belong to a bookgroup which is fun- sometimes the books are terrible but we have a few laughs at the various authors and wonder how they found a publisher.
Keep your chin up, as they say ! 🩷

Grannylynj

Won’t catch me regaling the world with my problems

A cruel, unnecessary and unhelpful comment in my view. If you can’t think of anything positive to say, then really, don’t bother.

Luckygirl, I send you hugs and hope that things may become easier for you. 💐

luckygirl I’m sorry you’re in such a sad place at the moment, can’t really offer any suggestions, apart from perhaps looking at the possibility of a mobility scooter? I’m struggling to cope with my garden at the moment so can imagine how frustrating and upsetting it is for you not to be able to sing, or carry on with your choir commitments.
?

You're clearly a very strong and resourceful woman; I bet the kind that whenever anything "needs doing", everybody turns to you to organise it. Well, it's time to retire superwoman , abandon anything that feels like an obligation , kick back in your chair and let others do the running.

Organising the choir group; conducting concerts, are too much for you. Tell them so, with immediate effect. Say you still want to enjoy the music and social side of being in the choir but from now on, you will only join in singing as much or as little as you feel able. You've earned this dispensation.

Now is the time to get your home re-organised for maximum convenience. Declutter. Can it accommodate a downstairs bedrrom and bathroom, walk in wide-door shower with seat and bars? Might the front door need a ramp rather than steps at the entrance?
Could part of your home be divided to (separately) accommodate a lodger whose rent includes some domestic support?
Do you have any solo friends you could share a home with and not go mad?

IF you foresee residential care in future; take a look at what choices are available. Visit them now while you still drive.

Make sure your will is up to date; organise Powers of attorney (financial and welfare) and your Advance Medical Directive.
Tell all your friends and family, in detail, exactly what your needs and wishes are.

I’ve read many of your posts Lucky and have been inspired by how you cope with what’s been thrown at you. I have minor mobility problems but I still wish I didn’t have them! I have another (embarrassing) problem that limits me. I would never, ever tell you to woman up because you do brilliantly and I just wish you could do all the things you want to. I’m lucky in that most of my hobbies I can do at home and alone. Just want to send you very best wishes and 💐. Also thanks for posting.

Luckygirl 3, have you tried doing gentle excercises in a warm pool? I have the same problem with getting breathless on exertion due to a couple of medical problems but I don't get breathless in the therapeutic pool.

Grannylynj

Won’t catch me regaling the world with my problems

Bully for you! Some people, for whatever reason, need the support and friendship offered on here by nearly everyone. There is always (at least) one who comes on here and looks down her nose at others. Recognise anyone??
My advice to you is, if you don’t want to ‘regale the world’ with your problems, is to stay well clear of lovely sites like this!
I was amazed and slightly perplexed by your post.

I, for one, am pleased that you have told us about your current issues. It helps others to know that things aren't hunky dory for everyone all the time. And, this is usually (!) a safe and caring space so keep talking to us.

I can't sing either, gramaretto, but I belong to a well being choir and I know I would hate not to be able to keep that up.

Sadly, I don't have a magic wand either but I do know that talking to us will help.

What stands out to me, is how much we expect of ourselves.

I think you are doing brilliantly, not to go under with all that back story.
Do you like the rural bit? I think yes, bite the bullet and use taxis.

This mught be daft but could you set up a music group in your village?

Oh Luckygirl I think you are amazing to have contended with so much, and still contending with massive health problems. All I can offer is a 🫂.

It's a tough time, accepting changes, Luckygirl, and you have had more than most. I hope that you can take some of the advice from here to help to improve things for you.
My mum resisted a wheelchair for a long time, but once she realised that she could access a coffee out, or a scoot around Marks and Spencers, she was quite the enthusiast.
Sending you a virtual hug.

Grrrr

Oh Luckygirl (flowers)
All the things you are feeling are valid, of course you feel sad. You are standing at the crossroads of one of life's big transitions and maybe you need to reframe the way you see things. Could you focus on passing on your abundance of skill to the next person who will continue your life's work with the choir?

"I cannot go for a walk nor join in many of the village activities."

I know that feeling and situation. When you can't go for a walk, you go for a scoot :-) It's fun actually. And at least gets you out and getting some fresh air. Or an alternative to a mobility scooter is a powerchair. Some of those can go up kerbs and handle all terrain so you can go anywhere from your door. The hardest bit I found is accepting using anything at all. I spent far too much time at home until I finally decided I didn't care if people saw me on a scooter or in a wheelchair. Then life opened up a bit. It is still activity. I would really like this one! Especially if living rurally (we do too).

glebemobility.co.uk/products/the-robooter-e60-pro-all-terrain-monster-folding-powerchair#

Whilst I would really much prefer to go for a walk, it is actually quite fun zooming on scooters and in powerchairs and you get there quicker!

I'm so sorry you have all this. It seems very unfair. All I can say is - things can improve. It is quite common to get serious health issues after a bereavement. I do think some things will start to heal and improve gradually and the hard thing is having to be patient with ourselves and giving it time - and during that time we don't have normal life. But maybe see this as "just for now". Not as having to give something up completely, but having a break from it (the singing). I can second a mobility scooter. Had to go through that myself over the last year. Now I enjoy it. However, if you're on your own there are practical aspects. Such as getting one in and out of a car, if you live rurally. Unlike living somewhere where you can just go straight out on a scooter and to the shops or whatever.

When did you last have a holiday? Because I'm a big believer in a holiday making a lot of things way better. Your fitness, your confidence, and having ideas. So my suggestion would be to have a good holiday now. And then take stock afterwards. I always have the best ideas on holiday.

And there are ways of having holidays even if you're not that fit.

Dear Luckygirl, i have observed your courage over the last difficult months and years and admired the way you have dealt with everything life has thrown at you. Losing your musical life is just one thing too many and and you are absolutely allowed to fell badly done to. I wish there was something helpful to say but you have every right to complain. Hope tomorrow brings a little light relief.

I am full of admiration for all you have achieved and coped with.
Luckygirl

I can't offer suggestions 😕. I can't sing!

‘I’ve ‘known’ you since the beginning of Gransnet, Luckygirl and always admired your ability to commit to your musical passion and achievements whilst coping with your DH’s complex illness, house move, his eventual death and another house move.
I was going through my own personal family tragedies at the same time but backed away from my love of choral singing as I lost my ability to cope with anything that triggers emotion.

I count myself very lucky that my health is good after having two seriously scary episodes. My lucky number clearly wasn’t up.

I have had to move to be close to DD2 which is lovely and I have made new friends but I sometimes struggle with my new life as it is so unfamiliar. I’ve made new friends and they couldn’t be nicer but there’s not that depth of friendship that I used to enjoy.

I immerse myself in the things I can do….leading an allotment group, helping to run a classical music appreciation group for U3A and gardening, cooking and reading. I may not be setting the world on fire but I’m contented (most of the time)

I’m sorry you feel so sad at losing the achievements that defined you but it does sound as though the yawning gaps are beginning to fill themselves.

Keep on bu**ering on, as the saying goes!

Luckygirl3

Grannylynj

Won’t catch me regaling the world with my problems

I hope very much that you have none.

You're too kind Luckygirl!
It was a very nasty post.

They say old age doesn't come on its own and thst's very true. I'm finding mobility difficult, thinking a knee replacement woul make me like a spring chicken but other problems have appeared since, so I can sympathise.

Not being able to continue with a hobby you love must be very difficult but can you still go to the concerts, or would that feel worse if you can't participate?

sending

merlotgran 😂😂😂

Grannylynj

Won’t catch me regaling the world with my problems

Good!
We don’t want to hear them!

Grannylynj

Won’t catch me regaling the world with my problems

I hope very much that you have none.

Grannylynj

Won’t catch me regaling the world with my problems

That was helpful.
Ever heard the saying if you can’t say anything nice then don’t bother?