Finding it hard to come to terms with the limitations on my life ....

Just walk on by.

Fidelity2

Count your blessings. Some pensioners were worried about losing their Winter fuel allowance !

And, added to all of Luckygirl's trials and tribulations, she lost her WFA as well.

She's just gone through the top two most stressful life events, bereavement and moving house as well as her own ill health. That is after her DH's long illness, and the stress of fighting for funding for his care. All during Covid with the isolation that inflicted on us all.

Perhaps you were posting on the wrong thread?

Fidelity2

Count your blessings. Some pensioners were worried about losing their Winter fuel allowance !

Well they shouldn't be, thy are getting it back.

However I think you have posted on the wrong thread.

Actually given the choice between losing my fuel allowance and having all the problems that the OP has. Managing without the fuel allowance wins hands down.

Fidelity2

Count your blessings. Some pensioners were worried about losing their Winter fuel allowance !

How silly. Have you read any of what OP posted?
She is a resilient and decent person who wanted to air her concerns.

Not very perceptive OR helpful Fidelity.
Luckygirl has been very honest and open about her feelings and experiences which many of us share. It can take courage to open up especially when you are feeling so vulnerable.
No doubt we can all count our blessings - we could be living in a Third World country or a war zone, but it doesn’t really make for empathy or support to be told it so bluntly.

Count your blessings. Some pensioners were worried about losing their Winter fuel allowance !

Hello Luckygirl3. I am very sorry to hear of the many difficulties and trials you have had to face. Like you I am much involved with music, both playing and singing in different groups. I also have sinus node dysfunction and a pacemaker, with breathlessness, as well as advanced facet joint degeneration and erosive osteoarthritis. Fortunately I can still enjoy the musical activities. I wonder if you could manage to continue singing, but drop the conducting and leadership aspects? That should reduce the pressure on you and possibly make it possible for your heart to beat more regularly during choir sessions, because you would only need to focus on sustaining your part rather than managing the whole choir. Just a thought. Wishing you well as you navigate the coming days

Luckygirl has helped a lot of us by her honesty.

Thinking of you Luckygirl and all going through difficult times

And a big 👍 for the retirement into bed with computer/music.chat as I have a small sunny bedroom over looking suburban (but not closed in) trees and gardens.

Milsa

I would say try to create spiritual space in yourself in your own home, just like the opera singers create space when they practice. I learnt it from a friend and this helped me immensely when we first lived in a small flat and I did all my reading, sofa activities and tv watching from one spot, the bed

I agree with this so much. It is serving me well, although tough to get there, although I'm tackling it alone - perhaps even more needful.

Yes it's to move forward any ways we can I saw Mel Robbins on This Morning she gave me motivation. Her book is out today I think it's Let Them or similar. She spoke about herself a few years ago when she was losing her house in debt and couldn't get out of bed, and then one day she just got fed up with herself so much and decided to do anything that she didn't want to do, to just put 1 foot in front of the other best she could, and just keep going. They ended up with it being very wealthy actually., but it really helped me because I could see there's no point in getting in my own way about it, just do the best I can. She had this trick instead of just keep thinking about it count from five down to one and do it. Sometimes you just need to hear the right thing that strikes the right cord for you.. sorry to rumble, but being able to relate to you, I found great solace today with her simple techniques. I think fear comes into a lot of things without realising it. I'm going to get her book hopefully on my new Kindle.😄

Could you still go along with the choir to support them , it could set a precedence for others in the future. I know it wouldn't be the same but the companionship would be.

Luckygirl3, I do admire you.You have always put in so much effort, enriched lives and been such a stalwart! Well done x

Such lovely kind posts - and so many brave women soldiering on however hard it gets - it is inspirational. Well done everyone!

So sorry you feel like that I can relate to some of that when I began to be in pain all the time and my operation was a failure and then I couldn't dance anymore, which was my passion, this has been the hardest thing. My spirits are very low because I can't do things nippily like I have always done.. I'm so glad that you can see some joys, we all get low sometimes, we are human. In Covid, I was very lonely. I learned the ukulele on a YouTube video very basic and now I go to a ukulele group with other beginners, it keeps your fingers a bit more nimble, there's only four strings, and we go to care homes and give them a little tune or two, I'm listening now to audiobooks and I've just got my first Kindle. I think it's to find things to look forward to., I'm taking all my kids on a special day in autumn. I can't think where it is at the moment ha ha but I know it'll be lovely seeing them all together and their little faces of the grandchildren
Keep asking in a little prayer, I hope things improve for you, talking is so important if there is a group locally you can go for a coffee or whatever. Or on the telephone.. take care

I am so sorry to hear about all you have been through Luckygirl. I absolutely understand your sadness at having to give up choral singing. Singing is a huge part of my life too.
During Covid, when choirs were out of the question, I joined two online choirs, Stay at Home Choir and Choir of the Earth. They both hold online rehearsals which you can watch live or as a recording . You learn works for a few weeks and then record your voice singing your part and send it in. They very cleverly combine the voices to produce a concert!
Of course it isn’t the same as singing in a live choir but I found it very enjoyable and I learnt a lot from the musicians who conducted the sessions. I didn’t continue with them once I was able to return to my choirs but they are both still thriving and they might appeal to you.
Very best wishes 💐🎶

Just to add more hugs! I hope things get better somehow 🌺

I would say try to create spiritual space in yourself in your own home, just like the opera singers create space when they practice. I learnt it from a friend and this helped me immensely when we first lived in a small flat and I did all my reading, sofa activities and tv watching from one spot, the bed

Sorry to hear about your trials and tribulations, @lucky girl. I've recently become chronically fatigued and in pain, I won't list out all my problems, but I seem to be seeing doctors every month to check me for something or other! My DH works very hard, but has taken me to a lot of appointments, and he's really the only person who's able to
Come to medical appointments and talk to medical staff about my medical condition. I've often thought I don't know who I'd talk to if he wasn't around!

Building up a new set of friends is not easy. I've recently joined a feminist discussion group, I'm not used to going into a new social setting, but it takes a bit of the pressure off my husband of being the only person I rely on.

I do have relatives and some very good friends who I can talk to, and it does help.

I'm also being treated for depression, which I think has helped me.

You sound very musically talented. Do you have to give up music altogether? Is there a community choir nearby? If you go on the Asthma + Lung UK website, you will find an online singing for lung health group and a Harmonica for breathing course which runs a few times a year. The harmonica course is run by Chris Upstart who also has a website and there are group sessions on there. The U 3 A run lots of activities and online sessions that are excellent. So if you find there are times you can't get out, there's plenty of online activities available. I spent last winter (and the previous winter) in the house so the U3A online courses were a godsend. There are also days out organised by U3A with transport included and there is something for everyone. Wishing you well.

Well, if anyone dares tell you to woman up, they deserve a right good skelping (scots word for having their bottom smacked.)

With everything you have been through and all the health issues you have, if anyone has a right to complain, you do.

Giving up the things that have been important to us, because we no longer can , or ought to do them is hard. To me it is the hardest part of growing old. So if you need a shoulder to cry on, go ahead - we are many in the same boat.

You do seem, however to see the good things too, and hopefully some of the health problems can be sorted out.

Sorry to hear about your loss, Luckygirl3. Sadly, as you will know (from your own life experiences), most of us have some difficulties of one sort or another. I love to sing too, but am limited to the “good to sing” hymns at Church Services these days, and struggle with breath control at times. Just do what you can, and try to find new hobbies or activities to fill in any empty spaces in your days if you have them. Good friends are worth their weight in gold when you are on your own (as I am). I use a mobility scooter to get out and about locally, as I have Arthritis (as well as diabetes, high blood pressure and also have limited vision).
I hope you find ways to adjust to your new circumstances, but give yourself time. You have suffered some major blows, and need to come to terms with the way things are now. I hope you friends and family to support you. Sending Hugs to you.

I am sorry life has sent you these issues and admire your tenacity
As for the singing, could you join/develop a community choir which is lighter and less stress! My friend has Parkinson’s and has been prescribed singing to help his breathing and swallowing! He loves it ! Is there an opportunity for you to join something similar? A mobility scooter is a good idea or ditch the car and use taxis with the money you save
I do hope you get your mojo back soon and wish you luck 💪🤞

I've been feeling very sorry for myself lately and reading what you have posted has made me ashamed of my moans and groans.
I have the utmost sympathy for you, you have had a terrible few years and now sound as though the one thing you have still been able to enjoy is being taken away from you. Perhaps you might be able to still have some involvement with the choir in a different way?
I think probably this sort of thing comes to us all as we get older and less able and I'm glad you have loving and supportive family and friends to help you through.