Bully from school

MickyT

No point in giving it the big one now, you should have done that at school, then maybe you wouldn't have been bullied, I always taught my kids to stand up for them selves, even if they came off the worst, bullies do tend to leave you alone, if they know your not going to be an easy touch

Victim blaming at its finest...

Enjoy the occasion, and just ignore the bully like she's just not there

No point in giving it the big one now, you should have done that at school, then maybe you wouldn't have been bullied, I always taught my kids to stand up for them selves, even if they came off the worst, bullies do tend to leave you alone, if they know your not going to be an easy touch

If you do confront her don't expect to come out of it with any sort of satisfaction or closure. It will stir the whole thing up for you. It might be better if you don't go.
I know how you feel. I was bullied when I came to NZ from the UK when I was 11. Its affected my self esteem. I don't allow myself to dwell on it and would run a mile from any of those people.

I think it's real. The text suggests English is not the first language. I also think the OP has gone.

Maybe there will be a thread next week about someone confronting their school bully and got publicly abused by her and her life is now in ruins.

Magenta8

Thistle2016

Hello everyone I do not have any consideration how they feel only how I feel
F them so why is there is this issue and please no issue required

If they are for real, the above post says everything we need to know about the OP.

I had the same thought nanna8.

Wondering if this thread is for real. Perhaps I just have a suspicious mind ( quite likely given some of my experiences in my working life ) .

Having read your further comments in this thread Thistle2016 I would strong advise you not to go and also to seek some professional help, counselling or therapy. I really feel saddened by the damage this pupil has clearly caused to you and feel that you will never get acknowledgement or closure in the way in which you seek, so please please seek it through other avenues.

I wish you luck

Maybe a better approach would be to pretend you don’t even remember her!

Astitchintime

Then confront her……perfect opportunity approaching.

Word it something like this…….
You………good morning/afternoon, how are you?
Bully…….good morning/afternoon, I’m fine thanks, how are you?
You………I’m doing fine……..now! But would like to point out that you bullied me relentlessly for X years way back in ***. Your behaviour was vile, destructive and completely unwarranted! So, jog on, get out of my sight you nasty pathetic excuse for a human being, Alternative, cut it short and tell her to “Foxtrot Oscar”!

Absolutely love this !

M0nica

Einna

Bearing a grudge over a long time is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Absolutely brilliant and absolutely true.

I totally agree, it can turn into a form of self-harming.

Einna

Bearing a grudge over a long time is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Absolutely brilliant and absolutely true.

I have been bullied a number of times in my life, it is devastating and can destroy self esteem and self confidence and even seeing someone like the bully in later life can trigger the feeling of helplessness that being bullied brings.

Therapy/counselling can help but other people often, without meaning to, further ignite the anger underlying the helplessness by their misunderstanding. So it can be infuriating to talk about because others often simply can't 'see' it. Trying to shame the bully later in public is going to risk the bully claiming not to remember or minimising what they did and others are likely to feel a scene is inappropriate or uncomfortable.

If the OP can write or paint or fantasise as vividly as possible what outcome she would like from a confrontation with the bully, and do this more than once, it might help. Accepting the unacceptable is a difficult thing in life for some. No one wants to feel unheard or unsupported and sometimes, in life, other people are just incomprehensible ***!

Everyone behaves differently but I would just opt out of the social event if there was someone there I would find difficult. As someone has said you could write her a letter and then burn it instead of sending it. A friend whose mother bullied her was advised to do this even though her mother had died. It did help .

I don't think it is a matter of bearing a grudge, the damage bullying does is far greater than simply causing the victim to ' bear a grudge' prolonged and extensive bullying stays with the victim for ever! However I am not convinced that confronting the bully at a school reunion is the answer.
Thistle, I recognise that your pain remains and that what happened in school has had a devastating and profound effect on you - so I am not going to suggest you move on or stop bearing a grudge or get over it . I know the damage is too deep rooted for that!
However have you thought about seeing a counsellor? A few sessions can work wonders and help you through this. If you decide on this course of action do ensure you make an appointment with an accredited counsellor- any one can call themselves a ' counsellor ' . Your GP practice may have one. I wish you peace of mind and good luck. 💐💐

TBH I’d just say a cool hello, and move on.

While on holiday in her early 20s, at a buzzing nightclub abroad, a dd once bumped into the 2 little bitches who’d bullied her at school.
At first it was all nice and sweet fake-friendly, but dd then went back to her own friends, saying, ‘God, I wish I’d told them what I really think of them!’
And ((having had a few drinks by then) she did!

She could be decidedly fiery once roused, and really let rip. The two were too overwhelmed to say anything much but a male friend who was with them said something like, ‘Hey, steady on..’.
She turned to him with flashing eyes and told him to stay out of it!
She phoned me next day to tell me about it, saying, ‘Ooh, it was lovely!’

Einna

Bearing a grudge over a long time is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

👍

I think as folk have suggested upthread, it would be better to dismiss the 'control' this bully still has over you, instead of putting yourself back into a position where the abuse might be revived.
I agree with Allira, and Einna, that was a crackin' quote.

So yes, I can wreck your life too.
!!!

So yes, it can wreck your life too

The problem with school bullies is that they can wreck your time at school, make learning difficult and even result in school refusal. So yes, I can wreck your life too.

It's difficult to know how to deal with school bullies when children are reluctant to tell parents, when schools are ineffective in dealing with the bullies and the best thing is to try to rise above it, if not at school then making you stronger to deal with adversity as an adult. Not easy but it is the best way.

Be the better person.

I just feel really sorry for the OP. All those years hating and bearing a grudge, when her time could have been spent enjoying and being happy in life.

Someone bullied her viciously at school, despite her belief that what happened to her was uniquely awful, in fact many others were vilely and viciously bullied at school. Most of us left school, and despite the scars left by bullying, we cast it away and went on to enjoy life and used our experience to be very prtective of others.

There are some people, who seem happiest when consumed with hate. I have a friend whose whole life has been consumed by a hatred of men because her father was abusive. It destroyed her marriage and her relationship with her son and her view of everything in life from politics, to the quality of food, everything is governed by this all-consuming hatred of man. As a result she has few friends and a rather lonely life.

The OP seems anoher such.

Bearing a grudge over a long time is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

What sort of event is it? If it is a friends celebration then I wouldn't want to spoil it by having a confrontation there - I would go and just politely say hello if our paths crossed at the event and leave it at that.

If it's one of those school reunion events, could you just not go? My old school held one a few years back but I had no interest in attending whatsoever!

Frankly I would pretend not to remember her. That would probably hurt her more than confronting her. Just say something like. “Oh I’m so sorry I don’t remember you, did you say we went to the same school”?

Thistle2016

Hello everyone I do not have any consideration how they feel only how I feel
F them so why is there is this issue and please no issue required

If they are for real, the above post says everything we need to know about the OP.