Child free and smug

“I find the entire thing of pregnancy, birthing etc to be utterly sickening…”
TheWeirdoAgain1

I wonder what your mother thought about the process?
Yet somehow you are here on this Earth!

My DS and his DP told us more than 20 years ago "don't look to us for grandchildren "

So we didn't. They travelled, worked, and enjoyed their friends' and siblings' children.

Then they emigrated to NZ and at ages 40 and 41 they told us they were expecting a baby.
We were thrilled but actually shocked as it was the last news we expected.
That surprise is now 13.

I find the entire thing of pregnancy, birthing etc to be utterly sickening

Whilst others find it the most beautiful thing in the world.

Blimey, it's their private business and theirs only, isn't it?

I'm 60, and never married or had kids by choice. I was 6 when I decided I'd never have kids and even if I ever married I'd STILL NOT have kids. It would have to be a 100% child-free life.
TheWeirdoAgain
😁 Chance would be a fine thing to conceive at 60 - but you never know!

Magenta8

It will never be my turn to be smug as I am not in a position to judge what other people do.

Well said!!

Sometimes it can be a defence mechanism because people can make very thoughtless comments to those who are childless or have one child.

It is not always through choice and those who become pregnant easily and who has several children should not assume it's that easy for others.

Yes I agree, regarding having adult children looking after one in old age is indeed not something I'd ever want and it certainly never crossed my mind as an impetus to have children in the first place.

TheWeirdoAgain1

Animals/pets have always been my babies and always will be, not humans.

I find the entire thing of pregnancy, birthing etc. to be utterly sickening... (etc).

Animals also give birth, sometimes prolifically and messily.

Of course, animals usually don't have to make appointments with clinics - but if there are problems, we often do it for them.

Do you just not like humans full stop?

“I find the entire thing of pregnancy, birthing etc to be utterly sickening…” TheWeirdoAgain1
This is a good point and maybe more prevalent than we realise.
I saw a very graphic photo of a woman from the ‘business’ end in an exhibition recently having just delivered her baby and was taken aback.

Certainly if I had seen photos or videos like this as a child, it might have put me off. Ignorance can be bliss.

Galaxy

It is funny how different we all are, the last thing I would ever want is my children caring for me, that is just not what I want for them.

... by the law of averages, there will be a number of those breeders' children who end up working in the care sector (consultants / doctors / nurses / care workers ) and, possibly, giving the most intimate and personal end-of-life care to - again, possibly - the type of smug, self-satisfied individuals who appear to think having children denotes some kind of interiority...

... is what I meant Galaxy... it was an effort to convey the fact that we are all human and (I believe) as a society, all interdepend on each other in various ways to make it function. As opposed to the hedonistic lifestyle that these Instagrammers appear to be recommending.

It's almost like you look at a post / comment and think - hmm, let's see if I can pick some holes in it, if it doesn't align precisely with your world view.

My adult offspring emigrated - with my blessing - and even if he hadn't, in common with probably many others on here, I had no plans to rely on him for my care, or anything else, in my final years.

Crossstitchfan

Lathyrus3, That’s a strange way of looking at it!

Do you know, I’m really getting quite upset by the way crossstitchfan keeps hounding me across threads with snide personal comments and jibes.

I’ve no idea why. Whether it’s just a general dislike or whether I’ve done something specific to upset her personally.

I expect be disagreed with, because I do see things differently but this last dig, although it’s actually quite mild this time, really makes me see how social media can be so destructive.

I'm well on the journalists side on this.

I'm 60, and never married or had kids by choice. I was 6 when I decided I'd never have kids and even if I ever married I'd STILL NOT have kids. It would have to be a 100% child-free life.

I don't like kids, never did and never will. As a child myself I hated having to be forced into interacting with other kids at school, home etc. ''But you need friends'' was constantly thrown at me as I sat there reading and playing with animals. No, I don't need friends, I need animal friends!

My attitude has always been ''it's MY body and life, not yours and I alone decide what to do with it so shove off!''

Animals/pets have always been my babies and always will be, not humans.

No, hollysteers, I'm not the slightest bit smug, I just chose to run my body and life how I see fit, not as others demand and dictate.

The ''but who will look after you're when you're old?'' question, which I find condescending and patronizing is a load of rubbish. You could literally have 1000 kids and there's absolutely no guarantee that ANY of them will be there for the parents in old age, all 1000 might just abandon you.

I've always been and always will be a a very proud and honoured pet mum.

I find the entire thing of pregnancy, birthing etc. to be utterly sickening and having all those pregnancy appointments, being prodded and poked and questioned, then there's what I'd have to do to produce them.....absolutely NOT. Then all the school/kids/teacher things ...no.

I'll love animals far more than I'll ever love screaming gummy kids.

How people define themselves on Instagram can come across as smug, led by umpteen famous faces who go to some lengths to showcase their homes, children etc etc. in a kind of "look what we've got here the perfect life" showing only the best bits of course! I agree with Galaxy up thread I'm deeply sceptical of all of that. Something to be said in favour of the Clooneys imo who apparently wisely shun that conspicuous form of showing off.

Do I think child free people are smug? absolutely not! Intstagram aside, it's really none of anyone else's business whether people opt to have children or not, sometimes of course it hasn't been possible for them, whatever the reason, why judge, it's a perfectly reasonable and understandable choice

Magenta8

I think that often what life throws at us means that we do not have much choice in the matter. People who desperately want children can't always have them and people who don't want children get pregnant.

I know this is stating the obvious but I feel we like to think we have more control over our lives than is in fact the case.

This is very true. I would have had a child had the opportunity presented itself. Those who have children in this life, could easily find that they too missed out too in another.

I’d have been very unhappy if I hadn’t had children, and find it difficult to imagine anyone feels differently, but one of my sons has no children and seems completely happy about it. He certainly has fewer worries than the one who has children.

I have never expected my children to look after me, and I encouraged them to live elsewhere. But at least they are interested!

I think that often what life throws at us means that we do not have much choice in the matter. People who desperately want children can't always have them and people who don't want children get pregnant.

I know this is stating the obvious but I feel we like to think we have more control over our lives than is in fact the case.

I am glad that women have the choice, at least women in Britain do.

When I married in 1969 it was very much expected that babies would follow and they did. That was one of the reasons for getting married - as illegitimacy was still a stigma. Living together outside marriage was living in sin

The journalist who called us Breeders was provocative to use language like that but I suppose it grabs headlines.

Now there's a stigma in having more than 2 children, with the 2 child cap on child benefits.

Too much interference in the lives of others!

Sadly for me, I am an only child, so no nieces or nephews either. I really will be totally alone in the world.

You can lead a perfectly happy & fulfilling life without children.
Having children doesn’t always equal happiness, ( just look on the estrangement board, ) & certainly doesn’t guarantee they’ll be ‘looking after you’ in old age. I personally wouldn’t want my children becoming my carers, ( if it ever came to that ) that’s the last thing I’d want, for me & them.
I’m really glad I have children - but had it not been possible, or I just didn’t want children, I’m sure my life would have been just as happy. Just happy in a different way.

Just because you are childless doesn't mean you will have a lonely old age. Many single childless people are part of wider families who love and ssupport them. I became the official carer for childless family members on both sides of my family. They were aunts and uncles who did not choose childlessness. They had been loving and kind to me when I was young and when they needed help I provided it.

As i said DD is childless and lives alone but she has a niece and nephew for whom she was the magic aunt who could make and do things for them that nobody else could, and now they are themselves almost grown up, their faces still light-up when she appears..

No one can see into the future, but I think it is unlikely that she will have a lonely unloved old age. She does, also, have a brother.

Ive never met anyone child free you talks about people as breeders, they wouldn't be my type of person.
No one knows why anyone is child free, may not be by choice.
I never bring the subject up and don't talk continuously about mine.

Yes agree totally with the posters who are wary of those who parrot their perfect lives. I think it’s unusual to know for sure that you don’t want children at an early age. I thought I didn’t want them for a long time and then woke up one morning at the age 40 and panicked. I knew it was now or never and got my skates on. I was rewarded with my daughter (very lucky) and hate to think I nearly missed out.

A very strange way of looking at it. There's something about having family that know you, have shared memories of other family members, people, places, events. It's very sad when people seem to be completely alone in the world in their old age. Not everyone has good skills at making friends. I'm glad that Strawberriesandpears has.

Lathyrus3, That’s a strange way of looking at it!

Aveline

I certainly don't want my children or grandchildren to care for me in my old age but I certainly want them to be around. I'd feel so lonely if they weren't. I see the residents eyes light up when families arrive at the care home where I volunteer.

So the people without children are in a care home being looked after by paid staff.

And the people with children are in the care home being looked after by paid staff - and maybe have a visit from family

Doesn’t seem that different to me. Except the ones without children can afford a much nicer care home😬