Child free and smug

People have many and varied reasons for not wanting children and I don't think it right to sit in judgement of them. It is just as smug and wrong as child free people looking down on "breeders".

We are not all made the same, thank goodness, and we don't all want the same things out of life.

I am deeply wary of people who speak about how wonderful their lives and choices are.

Don't worry. It'll be your turn to be smug when we're all old and need our families around us. I've felt very sorry for childless friends before now.

Good for them, if that’s what they want but I can’t think of anything worse than not having my lovely children and grandchildren.

I agree with magenta. and with*galaxy*.

People who are happy with their lives don’t need public declarations of how happy they are.

And people who are happy with their choices don’t feel the need to sneer at others who have made different choices and say how sorry they are for them that they don’t have their. life.

Neither attitude is pleasant or to be commended.

I have friends who had three children in quick succession shortly after they married. I delayed having children for financial reasons and they used to tease me and say that my two cats wouldn't look after me when I was old.

Their children all grown up now and one lives in Japan, one in Australia and the youngest lives in China. Mine all live in the same county as I do.

It just shows that having children does not necessarily ensure that they will be there to care for you in old age.

It's their choice, but like DollyD I couldn't imagine not having my children and grandchildren, I love them to bits, they are a blessing

I don't think there's anything whatsoever wrong with not wanting children - as long as it is your choice. My daughter has always been adamant that she didn't want children - she loves her niece and nephew and has worked with children with special needs - but she just doesn't want her own, and neither does her husband. They're far from smug about it though - that's just their choice.
And there's nothing wrong with people having dogs or cats or whatever instead. Our dogs have always been as much a part of the family as any other.
I've never been much of a 'child' person anyway. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and grandchildren, but I've never cooed over babies. The first baby I ever held was my own.

It’s good women have the choice now. However I am the opposite of them I knew when I was very young I wanted children of my own and they and my grandchildren are my greatest achievement and joy. I was a nursery nurse as a first career. I do think though you should not love your life through your children or have unrealistic expectations of them. Both generations need their own lives

Live your life not love

It will never be my turn to be smug as I am not in a position to judge what other people do.

My friend recently read that childless people are the happiest. I do have children and adore them. They and my grandchildren are what I live for. But I can imagine a child-free life would mean far less stress and financial freedom so I guess there’s something to be said for both.

Of course those of us with children can't imagine not having them! We love them and have lives built up with them.

This really doesn't mean a lot in the debate I feel.

Who knows what we could have done/experienced if we'd taken the other path!
I would have been a very different person!

The point is if you want children then you will be happy you have them and if you don’t want hem you will be happy you don’t.

Why do people find it so hard to grasp that different things make different people happy and try to fit others into their own mould?

I remember talking to a friend about fertility drugs and we were agreeing we would never go down that route.
Then we looked at eachother and realised we had never been in that position. She had 6 children and I had 4. Not smug but grateful.

But only grateful because you wanted them.

You wouldn’t have been grateful if you hadn’t. 😬

My only viewpoint is, if someone doesn't want children, they shouldn't have them. I have seen what the outcome of that can be, a hands off parent with an emotionally stunted child due to emotional neglect.

If people want to have children, then they should.

Other than that, it is no one's business what happens in another person's house. And no one should be gloating in their choices, ever.

I honestly don’t remember the Bodach and I discussing whether or not we wanted children!
I think in those days we just got married and welcomed the children who came. We didn’t have to have a ‘conversation’ if no baby came, so what we would do about it didn’t arise.
One of ours has no children through choice, and they are great aunt and uncle, even more so now that the niblings are older.
I have always thought it better to decide in advance that parenthood is not for you, than to have a child raised in a nursery or by a nanny ( but I know I am old-fashioned!)

DD decided when she was 4 tat she did not want children and around the age of 20 decided that she did not want to live in any partnership either. Her reason being that her nature was just too uncompromising to cope with either a partner or children.

Broadly, I agreed with her. It has not stopped her doting on her niece and nephew, although too much of their company when they were under 5, could get her very stressed.

She is now in her mid 50s and has never regretted her choices. She has lots of friends and a busy social life. However she does not gloat over those with children. She just says she knew that she was not cut out to be a mother or partner and that is the beginning and end of it.. We are a neurally diverse family and I think this all ties in with her neural diversity.

Daddima - ‘the Bodach’ - I love that term. Had to Google what it actually was 😂

Maybe people need to extol their child free choices as others assume everyone wants children.

From my experience it's definitely not a given that children will be devoted snd doting on their aged parents. As has been said, many adult children move away, go through their own divorces and disasters and are in no position to move into that caring role. Many dont have their own children, so there aren't GC. Of course for many lucky people it works out well. But no room for smugness on anyone's part x

They have clearly found a niche on social media whereby they can extol the virtues of whatever lifestyle they choose and people will take notice of them. Yawn.
I reckon they will have a baby soon and then get more followers or whatever for filming their parenting experiences too.
I have no objection to people not wanting children but please don't treat your pets as replacement children. They're not and you don't fool me...

If people want to treat their pets as substitute children, that's fine by me. They probably love them more than some people love their children, that's for sure.