Child free and smug

@hollysteers Thank you. I do hope to have close friends. I think I am pretty good at making friends, and I know how to be a good friend to others too, I think.

Strawberriesandpears

I am childless rather than childfree, but I am certainly not smug. I think I am in for a very sad and lonely old age. I envy those with a loving family. I will have literally nobody.

Srawberries there is no guarantee our children will be fulfilling our needs when we age. Sometimes a close friend can do more and mean more.
My own DD hasn’t had children. Not a deliberate choice just not the right man or time. I know she has very close friends so I hope for the best💐

I am childless rather than childfree, but I am certainly not smug. I think I am in for a very sad and lonely old age. I envy those with a loving family. I will have literally nobody.

I have one child and am very happy ...but I could not conceive a second and everybody in the school gate was doing what today's mums do: have them one after the other immediately ....some women were asking me why I don't have second. Like really? My body did not produce one or my husband's fertility ended or whatever.

Also scratching my ovaries for IVF was not anything that I would ever do. So ?

There are really infertile women out there who are suffering and want children. I wonder were these women in that position once and decided instead getting to reality humbly, instead let's all turn and hate on the breeders. That is bullying not having the virtue of being oh, so happy child free

I certainly don't want my children or grandchildren to care for me in my old age but I certainly want them to be around. I'd feel so lonely if they weren't. I see the residents eyes light up when families arrive at the care home where I volunteer.

I know how lucky I was to have my two children to keep me going when my husband died young, but I can’t speak for others. Life, and happiness is fragile, and the smug are just the ones who haven’t had any of life’s crap thrown at them yet.

I have two married daughters, four grandchildren and I recently was blessed with a gorgeous great grandchild. My family is so precious to me. We all live within 10 miles of each other but do not live in each other’s pockets. We arrange regular meet-ups, mainly by one of us deciding to have a meal or barbecue and inviting the others. Or a daughter and husband will visit. My granddaughter and I are very close and she visits often, now with the baby. There is no expectation from me as to visits and I think this is the reason they come often. There is no pressure and no moaning if they haven’t been for a while. I understand they have busy lives with taxing jobs (some including shift work) so nothing is set in stone. I am very happy with how much I see of them and it leaves me plenty of time for my own interests.
Life is good!

Galaxy

It is funny how different we all are, the last thing I would ever want is my children caring for me, that is just not what I want for them.

Same, especially having been through it all with my own mother and in-laws.

It is funny how different we all are, the last thing I would ever want is my children caring for me, that is just not what I want for them.

Galaxy

I am deeply wary of people who speak about how wonderful their lives and choices are.

Hear, hear!

... especially those who crow about it on Instagram.

I'm not sure, but I rather feel those who have maximum contentment usually don't feel the need to advertise their good fortune to 'followers' and other random people.

The fact these 'journalists' feel the need to snipe at breeders would indicate an antagonism that (though I'm no psychiatrist) probably runs through their veins and spills over into their 'perfect' lives.

Maybe a breeder's offspring will one day care for said journalists at the end of their perfect lives.

If people want to treat their pets as substitute children, that's fine by me. They probably love them more than some people love their children, that's for sure.

They have clearly found a niche on social media whereby they can extol the virtues of whatever lifestyle they choose and people will take notice of them. Yawn.
I reckon they will have a baby soon and then get more followers or whatever for filming their parenting experiences too.
I have no objection to people not wanting children but please don't treat your pets as replacement children. They're not and you don't fool me...

From my experience it's definitely not a given that children will be devoted snd doting on their aged parents. As has been said, many adult children move away, go through their own divorces and disasters and are in no position to move into that caring role. Many dont have their own children, so there aren't GC. Of course for many lucky people it works out well. But no room for smugness on anyone's part x

Maybe people need to extol their child free choices as others assume everyone wants children.

Daddima - ‘the Bodach’ - I love that term. Had to Google what it actually was 😂

DD decided when she was 4 tat she did not want children and around the age of 20 decided that she did not want to live in any partnership either. Her reason being that her nature was just too uncompromising to cope with either a partner or children.

Broadly, I agreed with her. It has not stopped her doting on her niece and nephew, although too much of their company when they were under 5, could get her very stressed.

She is now in her mid 50s and has never regretted her choices. She has lots of friends and a busy social life. However she does not gloat over those with children. She just says she knew that she was not cut out to be a mother or partner and that is the beginning and end of it.. We are a neurally diverse family and I think this all ties in with her neural diversity.

I honestly don’t remember the Bodach and I discussing whether or not we wanted children!
I think in those days we just got married and welcomed the children who came. We didn’t have to have a ‘conversation’ if no baby came, so what we would do about it didn’t arise.
One of ours has no children through choice, and they are great aunt and uncle, even more so now that the niblings are older.
I have always thought it better to decide in advance that parenthood is not for you, than to have a child raised in a nursery or by a nanny ( but I know I am old-fashioned!)

My only viewpoint is, if someone doesn't want children, they shouldn't have them. I have seen what the outcome of that can be, a hands off parent with an emotionally stunted child due to emotional neglect.

If people want to have children, then they should.

Other than that, it is no one's business what happens in another person's house. And no one should be gloating in their choices, ever.

But only grateful because you wanted them.

You wouldn’t have been grateful if you hadn’t. 😬

I remember talking to a friend about fertility drugs and we were agreeing we would never go down that route.
Then we looked at eachother and realised we had never been in that position. She had 6 children and I had 4. Not smug but grateful.

The point is if you want children then you will be happy you have them and if you don’t want hem you will be happy you don’t.

Why do people find it so hard to grasp that different things make different people happy and try to fit others into their own mould?

Of course those of us with children can't imagine not having them! We love them and have lives built up with them.

This really doesn't mean a lot in the debate I feel.

Who knows what we could have done/experienced if we'd taken the other path!
I would have been a very different person!

My friend recently read that childless people are the happiest. I do have children and adore them. They and my grandchildren are what I live for. But I can imagine a child-free life would mean far less stress and financial freedom so I guess there’s something to be said for both.

It will never be my turn to be smug as I am not in a position to judge what other people do.

Live your life not love