Driving at 90

I reached 70 last year and was surprised one could apply for a licence renewal by self certifying your ability to drive /see safely. Before completing the tick box exercise I booked myself an eye test so I could be confident my sight was fine. I know there will come a time when I may have to give up driving, hopefully a good while away. I already find driving 200 miles to visit my family pretty tiring and when my DD lived 400 miles away I needed an overnight stop to break the journey. I plan to downsize and move nearer and the requirement of my new home includes proximity to shops, doctors and public transport so that I can remain independent even if driving becomes a thing of the past. I hope when the time comes I will be sensible and not try to carry on too long.
My grandfather was a driving instructor and taught me to drive when I was 17. In later years if I was driven by him I realised that his driving was a bit slow sometimes for the road conditions and he caused other drivers to get impatient. I never said anything but it was noticeable to me. I can't remember exactly when he gave up driving but I suspect rather later than he should have.
I know many people who have stopped driving long distances but still drive locally. One of them gave me a lift to an eye appointment where I was having drops put in which prevented me from driving myself home afterwards. I won't be asking her to do it again as I felt quite nervous in her car. She's only a few years older than me so I'm really glad she no longer does long distances, but should she even be doing local journeys? I don't know.

Romola

I'll be 80 next week and have booked a session with a driving instructor who should be able to tell me whether I'm safe to go on driving. On Saturday I'll be driving nearly 500 miles from north-east Fife to near Southampton, just dreading the M6 from Preston to about Warwick on the M40. But I don't drive this route in the winter.

Everyone dreads the M6!

A maximum age would deny a lot of competent rural drivers their only transport: here in Somerset bus and taxi services are few and far between and village shopping is limited. It would put nearby towns and their hospitals out of reach for many. Those who live in well-serviced urban places don't understand the problems of rural life.

Please do not go behind your husband's back and have his driving-licence revoked. Doing so might well cause a very difficult situation if he ever realised what you had done.

It is hard to accept that we can no longer safely do this or that, and for some odd reason having to give up driving is very hard indeed.

Sit down quietly with your husband and discuss possiblities.

Presumably, he would be appalled and never forgive himself if he continued to drive and his poor sight resulted in him killing someone. You will know whether you should start with this horrific possiblility or end with it.

Before even starting the conversation, do some homework.
Work out what it actually costs you annually to run a car. Take everything into account:
Petrol
Servicing
M.O. T.
Insurance
Road tax
Parking when you have to use parking meters or paid parking

You may be amazed by the amount.

Then find out what alternatives there are to driving, and how expensive they are.

Do you live on a bus route?
Near a train station?
What do taxis cost?
Is there any kind of transport for the elderly, or disabled available, and if so, what does it cost?
Do you have a young relative or friend who could be added to your insurance and drive for you?

Some or all of the answers might help convince your husband that now is the time for you both to stop driving. (You did not actually say if you do drive.)

I hope you find a solution that you both can live with.

Maybe get a friend who used to drive/but now takes taxis if need be to give you an estimate of what they've spent on taxi fares over recent months - compared to what a car would cost to run (including insurance/devaluation/the lot). It's bound to be a saving....

Living in a small town in West Wales and being used to being able to get everywhere I particularly required within 30 minutes (and that was walking there) = I wince at the cost of taxi fares. But - compared to the cost of running a car = what I've just spent/will spend in next week on taxi fares is:

- £160 return taxi fare to bigger town (because nearer podiatrists arent good enough)
- £160 coming up shortly to bigger town (because there aren't enough osteopaths here - because they are only part-time).

I'd be willing to bet I'd have had to cover more than £320 for all car expenses in that time if I included everything. That's a particularly dear month too mark you - with NHS appointments/NHS bills (as I call them - though these people are all private).

Most months I don't have an "NHS bill" to pay and nothing goes out on taxi fares.

That sounds like Big Brother to me

Perhaps your husband needs a bit of time to get used to the idea? It must be quite a shock for an independent person to receive this news. It does mean a bit of a change of lifestyle for both of you but hopefully after a few days he'll come round to the common sense viewpoint.
I'm 75 and know that I will need to move house once I stop driving which at my age may be within a year or so and have started looking around at places for sale in the local town where public transport and proximity to other resources will be key

I have several friends who have had to give up driving due to poor eye sight. Will the savings on insurance cover the cost of some taxis? BiL simply drove his father’s car away because he considered he was no longer safe. Atqui you will need to be firm about how much driving you undertake.

He may have difficulty accepting this but he has little or no choice. If involved in an accident the insurance could prove invalid if you know you have sight issues (that glasses don't help). This is quite apart from the moral issues of putting others at risk.
On a slight tangent- we've had friends who've moved out to the countryside with infrequent buses and no shops, doctors etc in walking distance. Lovely until you can no longer drive.

I'll be 80 next week and have booked a session with a driving instructor who should be able to tell me whether I'm safe to go on driving. On Saturday I'll be driving nearly 500 miles from north-east Fife to near Southampton, just dreading the M6 from Preston to about Warwick on the M40. But I don't drive this route in the winter.

Difficult, however if he was involved in an accident and his sight was deemed poor then all insurance would go belly up. If he injured someone he would ever forgive himself. Worse still you could lose your home because of compensation payments. I think your husband is selfish. Get a taxi for necessary journeys or if you drive what's the problem.

OP we all have to accept changes with our health issues - he’s lucky at age 90 that he hadn’t been in an accident ..

I'm very much in favour of a maximum age just like we have a minimum age. Although the majority of people are perfectly capable of driving safely at 75 I'd make that the cutoff age so as to catch accidents that may be just waiting to happen. Even with cognitive skills remaining sharp, reaction time slows and senses become less acute.

I’m so proud of my husband, 75,he has had some “absences “. Doctor checking him out, but he has voluntarily stopped driving. His point…it’s not that I may kill us if I “go off “ in the car, but I may have to live with myself after killing someone else. Seems clear to me I don’t want to be rude Atqui, but your husband is only thinking of himself

Exactly.
My Dad put numerous scratches on his car when reversing into his garage as his peripheral vision was poor. It was only when he had surgery that he stopped driving. His car remained in the garage, as he obviously hoped to drive again, but thankfully didn’t. He recovered from his operation, but a year later suddenly had a major stroke and died four days later. If he’d had that stroke whilst driving I dread to think what might have happened.

The real problem with people driving if their eyesight is poor is that they could kill someone. That goes for any age.

We had great difficulty persuading my father to give up driving in his late eighties. He had been driving since the 1930s, before the driving test was introduced. His driving had always been safe, but as he aged he tended to drive in the middle of the road, and his reactions were slower. Although he could afford taxis, he thought they were an extravagance and became an avid user of public transport.

Thanks for your comments. My husband is not driving, the difficulty is in him accepting it. TBH I was relieved as we had an accident not long ago. I do appreciate his feeling of loss , but he’s got to 90 and should be grateful for that.

bikergran I am certain you are correct. The problem is that it needs to start on Monday, not in two years or whenever.

I believe (I maybe wrong)! but I'm sure I have recently read that in 2025 they are proposing new rules for over 70s when you renew your licence.

They are proposing you must! have an eye test and you will have to prove to the DVLA you have been for an eye test and provide evidence (think some kind of digital evidence)
So no more self assessment .I ma sure there will be a lot of older drivers removed from the roads. The eye sight test is the first thing you fail on when going for your test at any age.

I agree with Sarnia. This is not even up for discussion. I think it should be mandatory for opticians to report to DVLA a driver of any age whose sight is not good enough to drive.

If your husband has been told his eyesight is not good enough to drive then there should be no discussion about whether or not to give up the keys.
Yes, it is a huge knock to independence but far better that than run the risk of having an accident.
Contact your GP who will take the necessary steps to stop your husband driving for both of your safety and others.

The point us that the OP's husband has been told he is no longer fit to drive. I'm not in a similar position in that my OH at 72 still drives. However I took the decision myself to stop driving a year ago at 75, I found driving too stressful in London, parking a nightmare. I soon adapted to it and walk whenever I can (so my fitness has improved), take a bus or an Uber (expense justified as I no longer run a car). For distances I'm always either with a family member or on the train. I stopped driving (refused to) with my husband as a passenger years ago simply because he was an impossible back seat driver.

Hopefully your husband will accept the new circumstances. I'm sorry it puts extra pressure on you.

I wish evidence of a recent eye test and a short cognitive tests, leading possibly to a longer one were mandatory every time you renewed your licenceafter the age of 70.

Some people can drive safely at 100, others should be taken off the road at 70. Age has nothing to do with it. Sight and cognition is key.

My father died at 92. he was driving safely to the end. He regulalry joined us in France for a holiday each summer, and at 88 drove from the Sussex coast to Yorkshire for a family wedding. He did not do it in a day, as he would have in his younger days, but stopped overnight half way up. he thentook 4 days going home, visiting different places and sight seeing.

At much the same time a much younger retired man drove into me on a roundabout, as I was exiting it having driven 3/4s round it. From his insurance claim form it was clear he hadn't seen me and when he did, had been incredibly slow in reacting. Yet I had seen him approaching the roundabout as I entered it. It was clear that he was not safe to drive.

I think there's no way to really say that someone is or is not safe to drive based on age alone. My father's godmother lived to be over 100 years old and she still drove at 100. She lived in a lodge (meals and housekeeping provided; you may require assistance with getting up in the morning and going to bed in the evening but otherwise you have to be pretty independent) and that was mainly because she was widowed and had been living alone on an isolated farm. Her sons were concerned that in the case of an emergency, especially during winter (living in north central western Canada), it would be hard to get to her quickly. I think she was still very functional and it was just the logistics of her home that were at issue.

On the other hand, there are younger people who should not be driving for a variety of reasons.

One thing to do with someone you think should give up driving is to sit down with them and price out what it costs for road tax, inspections, insurance, fuel, repairs, etc. in a year. It all adds up after a while. The money saved from not having to pay for those things would pay for a LOT of taxis, Ubers, trains, buses, etc. Of course the one caveat is that you would have to be in an area that has access to these services.