Thanks very much for all the answers, she wasn't at the next class so I did wonder, I didn't expect lots of thanks or even a written thank you.
I was a little concerned about whether I. had thanked her enough, three weeks is a long time and it seemed to me quite a big ask. I always say yes to neighbours and would like to have a reciprocal arrangement for plant watering, cat feeding, taking in parcels etc but since we moved, it has become obvious that people don't seem to want this anymore or want to be paid. Cat sitting/feeding rates have become extraordinary.
As to people recognising themselves, you can't cover every base, there are a few posters I wonder about though, maybe I knew you in an earlier life!!
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Asking for a favour and rewarding the person who agrees
(22 Posts)This is anotber thread where I think Lordy I hope the other woman doesn't read Gransnet and recognises her self.
When I first joined Gransnet 5 years or so ago I was shocked at how identifying some threads were. I think it is very easy to feel that this is a very small club of well intentioned females! I have to remind myself sometimes as well.
Have you actually seen her since the day you handed them over? If it was me I would have said 'oh thank you very much' at the time and it wouldn't have occurred to me to text later. How many thank you's does a person need?
If she hasn't been to class you could always text to see if she's okay and see if she responds. She may consider the whole episode over and done, who knows.
Perhaps she just meant "You're welcome, we enjoyed doing it" and didn't expect a gift.
Let this go…….you asked - she offered- her and her husband enjoyed sitting in your garden whilst you were away and you bought her some gifts as a ‘thank you’.
Her indifference might be a cultural thing or related to something totally unconnected.
The fact that she has ME is immaterial and GN didn’t really need to know that.
no one does anything, it seems to me, without wanting to be paid
Everything is monetized even grief and loss. It's horrible.
And as for weddings!!!
You were very generous and she thanked you.
Were your plants still alive when you got back btw?
If they're fine tell her your plants are looking wonderful and invite her round for coffee some time. If not, then don't mention them.
A second language learner I know got in a terrible tizz with this!
The recipient said " On you shouldn't have bothered". My friend was then worried she had crossed a line.
Your gifts were so thoughtful Granatlast, not many people have your grace and kindness in this day and age.
Just carry on as normal Granatlast. You asked her for a favour which she agreed too and bought a 'thank you' gift which she thanked you for when you gave it to her.
You say you're seeing her next week; did you expect her to contact you before this? Would she normally do so?
Some people react differently to me when receiving a gift.
I’m one of those who gushes profusely, even if it’s something I really didn’t like.
I have given my close friend some beautiful gifts and I get a oh thanks Whereas she gave me a ( not very well knitted) tea cosy.
I wanted to say do I look like the sort of person who would use that but no, I didn’t, I did my usual oh lovely blah blah
We are all different in our ways.
We have on occasion looked after neighbours houses and gardens when they were on holiday and I certainly wouldn’t have expected to be paid for it!
I think your gifts sounded perfect, and I would think anyone would have been delighted, along with the usual “ oh you shouldn’t have “
They also had the use of your garden which was a generous gesture on your part.
I would let the friendship go if she continues to be ‘off’ with you.
Just draw a line under this and when you see her next be your usual self and perhaps suggest going for coffee together or sone such thing. Don’t even ask if she liked the gifts. Let it go.
I think you are reading too much into it. You gave her the presents in person and she thanked you; did you expect a written thank you note as well?
You neither of you know each other very well, she performed a fairly onerous task (to me) , a commitment over ten days and said she enjoyed sitting in your garden. You will see her soon; perhaps it would be friendly to invite her over to your garden for a cup of tea and a chat, and take it from there.
That sounds like a lovely present and very generous for watering a few pots.
Perhaps she feels embarassed? Whatever the reason there is no point worrying about it.
I think you have acted appropriately ….don’t worry about it.
The lady may have thought (mistakenly) that money might be offered, but if that was not mentioned then the gifts you gave her are entirely satisfactory.
My neighbour watered my garden and I watered his ….he said to me that he did not need to have a present brought back, he was glad to do it. The opportunity usually comes along to return a favour…..perhaps that will be the case with this lady.
You have had coffee and chat with her and offered friendship, just put away the anxious thoughts !
Thinking about it, she did say 'oh thanks' when I gave her the (wrapped) gifts, I suppose I am nervous because I chose something that I thought would be appropriate and I would have sent a quick text in the reverse situation. I'm probably overthinking.
Sparklefizz huge apologies for having touched a nerve, I have a rare immune condition so I'm no stranger to people not understanding fatigue etc. I was just thinking about this woman and not wanting to offend her or to be inconsiderate.
Did she say Thank You when you gave her the gifts?
Do you mean she hasn’t made a written Thank You?
Written Thank Yous are very much a cultural thing. I don’t know about Malta but I do know many people who would consider immediate verbal thanks and expressed pleasure to be all that is needed and a following written note wouldn’t even enter their head.
You have been more than generous in thanking someone for what was a minimal ask. Presumably she said thank you when you gave the gifts to her and she may have felt that was adequate.Forget it.
It's difficult. I have given gifts in the past and received no thanks. Like you, I have always tried to give something tasteful and appropriate. It has made me wary of this now and I rarely do it even though I often think oh, so-and-so would like that. I was brought up to thank people for any gift I received and think it is rude not to. However you do not know this lady very well so perhaps she has a poor memory - just to give her the benefit of the doubt.
If the lady is from Malta, maybe receipt of gifts is different there.
I would forget it. Life’s too short.
Granatlast I don't know if that's relevant but she seemed normal to me although she does apparently suffer from something like ME.
Those of us unfortunate enough to suffer from ME are still normal! 
Good morning wise GNers. I wanted to ask for opinions about having asked someone to water a few plants in my garden recently when I was away on holiday.
I was away for three weeks, which is unusual and I tried to set up an automatic watering system which was a disaster. So, at the last minute, I asked someone who I have got to know recently at a class and who I seem to have got on well with especially in relation to plants and gardening. We had a few coffees together and couldn't stop talking, we seemed to have a lot in common.
She immediately agreed and I only asked her to water 10 specific potted plants, not every day. In fact, while we were away the heatwave diminished so she needn't have continued watering though she obviously did. I have never been to her house but I understand that she lives in a terrace with a small, courtyard garden and she said she would be delighted to come and sit in my garden and enjoy the solitude and peace (in fact, we are in a semi and do have an unusually large garden but it isn't all that peaceful because of neighbours and traffic). I told her she was very welcome to come over whenever she wanted and she even, she told me, brought her husband one evening and they had enjoyed sitting in our pergola.
Now the difficult part - I felt, of course, that I should bring something back and I bought some very 'French' biscuits, a pretty little pot for them at a craft market and a green shawl that seemed to me lovely. I had seen her wearing green sometimes and it seemed to fit the plant connection.
I saw her early this week at the class and we had a good chat and I handed over the goodies afterwards and have since heard nothing. I would always say thank you if it were me, even if I didn't especially like what I had been given but I am now unnerved by the silence and wonder if I have been mean or insensitive. Should I have offered her money? It used to be that asking a neighbour to do little things while you were away was the norm but now no one does anything, it seems to me, without wanting to be paid. This woman comes from Malta and did announce herself at the class as having no friends, I don't know if that's relevant but she seemed normal to me although she does apparently suffer from something like ME.
Sorry for the long post but of course, I'll see this woman next week and I don't know what to do.
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