Sons

Sorry Jackus about your hurt.
This sort of thing happens more often than people care to admit in families.

Especially when sons get married.

Perhaps joining a couple of groups may help you. Somewhere you can meet good, warm people and share your feelings.

All.the best
💐🤞😻
xxx

Oh, thank you for explaining.

Aldom

Not sure I understand your post Norah?

I was attempting posting that I don't believe the old saying "a son is a son til he has a wife, a daughter is a daughter the rest of your life."

Daft and untrue.

Not sure I understand your post Norah?

triciaqanem

A sons a son till he has a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of your life. Never a more truer saying.

All children should grow up, become part to their new family. Some accomplish putting their partner and family first better than others.

I feel so lucky with my son and lovely dil. Granted I see less of them now my g’dtrs are teenagers but to be fair, lately they have been visiting various universities while the eldest tries to decide which ones to apply to. If they’re not doing that they are chauffeuring the girls to various friends’ houses. Their own social lives have taken a hit while they try to steer their daughters through this tricky time. I know they would come if I specifically needed something and we do try and get together once a fortnight. So different from when the g’dtrs were younger and grandparents were needed every day for school runs and occasional overnight stays.
I am sorry you feel the way you do, but parents have such busy lives. I agree with another poster who suggested actually asking them to bring wine or dessert. Or even just tell them nicely that you’d like to see more of them. Sometimes they are so wrapped in their own world they simply don’t realise how we feel.

That is not true in my experience. Both my adult sons contact me regularly on WhatsApp or message. They visit with their families (including their lovely wives). My daughter on the other hand hasn't been in touch since she moved in with her controlling narcissistic BF. And I know plenty of mums of boys who have fantastic relationships with their adult sons.

Smileless.

Aldom

triciaqanem

A sons a son till he has a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of your life. Never a more truer saying.

That is simply not true.

Both my own son and my son in law have been excellent sons since marriage.

My partner is one of 4 sons. They all visited their mum regularly when she was alive. One popped in everyday on his way home from work.

This ridiculous saying perpetuates the myth because a son is a son for the whole of his life, regardless of whether he has a wife.

triciaqanem

A sons a son till he has a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of your life. Never a more truer saying.

That is simply not true.

Both my own son and my son in law have been excellent sons since marriage.

Ann29

When someone posts to say they don't get visits etc I don't think it is appropriate to say I get visits etc. I think that is rubbing salt into the wound. Slimswim I think triciaqanem saying is usually correct .

When somebody posts "there are a few things that I wonder " about other mothers and their sons, she's asking for an insight into other peoples experience.

My son lives less than 20 miles away, I am lucky if I see him twice a year. His wife sadly does not believe in including family in their lives, but is happy with her own little unit, their daughter and work. They both work hard and very long hours, but do have days off occasionally. When I see my son it is only him, he usually takes me out for a couple of hours for a meal to celebrate Xmas and my birthday. I have not been to their home for 20 years, but do visit their work place to say hello if I pass which is not often, because they are always to busy and do not have time to make me welcome although the staff offer me a coffee. He is very generous with birthday and Christmas presents. HOWEVER I know if I struggled and asked for a favour it would get done. I have so far never asked but just know my son would be there for me. He will text if there is something he thinks I HAVE to know, like when my granddaughter passed her masters etc. but I am never invited. I miss them, but have a busy life doing voluntary work so life goes on. I personally think sons are very different to daughters. I see the similarity with most of my friends.

Smileless2012

Well that doesn't explain how one child in adulthood can be loving and giving when their sibling doesn't give a damn, when they were both taught the same at home Norah

Each child is different, each absorbs their childhood differently. All our children are very different one to another, all taught in our home.

You are lucky your children live in this country. My only child moved to Australia fifteen years ago.

Well that doesn't explain how one child in adulthood can be loving and giving when their sibling doesn't give a damn, when they were both taught the same at home Norah

I believe adult children behave as they we taught at home.

Sons or daughters, no difference.

My son and his family live the other side of the world, so no.

I only see my daughters when they want childcare or pet care. Fine by me, I didn’t want to see my mother after I’d left home but was guilt-tripped into visiting as she couldn’t help comparing me to my evidently more attentive siblings. I could count on one hand the number of times she babysat.

butterandjam

5 years ago we moved long distance and are now 6 miles from one of our sons. He often drops in on the way home from work; invites us over for meals, they come here for meals. He helps us and we do the same for him. We see the GC teens changing almost weekly.

To have this ringside seat watching our little boy as a mature man skillfully juggling teenagers, partner, friends and aging parents , home, career , life is quite something. An unexpected delight of old age.

What a !ovely, heart-warming post butterandjam!
My four boys have all moved-out, so the peace and tidyness is still an utter a joy for myself & DH!
I too am so proud of them all & to watch my child with his child is magical! He's simply a natural & perfectly at ease with a rampant toddler on his lap. Lovely. Small wonderful blessings.😊

Harris27

Mother of three sons I accept I take a back seat to the wives mothers. Just the way it goes cant change it.

I'm so grateful that my son and his wife include me as much as they include her parents. They live 200 miles away, as do her parents but in another direction. I hope to move nearer them in time as I'd love to see my GC more. My DiL's parents have other GC too, also at a distance and in yet another direction, but we all spend time together, sometimes all together. I visit them more than they visit me as it is harder for them to be away. I think it is very sad when parents of sons miss out when their wives favour their own family!

I'm two hours away from my kids, eldest son I don't hear from ,his wife has always called me your bloody mother lol,had the other 3 plus partners and kids here for week..I know understand what my dad meant when he said,it's lovely to see you but also lovely when you've gone..we bring them up to let them fly

A lot here depends on how you get on with your DIL and whether you feel your son is just being thoughtless or if you are being made to feel that he and his wife only remember your existence when they need a babysitter or a free meal.

Nothing wrong with remarking that you love seeing them, but that you are not as young as you used to be, and that you are finding you tire more easily.

Food prices too have risen so alarmingly that you are fully justified in asking them to contribute in some way or other.

I assume you are on a fixed income as a pensioner like the rest of us and are already stretching your money as far as you can.

I think you have to find some way of discussing this with your son and DIL, otherwise they will just go on assuming that you are content with things as they are.

My son and his family moved after lockdown, which was sad for us as we'd recently moved closer. They live about 45 minutes away now - we do go there for the weekend from time to time, and we've just spend a couple of days together in our holiday home around his birthday. I do find that I sometimes need to instigate going to see them as my DIL is obviously going to make more effort to see her own mother which I quite understand.
I'm lucky that two of my other children live very nearby and do reciprocate with meals and so on.

If grown children, any children, act as if they are entitled to demand everything and give nothing. It is presumably because their parents have always been willing to give everything and ask for nothing.

Children should be brought up to give as well as take.

Well my Daughter was'nt.