Sons

Hello Slimswim. I think you must be new to GN as there are plenty of examples in the following forums: 'Relationships', Grand parenting, AIBU, Ask A Gran, Estrangement and the Chat forum where you've started this thread.

You're certainly not alone with this one and welcome to GN .

Hi Slimswim many posts on here about entitled adult children. Think I would be suggesting a change of venue for some meals, I would find it tiring to be the host all the time. Same with baby sitting duties, it is ok to say no sometimes.

Next time you invite them for a meal, ask them to bring a bottle of wine, or ask them to bring something for pudding, whatever you prefer.
Make it more of a joint effort.

No point you seething in silence just because they're thoughtless!

5 years ago we moved long distance and are now 6 miles from one of our sons. He often drops in on the way home from work; invites us over for meals, they come here for meals. He helps us and we do the same for him. We see the GC teens changing almost weekly.

To have this ringside seat watching our little boy as a mature man skillfully juggling teenagers, partner, friends and aging parents , home, career , life is quite something. An unexpected delight of old age.

This grown-up son, is he married ? If he’s a bachelor, I’m sure, he has more interesting. things to do with his time..
I don’t think the son has a family - the OP means, he has his family/parents nearby and he doesn’t bother to visit them ( ie OP) - that’s what I understood.
I could be wrong …

crazyH The OP does mention babysitting so maybe not a bachelor and more likely married.

Yes, the grown up son has a family, but only gets in touch when he wants something, i.e. babysitting.

Also enjoys going to his parents house for meals, never contributes food or wine, but doesn’t invite them back to his house for a meal.

The OP was quite clear to me.

crazyH

This grown-up son, is he married ? If he’s a bachelor, I’m sure, he has more interesting. things to do with his time..
I don’t think the son has a family - the OP means, he has his family/parents nearby and he doesn’t bother to visit them ( ie OP) - that’s what I understood.
I could be wrong …

" Babysitting" is your big clue.

Mother of three sons I accept I take a back seat to the wives mothers. Just the way it goes cant change it.

Ahhhhhh …. ‘babysitting’ - I missed that part .

Got it - thanks 👍

I've got 3 sons, one living close to me, I actually relocated to be near him as he'd never had any childcare support from me while my other son's & daughter had. He's an excellent support to me, as I try to be to him. Although his youngest child is now 13 I still babysit for her & cook her tea once a week. I deliberately try to minimise my requests for help from him as I know my needs will increase in years to come. He said he worries that I don't ask for more help, which was lovely. We WhatsApp quite a bit about things he can give me quick advice about or him asking me for something. I feel lucky and sometimes wonder how childless baby boomers cope.

yes, mine havnt spoken to me in years since they no longer needed a babysitter, they used to call every sunday on spec when kids were small often at tea time, many is the time i had an egg to give them my steak, my hubby died 2 years ago, i am 77, and i havnt seen them since the funeral, my heart bleds, but thats the way it is, his wifes mother practically lives with them

A sons a son till he has a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of your life. Never a more truer saying.

jakuss how awful for you. I'm so sorry. Do you contact him? Is he waiting for you to get in touch? Either way it's very sad.

When someone posts to say they don't get visits etc I don't think it is appropriate to say I get visits etc. I think that is rubbing salt into the wound. Slimswim I think triciaqanem saying is usually correct .

I hate that saying. It has not been my experience but anyway I think it's more of a personality thing than a son thing. Some daughters can be very thoughtless too

Well my Daughter was'nt.

If grown children, any children, act as if they are entitled to demand everything and give nothing. It is presumably because their parents have always been willing to give everything and ask for nothing.

Children should be brought up to give as well as take.

My son and his family moved after lockdown, which was sad for us as we'd recently moved closer. They live about 45 minutes away now - we do go there for the weekend from time to time, and we've just spend a couple of days together in our holiday home around his birthday. I do find that I sometimes need to instigate going to see them as my DIL is obviously going to make more effort to see her own mother which I quite understand.
I'm lucky that two of my other children live very nearby and do reciprocate with meals and so on.

A lot here depends on how you get on with your DIL and whether you feel your son is just being thoughtless or if you are being made to feel that he and his wife only remember your existence when they need a babysitter or a free meal.

Nothing wrong with remarking that you love seeing them, but that you are not as young as you used to be, and that you are finding you tire more easily.

Food prices too have risen so alarmingly that you are fully justified in asking them to contribute in some way or other.

I assume you are on a fixed income as a pensioner like the rest of us and are already stretching your money as far as you can.

I think you have to find some way of discussing this with your son and DIL, otherwise they will just go on assuming that you are content with things as they are.

I'm two hours away from my kids, eldest son I don't hear from ,his wife has always called me your bloody mother lol,had the other 3 plus partners and kids here for week..I know understand what my dad meant when he said,it's lovely to see you but also lovely when you've gone..we bring them up to let them fly

Harris27

Mother of three sons I accept I take a back seat to the wives mothers. Just the way it goes cant change it.

I'm so grateful that my son and his wife include me as much as they include her parents. They live 200 miles away, as do her parents but in another direction. I hope to move nearer them in time as I'd love to see my GC more. My DiL's parents have other GC too, also at a distance and in yet another direction, but we all spend time together, sometimes all together. I visit them more than they visit me as it is harder for them to be away. I think it is very sad when parents of sons miss out when their wives favour their own family!

butterandjam

5 years ago we moved long distance and are now 6 miles from one of our sons. He often drops in on the way home from work; invites us over for meals, they come here for meals. He helps us and we do the same for him. We see the GC teens changing almost weekly.

To have this ringside seat watching our little boy as a mature man skillfully juggling teenagers, partner, friends and aging parents , home, career , life is quite something. An unexpected delight of old age.

What a !ovely, heart-warming post butterandjam!
My four boys have all moved-out, so the peace and tidyness is still an utter a joy for myself & DH!
I too am so proud of them all & to watch my child with his child is magical! He's simply a natural & perfectly at ease with a rampant toddler on his lap. Lovely. Small wonderful blessings.😊

My son and his family live the other side of the world, so no.

I only see my daughters when they want childcare or pet care. Fine by me, I didn’t want to see my mother after I’d left home but was guilt-tripped into visiting as she couldn’t help comparing me to my evidently more attentive siblings. I could count on one hand the number of times she babysat.