Were you raised in an ‘open’ or ‘closed’ house, and was it different from your spouse?

It had never occurred to me to me till now how my childhood home might have affected me as an adult. We had very few visitors. One aunt used to visit ( she used to come on holiday with us, too). My dad’s brother who used to come to our house, fall asleep on the sofa wake up and go home. And a cousin of my mums. That was it. My poor mum had mental problems as a result I think of having many miscarriages.Our house was so shabby that I never invited friends from grammar school round. I then went to the opposite extreme in my late teens when me and my boyfriend lived in shared student houses for many years. I’ve ended up as someone that loves meeting people in certain situations but also craves solitude. I loved in when my kids were teenagers and ours was an open house for all of their friends. They were the best years of my life.

Mum was sociable and we had quite a few visitors,including some of her sisters who would stay for a few days. We were also sociable when the kids were young, always a houseful. Not now ,too much work ,though we both belong to lots of clubs and meet people outside the house.

Blimey. Makes me realise how different my violent, abusive upbringing was so different from most other people's.

I grew up in a very closed house. There was very little money in the later 1940s/1950s and we lived on one man's wage. So there was no spare money for entertaining. In a two up two down terraced house with outside loo there is no space to put people up.

By contrast my grandmother lived alone in a 5 bedroomed house and was always havinghouse guests.

Perhaps my upbringing reflected on my character but I have always been a very private person . I did do a fair bit of entertaining in my 20s and 30s but by my 40s I preferred my own company.

I was in a very closed home. I was an only child and my parents really didn't like other people much. The only people who visited were relatives who appeared occasionally, because they all came from a distance. I think it has made me much more sociable. I always enjoy having people round, and I've even been known to bring home people I've just met in the street. Both my parents and my in laws would have found that very strange.

We had very few visitors. DD worked every hour he could and DM worked part time. She had no siblings as both her sisters died young. DD's DM came to stay occasionally so that DD's sister and her DH (GM lived with them) could go on holiday.7 DM had one good friend who sometimes popped in for a cuppa. My maternal GPs always hosted Boxing Day and all the cousins came - best day of the year for me. I always loved my 11 cousins but 3 emigrated, 3 died and two now have dementia. I don't see much of the two remaining but we chat via FB.

When my girls were here we always had their friends here. Several of the teenage boys were kicked out of home in the evenings so they came to us. We converted our tiny playroom into a teenage "den" and it was often packed. When they were old enough they used to go to a local pub on4 NY Eve but come back to us afterwards to see in the New Year. Of course I fed them!

DH wasn't used to visitors even though his DM had loads to her house, and we don't have many nowadays - it's something I miss very much.

Allira

I remember 2nd June 1953 - my parents bought a television for the Coronation and lots of neighbours brought their chairs and watched it in our small front room - in rows like a cinema!

Same with me. I was only 7 and thought this was all amazing. I loved the flat being full of neighbours and friends and loved watching our beautiful Queen. She looked so young, and I noticed that even at my own young age.
I don’t dislike the King, but his coronation didn’t have the same ‘oomph’ as his mother’s somehow.

Growing up with my widowed mother and 2 siblings, I often felt we were the poor relations who were invited to share Christmas day with friends who had big houses and big families.
I think now how kind they were but then I resented being in that position.

DH family were very hospitable, had a large house and infact ran an hotel for some years. As a result he wanted to be like that too and I often grumbled that our house was a public building!
It is a large house and we hosted many a party or garden bonfire over the years.

I still host one or two international Helpers who stay for a week or two on a working holiday/ cultural exchange.

I enjoy meeting new people and one thing that worries me about my plans to downsize now that I'm alone, is how much I will miss having a house filled with people!

Our house was also my Dad's surgery so twice a day we were inundated with people sitting in our dining room until their turn to see Dad in his study aka consulting room. We were an extremely open house!

Many families don't go very far. They stay in the place where they grew up and marry someone local. They tend to be popping in and out of each other's houses all the time. That isn't how I grew up, but the rest of my family did.
I wouldn't object to family members calling in at all hours, but not outsiders. I'm afraid people need to make an appointment before they visit!

My parents didn’t have parties but always had neighbours in and out and family visiting.
My DH had an abusive father and a love less mother who did do nothing about it, perhaps she couldn’t, so he spent very little time at home if he could help it. Doubt they had many visitors.
When we married he wanted ours to be an open house and always loved filling our home with family and friends.

Kate1949

Blimey. Makes me realise how different my violent, abusive upbringing was so different from most other people's.

So sorry Kate, my DH had a very similar upbringing to yours I’m afraid.

My home was "close". My dad had fallen out with his brother and 2 sisters when I was about 8, so we didn't see them, although they only lived a few streets away. I had friends to the house, but it wasn't until we moved when I was 11 that any stayed overnight. My husband apparently had uncles, aunties, and cousins all visiting.

I didnt see my Dad's family until my mid teens, and then it was only once. I never know the details, children just assume it's normal, but he'd clearly had a major falling out with them - big time. But his sister kept sending Christmas gifts to us children, money, and we all wrote our loving thank you letters to the woman we'd never met.

And on the other side, we had Nan of course every Christmas.

My mums brother lived in London so of course they were a long way away. But my mum's attempts to get SiL engaged fell on deaf ears. She was very sniffy as we lived "up North". apparently this was not beneficial to her children.

But I have a loving but distant relationship with one cousin who unfortunately for me lives in NI. I dont do a lot of RR's at Christmas, just to contacts like her.

Babs03

Kate1949

Blimey. Makes me realise how different my violent, abusive upbringing was so different from most other people's.

So sorry Kate, my DH had a very similar upbringing to yours I’m afraid.

As did my first DH. It had of course a lifelong effect: my great sympathies, Kate.

We had lots of visitors. Mum and dad welcomed everyone to our house, mostly relations but all my friends were made very welcome. There was a bunch of us who played in the back garden or in the street outside our house. They also had parties in the 60s and 70s and us children were there too. My exh family were much more reserved

I think thats a lovely upbringing. We did play with lots of local children of course, they loved our sandpit and mum used to come out and join in before she went back to work.

But never in the house.

I love the "sleepover" generations, great for DS who was an only child.

keepingquiet Daddima calls her husband the Bodach. It's a Scottish word with several, similar meanings. One of them being old man.

I loved it when the children were a uni and their friends would come to stay, have very fond memories of us all sitting round the table having raucous debates.
Happy days.

My mum had a friend who was always in and out along with my aunts who would pop in. My dad held meetings for all the various committees he was on. Sundays were busy with feeding family visiting plus the visiting Methodist minister. I had a couple of friends who came round but really we wanted to be out not in. My DHs family worked 7 days a week but I think family visited quite often and his dad was always very sociable mum not so much.

It was by invitation only to our house when I was a child.
Prior to any visit-there were endless discussions,the entire house was thoroughly cleaned ,special food prepared and we had to dress up .
Afterwards -they'd be a post mortem on everything done and said .
I dreaded it .
As I grew older I found that other people were very casual-people dropped by at all times of the day and were welcome.
I can recall being shocked at the lack of preparation,but it was fun .

Apart from my grandparents we never had visitors. Not once were any of my childhood friends allowed in our house. When I got married my mother refused to invite any relatives (we lived in Scotland they lived in Hampshire / Somerset. As a result I grew up with huge social anxiety which still affects me to this day. I think my dad would have liked to be more sociable but he was a gentle soul who would not stand up to my mother.

I was raised in a quiet house with few visitors and no parties ever.
But we were very friendly with our neighbours, including me sharing a bath tub with the boy next door due to hot water problems.
And for two or three years in my early teens we took in lodgers and this was hell. I could write a book!

My childhood home was very poor but very hospitable. People known through my Dad’s work dropped in and if it was tea time they were offered bread and jam and a cup of tea. We lived a long way from all our relatives so some would come to stay. A maiden aunt was a regular. So my parents were very sociable but not in a dinner party kind of way.
My late husband was well-known publicly but was a very private person, so he wanted to pull up the drawbridge once he was home: we rarely entertained.

Did anyone else call their parent's various friends Auntie and Uncle?