Were you raised in an ‘open’ or ‘closed’ house, and was it different from your spouse?

No visitors as a child, my father soon made them scarper, (shades of Kate1949). Later on my mother preferred visiting to being visited.

My DH grew up with an open door policy and that took some getting used to for me. Thankfully I have a sociable side and got used to it. The happiest times were when the children had lots of friends coming and going.
Life is much quieter now and finding the energy to entertain is not the same.

Allira

Did anyone else call their parent's various friends Auntie and Uncle?

No, I thought that was an Asian or African thing?

A sort of respectful term for an older person?

My paternal grandparents died when I was about 8 - that led to my dad falling out with his siblings. My maternal grandparents lived in London. Grandad died when I was 2, so I didn't know him. We used to stay with Granny, occasionally.

Oreo

Allira

Did anyone else call their parent's various friends Auntie and Uncle?

No, I thought that was an Asian or African thing?

All my Mum's friends were 'Auntie' and couples were 'Auntie and Uncle'.

Never heard of it being Asian or African!

Oreo

Allira

Did anyone else call their parent's various friends Auntie and Uncle?

No, I thought that was an Asian or African thing?

Very much a thing here in Scotland! Everyone I know had 'aunties and uncles' who were just friends of their parents.

😄
Yes, it really is a cultural expression in those countries Allira
My best friend at primary school had a single Mum who had various boyfriends who she called Uncle ( this was a white British family) and my own Mum darkly called a ‘fancy man’
I was always fascinated by that and wondered how fancy they were.😂

Our house was shabby, my 'father' a violent drunk. When I went to grammar school, I never invited anyone home. Sometimes a friend would call for me but I would talk to them briefly on the doorstep with my heart in my mouth.

One friend used to invite a couple of us to hers on a Saturday night when her parents went out dancing. Dancing!! Her mother would wear a beautiful dress and long gloves and her father a suit. I was fascinated. So different from my horrible home life.

Oreo

😄
Yes, it really is a cultural expression in those countries Allira
My best friend at primary school had a single Mum who had various boyfriends who she called Uncle ( this was a white British family) and my own Mum darkly called a ‘fancy man’
I was always fascinated by that and wondered how fancy they were.😂

Definitely not my Mum's fancy man

Her best friend from school whom she still called by her maiden name all those years later when she referred to her plus other friends she met whom she met over the years.

She had a friend from Kent from when we lived there (I don't remember, I was a baby) who she kept in touch with and I always called her Mrs J******, she was a much older lady who used to come and stay.

I’ve never considered this topic before but I now realise I grew up in quite a sociable house. My parents didn’t have formal gatherings like parties but there were always people popping in for coffee and we regularly had a policeman sitting in our kitchen drinking tea. We were on their regular beat and they knew they’d get a warming cuppa and biscuit or two at ours. Although my parents had no living siblings, there were four of us kids and my grandad lived with us so it was a busy household. My older siblings often brought their friends home and my younger bro and I had the use of empty rooms at the top of our rambling, falling-down house, which was a magnet to our friends. All very casual unlike today.

We called unrelated adults aunt & uncle, as did everyone where we lived, in Kent. People my grandad’s age were Mr & Mrs, though. My grandad used to take me visit them, which was interesting (I liked seeing their houses and even better if they had a pet) and boring (their small talk) at the same time.

Our house was always busy, too, and we held many parties over the years. Looking back, I’ve noticed that people seem to fall into two categories, they’re either party-givers or party-goers. Some people came to almost all our parties yet they never reciprocated with even an invitation for coffee, let alone throw their own party! My best friend and I were definitely the party givers of our group. 😂

People my grandad’s age were Mr & Mrs, though
Yes, perhaps that was the difference, my Mum's friend from Kent was a lot older than her.

I had various pseudo aunties and uncles. Notably, Auntie Brooky, mum's friend, who took me to the cinema regularly and started my love of film and theatre, particularly musicals.
Thanks Auntie Brooky. I do hope I thanked her at the time.

We had various aunties and uncles. They gave us presents at Christmas and called in for a cup of tea and a bun or we went there.
We did have other visitors, but they were mostly old school friends of Mum or Dad who came for visits. When mine were young, the “auntie and uncle” seemed to have died out and adults were Mr or Mrs. Their friends called me x’s mum or Mrs X. The house was often busy.

All my parents friends were aunts and uncles and my dad referred to his mil as Mrs ……..

Our DC's friends just call us by our first names.
Or, in the case of a couple of them, their Second Mum and Dad 😀

My parents never invited anyone to our house except very occasionally my mother's elder sister - no neighbours, workmates, no-one. They were quite reclusive and it took me a while to learn to socialise at university.

A very closed house. We'd had to move a long way away from danger and gossip so knew no one at all. So no visitors apart from my Great Uncle and Aunt, a Great Auntie and an old friend of the family, each maybe once a year.

I would go to friends houses, I wasn't encouraged to bring them to mine. My Mum nor my Aunt didn't bring friends home from work. I didn't have birthday parties, but was popular and went to many.

I realise this meant I have always found socialising awkward, often stressful, not sure if I'm doing it right. I don't like groups of people, crowded places and noise. When people have visited me in the past I get anxious about their leaving time - will they stay too long? should I offer food? etc.

But it means I enjoy my own space and my own company. I'd still rather visit other people and I much prefer one-to-one interaction. I'm sure it sounds odd but I'm ok with it.

We referred to some older neighbours on our street who helped us a lot when the kids were small as auntie and uncle. I thought it would sound a bit odd if they called these people by their first names.

Jaxjacky

My Mum and Dad had lots of dinner parties, I remember my Dad’s 60th was a party for many of them.
Christmas was extended family, all at theirs, so about 12 or 14 of us, Sunday dinners for immediate family most weekends.
I used to host bonfire parties for 25 - 30 and bbq’s for up to 20, MrJ’s family being Irish had an open door, far more informal than my parents, both of us had a sociable 20’s, house parties with a bottle in hand!
So, open door to answer OP.
What was Charlie Kirk’s experience and view?

The interview I saw was one where Charlie Kirk was giving his opinion on what things couples should be addressing before marriage, rather than what his opinion was on ‘open’ or ‘closed’ houses. He thought that it could be a problem for couples from different types of home if each partner wanted their home to be different from the other’s, with regard to visitors etc, so it was best to discuss it beforehand.

We were both raised in homes open to family. Family were always coming round. I'd a larger family, his was small. We have family round several times weekly.

To the question- before marriage I assume people discuss Church, family situations, attitudes towards earning and saving, if one is sporty, artsy, clever.

Thinking about this and I wondered if one reason was that not many people had cars, at least not the ones we knew and so any family or friends who lived locally would walk or go on the bus to the shops and pop in on their way or on the way home for a cuppa.

To the question- before marriage I assume people discuss Church, family situations, attitudes towards earning and saving, if one is sporty, artsy, clever.

Nope! Did you?
That sounds terribly practical 😁

We didn't discuss any of that!

Kate1949

We didn't discuss any of that!

Well, I knew what religion he was, knew he couldn't play tennis as well as me 😁 and was astonished when I beat him at darts!

Family situations
Well, I met them. And he already knew mine!!

Surely, if you reach a point of marrying someone, you will have met their family and understood the sort of family life they were used to? I think it’s a bigger problem later in life if, after divorce, you start a new relationship with someone because you’re both very set in your ways as to what you expect a relationship to be?