Forgetting who you are

We knew our nephew was dying too. He had been treated for leukemia for two years. It was the shock of seeing him die that caused his mum to collapse. She died herself at 49, suddenly.

Kate1949

Oh yes support them all we can. However to be present when a much loved nephew died at 16and watch his mother collapse in shock and have to be treated by the medics who had been treating her son was pretty awful.

This sounds very traumatic. I suppose at least with my nephew we knew he was dying for a weeks before he did.

I suppose what I was trying to say that difficult though it was for me to witness so many deaths in my family, the grief I felt at those losses was nothing compared to the grief endured by parents, spouses, children etc.

I think the fact that mum collapsed in shock sort of backs this up.

Hi Kate, like others I have known you for many years., and know what you’ve been through. You’re allowed to have an off day and I hope all the lovely replies on here will have helped to lift some of the awful memories.

Reading through this thread has made me realise what a lovely and caring bunch of people most gransnetters are.

Chin up Kate. X

Oh yes support them all we can. However to be present when a much loved nephew died at 16and watch his mother collapse in shock and have to be treated by the medics who had been treating her son was pretty awful.

Kate1949

How awful keepingquiet.

No, not awful. Awful for their parents, but not for me except to support them in a grief which was not mine.

There is much, much more I have gone through in my life than this but suffice it to say this isn't a competition about who suffers more.

I don't live in Gaza, or Ukraine, or in South Sudan or Afghanistan.

But I would do the people that do a terrible disservice if I was not grateful for all the incredible blessings I have in my life.

Thank you kitty. I hope you are recovering well.

How awful keepingquiet.

Kate, I have 'known' you a while and have never known you whine. You are allowed a bad day fir whatever reason - but that sounds quite a good one.

The you I 'know' is a funny, kind and thoughtful person and that version is very worthwhile.

I don't think it is about forgetting who you were, more about becoming who you are meant to be.

That's how I see it.

Few of us escape the sadness of losing those close to you (I lost two nephews, one at age 2 and one at 19). I often think even ifpeople have 'escaped' these horrble things you don't know what lies ahead for them...

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that Kate1949.

No, it's not whining at all. You're allowed some tears, especially today

Thanks everyone. I really need to stop whining. So many of you have been through, and are going through, awful things yourselves. Sometimes it overwhelms us doesn't it? Maybe it's because today is the anniversary of my lovely nephew's death. I was in the hospital room when he died. I was obviously thinking about him last night.

I don’t know you at all, rarely ( if ever? ) talk to you on here. But the posts I have seen of yours you always come across as a really nice person. ( It’s funny how you can tell what a person is like in real life by reading a few of their posts on here. but you can! )

From your posts, Kate, I feel that I have come to know you, and know exactly who you are - you are a survivor who has made a good life from a very difficult start
Please be proud !

Hats off to Kate1949 you are an amazing survivor!

Sometimes those very difficult times come back to us very late in life when we have more time to think and are not overwhelmed with family, work, debts etc. I don’t know if this is your situation Kate1949 but just think - you have survived and are living to tell the tale! That, in itself is wonderful. Hats off to you 🍾

Yes. I’ve been to hell and back several times throughout my life. I wish I could go back to being aged 16 and start again. Please press reboot!

I don’t know you at all Kate1949 but you obvs had a very unhappy childhood which has really affected you.
I expect you got on with your life and were busy but are now retired and time to think and be miserable about what went on back then.I think you should talk to someone professional about it if you find you can’t shake it.Sorry to hear about your troubles.

I think our childhood ups and downs are always with us, they surface when we least expect them to (particularly the downs)

Sending you a virtual (((hug))), I hope you are able to give your head a wobble, and let happy thoughts rise to the surface 🌸

Kate1949 I have seen your posts over the years I have been on GN and I know how much you have suffered. You have survived but it leaves scars that must sometimes surface and make you feel like this.
Sending a (((Hug))) and hope you feel a bit better soon 🤗

Kate1949

Thank you. FGT How kind of you to reply in view of what you are going through. Last night I had (another) pity party. I really must stop this. Everyone has problems.

We all find ourselves in a place where we feel down and need to reach out, that isn’t a pity party, and I might be accused of the same after banging on about caring for my DH. I totally understand what you said and hope you find the amazing strength you have found in the past to keep on keeping on.
Take care
🌹❤️

I know who you are, Kate1949 - you're a survivor and an inspiration to many of us!

Sending you a 🤗

Don't be afraid to seek help if you need it, sometimes everything can seem to overwhelm us and even the small worries become enormous.

Thank you. FGT How kind of you to reply in view of what you are going through. Last night I had (another) pity party. I really must stop this. Everyone has problems.

Yes, I have been there and had to question pretty much eveything I ever did in my life.

Even now I don't give myself credit for all the positive things I have done and continue to do.

I am still in that grinder of self-doubt and what-ifs but I see it as a way to grown that many people are not privileged to experience.

It has taught be to be more compassionate, patient and prepared to have yet even more opportunities to see the world in different ways.

Having said that I certainly don't tolerate fools gladly and will speak out when I think something is not right even if it makes me unpopular.

Go with the change and think about caterpillars turning into beautiful butterflies. Life is change and sometimes those changes can be very hard but girl are they worth it if you get to come out the other side,

I hope that Kate knows she is among friends even if she isn't very good at choosing beatles.

Oh Kate. My heart goes out to you. I had a traumatic experience in my life when I was a little girl just started infant school. At times during my life I think about that vulnerable child and just wished someone could have rescued her. My heart went out to her too. Nothing to be done about it now of course but that sorrow will always contribute to who I am today. Same for you dear lady. All you can do really is draw a line in the sand. 💐