I wonder what you would do .......

Walk away with dignity knowing you've done a brilliant job. Which is what you've done. I'd look sideways at the people who voted Miss Mountshaft in too.

Now it's time to absolutely look after yourself and your health, and enjoy the lovely people you have gone on to meet.

I think there is always a day of reckoning: good times are paid for in the end as they inevitably do in some way, all things change and we have to accept and adapt, give thanks and move on...in the same way that this person will see her 'reign' end [maybe sooner than anyone thinks].

Luckygirl3

There are other members who have been on the receiving end of this woman's bulldozer approach and sadly they too are unhappy.
I am clear that I need to move on as I need to protect my wellbeing. It is in any event on a knife edge.
Having seen the unfortunate side of human nature my faith has been restored now. I belong to a women's group from here and surrounding villages ... we call ourselves the Spice Girls .... and we have a whatsapp group. Today I was at the coffee morning in the village hall, after a disturbed night in atrial fibrillation, and I suddenly felt very unwell and went to the loo where I had a bit of upset guts and became really unwell dipping in and out of consciousness clinging onto the sink. Luckily I was in the disabled loo and grabbed the alarm string. One of the women appeared and then others, one a retired nurse another a retired doctor .. they looked after me (even wiped my bbum ...), got me to the therapy room and onto the couch. My BP was in my boots and they stayed with me and took wonderful care of me and eventually got me and my car home. One stayed with me for a couple of hours and they offered to be with me on a rota, but I am feeling a bit better now. I know that I can go on the whatsapp and summon help at any time. Truly wonderful.

Oh crikey, what a day! How marvellous people are looking out for you.

Have to say I'd be pretty miffed if it'd happened to me & I'd be hoping that some of the other members would be following in my wake and leaving too!

I do think though, protecting your wellbeing here is paramount, and I think that you maybe ought to think twice about sending that letter? It could stir up even more angst and worry and could potentially make you ill - 'Miss Mountshaft' could potentially have more powder in her barrel and you really don't need any more firing at you?

I wish you well in your new choir ...

That is so upsetting Luckygirl, especially after you have done so much for the choir.

Given this hurtful behaviour and, I gather, the lack of support from other members, if it were me I would certainly look for another choir to join.

I am not usually spiteful but I feel so cross on your behalf that I hope things don't work out so well from now on.

I remember years ago when I worked in Lancashire a job was being advertised for the solicitors office in which I worked. It was full time and, with a youngish family, I felt that, though I would have liked to apply, with a relatively young family I didn't think it would be a good idea. An applicant came for interview and afterwards the senior partner sang her praises - she was going to re-organise the filing system and work all sorts of wonders. She was appointed and none of these wonderful things happened. In fact she could hardly spell. So .... you never know!

From now on I will call this lady Miss Mountshaft!

Luckygirl3

There are other members who have been on the receiving end of this woman's bulldozer approach and sadly they too are unhappy.
I am clear that I need to move on as I need to protect my wellbeing. It is in any event on a knife edge.
Having seen the unfortunate side of human nature my faith has been restored now. I belong to a women's group from here and surrounding villages ... we call ourselves the Spice Girls .... and we have a whatsapp group. Today I was at the coffee morning in the village hall, after a disturbed night in atrial fibrillation, and I suddenly felt very unwell and went to the loo where I had a bit of upset guts and became really unwell dipping in and out of consciousness clinging onto the sink. Luckily I was in the disabled loo and grabbed the alarm string. One of the women appeared and then others, one a retired nurse another a retired doctor .. they looked after me (even wiped my bbum ...), got me to the therapy room and onto the couch. My BP was in my boots and they stayed with me and took wonderful care of me and eventually got me and my car home. One stayed with me for a couple of hours and they offered to be with me on a rota, but I am feeling a bit better now. I know that I can go on the whatsapp and summon help at any time. Truly wonderful.

Oh, Luckygirl3 I am a fellow sufferer of atrial fibrillation. Nasty condition that it is, sneaking up out of the blue. You will know, like me, that stress can be a trigger for Afib so all the more reason to spend your time with the new choir and your What's App group ladies.
I posted earlier on but something in your post was ringing a distant bell in my mind. Then I remembered. In The Good Life, Margot was in a choir and always seemed to be the person arranging after show suppers etc. She also had a bossy boots in charge in the shape of Miss Mountshaft who would spitefully ignore Margot's suggestions for future shows and parts she would like to play just because she could. I don't think we ever saw her on screen but we had the freedom to mentally conjure her up. You and your ticker do not need your 'Miss Mountshaft'. Hoping your episodes are few and far between.

I have a letter ready and have decided to leave a few days space before sending it via email. The letter is simple and factual.

I think the committee should take some of the blame for the way in which you were treated, but this is often the way with a new broom, Sometimes they sweep clean but more frequently they simply stir up the dirt and leave a mess.
Have you written a formal letter of resignation? If you have definitely decided not to return write one saying what a wonderful time you had with the choir and how much you enjoyed the publicity work, and just add that you feel saddened by the way it all ended.
I take it there was no presentation , no vote of thanks before you left?

It's that blasted ruminating which can spoil things.

Glad you met some decent people Lucky

I am grateful for the support and advice

My partner always said that when he was still working they’d sometimes get a new person in a management role who would change everything for the worst and move on ( they always seemed to move on). And when he did the accounts for the flats where his mum resided no one appreciated what he did until someone else took over and found out what hard work it was and then made a mess of it. I’d like to say try not to be too upset about it Luckygirl and move on. But, unfortunately I’d be feeling exactly the same way.

Oh my goodness Luckygirl, that was an experience at the coffee morning. How fortunate for you that 2 members were a retired nurse and retired doctor. I do hope you are feeling better now, after a rest. It must be reassuring to know that you belong to a nice group who look out for each other other.

With regard to the choir, I think that you have done the best thing for you by leaving and finding a new one to join. I think you wouldn’t have felt as relaxed as you did if you had stayed given the change in dynamics by the arrival of this new woman who thinks she knows best - the atmosphere would undoubtedly be different. I can well understand why you feel so hurt - it’s the underhand way in which everything has been done that is so upsetting for you. You must feel quite let down by it all. 💐

Glad that not everyone is a b***h. Restores your faith in humanity

There are other members who have been on the receiving end of this woman's bulldozer approach and sadly they too are unhappy.
I am clear that I need to move on as I need to protect my wellbeing. It is in any event on a knife edge.
Having seen the unfortunate side of human nature my faith has been restored now. I belong to a women's group from here and surrounding villages ... we call ourselves the Spice Girls .... and we have a whatsapp group. Today I was at the coffee morning in the village hall, after a disturbed night in atrial fibrillation, and I suddenly felt very unwell and went to the loo where I had a bit of upset guts and became really unwell dipping in and out of consciousness clinging onto the sink. Luckily I was in the disabled loo and grabbed the alarm string. One of the women appeared and then others, one a retired nurse another a retired doctor .. they looked after me (even wiped my bbum ...), got me to the therapy room and onto the couch. My BP was in my boots and they stayed with me and took wonderful care of me and eventually got me and my car home. One stayed with me for a couple of hours and they offered to be with me on a rota, but I am feeling a bit better now. I know that I can go on the whatsapp and summon help at any time. Truly wonderful.

nanna8

I agree you have done the right thing in finding another choir. Their loss. Put it down to a nasty experience and think, in the way of things, that person will get hers sooner or later !

Well said nanna8

I agree you have done the right thing in finding another choir. Their loss. Put it down to a nasty experience and think, in the way of things, that person will get hers sooner or later !

What everyone else says to you OP.
What’s really disgraceful tho is that others have just gone along with it and not said in committee that they need to speak to you first as you’d agreed to carry on and had done so much over the years.People never fail to disappoint as my Dad used to say.☹️
Hope you will be happy and better served with your new choir.

I would be spitting teeth. What an underhand and nasty way to treat you after all your dedication and hard work when your choir was in dire straits.
She had a nerve thinking she had the right to question your logo and designs in the first place and her behaviour smacks of someone with the hump.
Have you spoken to any of your choir colleagues about this? How do they feel about her treatment of you? Her high handed ways will result in a lot more ladies leaving.
You are naturally feeling hurt, I know I would feel the same but I sincerely hope your new choir will be a resounding success and give you a place where you can be a valued part of a team.

So sorry this has happened Luckygirl . Doubtless her influence will impact on other aspects of the choir and there will be others who are affected. I think you have acted positively to protect your own well being and hope you find joy and peace with your new choir.

The OP has already left the choir PaynesGrey and it's the way in which this was done that has been upsetting.

Playing devil’s advocate here.

As in any settled demographic, one new member with new ideas can upset the equilibirum and put noses out of joint among the old guard but presumably she was voted into the position of chair by a majority of the trustees or at the AGM depending on what the constitution demands.

After seven years, perhaps the publicity material was in need of a fresh look. It’s natural that you feel protective of what you designed but again, presumably the new look was discussed at committee and voted on.

Sadly, having stepped down from the committee, you lost you right to have a say.

Now, someone needs to keep an eye on how the new look is being received. Are flyers in the new design catching the eye of the public sufficient for them to take one when they see them and buy a ticket? That’s the main thing, that tickets are selling and your productions are well attended.

These things aren’t set in stone. I am involved with live event promotion and we design in-house. Our copy for several hundred A3 posters and A5 flyers goes to the printer once a month. Costs are low.

If the new design isn’t received well by the public, the society could always revert to the old design. It’s a choral society not a national or multinational where the slightest change of logo is extraordinarily expensive because shop fronts, vehicles, badging, labelling, letterheads etc etc all have to be changed.

Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face over this. It is just a piece of paper after all that will soon end up in the bin. It’s not unlike the thread here about revenge. Better to hold you head high and be gracious about the change, however put out you feel. The enjoyment is in the singing. I would urge you to stay with the choir.

I feel for you. A slightly similar thing happened to me and I left the club after a vote of no confidence. Pleased now but still feel hurt for all the time and effort - it was three years ago! I am never volunteering for anything again and committees wonder why they don't have enough members - they need to look at how they treat people.

Go to your new choir and just enjoy the singing.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, you are not wrong or unreasonable. In fact this all looked horribly familiar to me, again in a choir setting. Several years ago I had taken responsibility over a long period of time for obtaining choir music, putting hours of my time in and also some of my own money. Two people joined the choir and it became clear they wanted to take this over. They were already very friendly with the choral director and they simply did a quiet takeover, I was bundled out! I think in these situations other people just don’t want to stand up to strong personalities but I agree it’s terribly disappointing. You’ve done the right thing in walking away, it’s what I did too. I joined another choir which I really enjoy, I hope you’re enjoying yours too. The original choir I was in has sadly since folded!

I am so sorry that this has happened and am glad you have found an alternative.

I would trip her up in a dark alley.

Very hard to accept that something we have given our heart and soul to is of little importance to others. I wonder if that's the core of this.

Have you definitely joined the new choir and what's it like?