I wonder what you would do .......

Yes ... it is extraordinary. I am so glad I was not there ... I cannot bear confrontation. So sad ...

I would like to have been that member who was stopped and
told off
I like to think that all the choir members would have been behind me when I told the joint chairs very politely where to go 🤬

It is indeed. I feel so sad about it all. Two strong personalities disrupting a happy organisation.

😲 that is beyond the pale, Luckygirl

It's lovely that some of the members have contacted you and are sorry that you have left. I wonder how long these joint chairs (Queen Bees) will last before they move on to destroy another happy institution?.

Just to bring things up to date ......

I received an unexpected visit from one of the singers and her OH, bringing me a lovely card and some flowers and telling me they were sorry I had left - and organising to meet up again soon. I also had a message to say that a few wanted to take me out to lunch at some point.

I also received in the post a card signed by lots of the singers wishing me well and thanking me for what I had done. But then I learned that the person who initiated this card and took it round during the break in a rehearsal for friends to sign was stopped by the joint chairs and "told off" for doing this. I am quite overcome by this - how do they think they have any right to be telling other grown adults what they should or should not be doing? It is a quite extraordinary situation and I feel very sad to be the target of such dislike. What can be going on in their heads? It is utterly bizarre.

It was such a friendly group where people helped and supported each other and were appreciative of each person's contribution.

After my experience I would say avoid the committee. I know it is tempting to "do your bit" and help, but it really feels to me as if putting your head above the parapet, however well intended, does put you in the firing line.
I won't make that mistake again.
Enjoy your singing!

As a singer in three choirs I have read your story with interest. I am so sorry that what has been a joy and delight has caused you so much pain. I fully understand why you have left and I hope you will be very happy and stress free in the new one.

I have just had my arm twisted to go on the Committee of one of my choirs and am treading very carefully. Our Chair is not doing a good job, and is reluctant to delegate aspects of her role even though she is way behind with her timings instead of planning ahead.
We have a new Publicity Officer who is doing a fantastic job and gets little appreciation from her, even though he has managed to get the printers to print items without charge!

Singing is such a joy and so good for the body, mind and soul.

I am so sorry to read your post and fully appreciate how you must be feeling. These women are Queen Bees and I have come across enough of them at the WI and U3A. I hope you really enjoy your new choir and meet lots of people who are your kind. Perhaps in time you will hear news from the old choir that things are not as they once were and the Queen Bee is to blame! Look after yourself and enjoy your music.

Thank you. I am sure I will.

Luckygirl3

Thank you.

I am not in a position to fight this as even thinking about sends me into atrial fibrillation - and this is something I need to avoid. I feel I just need to put it behind me and move on - not so easy at this stage of life. I guess there is always one fly in the ointment.

Enjoy your new choir and the new people, maybe offer to help with any publicity they may need.
As others have said "bossy boots" will not reign for long, your previous choir will have regrets.
Many years ago a similar thing happened to me when I was Treasurer of the PA at a prep school. The new "bossy boots" could not cope and when I was asked to return I found that that I had "other commitments"!
I hope you enjoy your new choir.

The choir has struggled in the last few years with the covid challenge ... all choirs were in the same boat ... and we have dragged it back from the abyss. So I don't want anyone else to leave as I have been a big part of it's rescue. I hope someone will be tough enough to stand up to them.

I know the bonds formed in shared music-making are deeper than just the singing or the playing, there’s something very therapeutic about it, so I can understand that it’s not a simple case of walking out of one choir into another.
However, it’s not going to be the same choir now, is it? It won’t be the same happy, creative place for you.
No, leaving won’t be easy, but I wouldn’t be surprised if, before too long, some of your friends join you in your new choir.

I actually feel very sad about it. It has caused me lots of grief and sleepless nights. It has been a truly lovely group of shared music makers for about 10 years - we have sung together, laughed together, supported each other.

And now we have a power crazy paranoid duo at the helm which is destroying all the good that has gone before.

I have to walk away and try and let it all go - not easy .....

It sounds as though you’re well out of it Luckygirl. Time to start afresh in your new choir and leave all the angst behind you.
I hope you’ll feel you’ve made the right move and at the right time.

So - they have taken over the publicity, stopped people messaging each other and want to vet the newsletter - Putin would love this .......

plus, one of them is paying herself (and her crony) without that being agreed by members.

Her next move will no doubt be "harvesting grants" from public bodies such as your local council . To pay the expenses and remuneration of herself and her crony.

New Broom perhaps does not realise that the Charity Commission rules (and the choir's CC Governing Document) are legally binding, not something any elected office holder can ignore or rewrite to suit herself .

Sounds like they are shooting themselves in the foot.

Indeed. It is very sad.

They need to be in charge for whatever reason.

Some people make good leaders by keeping people onside, involving them, others are autocratic. They need to dominate others - why I do not know.
They Who Must be Obeyed.,

Well - I do not want people to leave. It brings them (and has brought me) great joy and I want it to thrive. I needed to move on for myself, but I hope that others who are tougher than I am will stay on and get it through this hiccup.

Why do people do these unkind things?

Unbelievable really😱

Surely nobody is going to stay now.

A choir is such a joy and no place for these authoritarian people. I hope others in the choir oust them as they are ruining it.

Well - here is the latest.......

The joint chairs have decided to prevent members from sending each other emails via the Members Only area of the website. This is something that is mainly used to let people know when there are interesting concerts and singing workshops coming up. It has been going for years - ever since the website was created and Has a been a source of useful information.

I wonder if they are worried that I will send an aggrieved message to the members - something which of course I would not do as I have the interests of the choir at heart.

They have also honed in on the quarterly newsletter, which has been an enjoyable read and is edited and run by a member who is also a retired editor on a national newspaper. They are wanting to vet this. THis is something that has never happened before. It is just full of lovely contributions from members.

I feel so sad that what was once a warm and welcoming choir has been hi-jacked by these power freaks.

So - they have taken over the publicity, stopped people messaging each other and want to vet the newsletter - Putin would love this .......

Thank you all

So pleased for you Luckygirl3, enjoy your new choir, it sounds just right!🎼👍

Thank you. I knew that leaving was the right thing to do but as singing has been my life (both as performer and conductor) I did not want to jump into the void. The time will come when I can no longer sing I know..... but not yet.